07-22-2013, 05:18 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-05-2013, 09:01 PM by Official.)
![[Image: image_zpse6fc66a8.jpg]](http://i1331.photobucket.com/albums/w599/finneganpony/image_zpse6fc66a8.jpg)
ULANO
and the walls come tumbling down, from the city that we loved.
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The breeze burned my face, the ground softly covered in snow. My pale eyes struggled to see with the chill. What a change in mood, I thought, One minute sex, the other we are pissed at each other. there was only one way to settle our argument though. And that was to fight. I whipped around in mid step. And rocketed through the forest. Swiftly setting each foot carefully on the ground with each stride of my gallop. My forelock swung into my eyes. The only thing on my mind at the moment was this unicorn. And not like he was on my mind minutes ago. I Stormed down the path, feeling like I was running atop of the fluffy, white snow. I locked onto the stallion ahead of me. I may be small, but I can take down a target. I attempted to throw Myself onto his back. Trying to grip onto his withers with my teeth. Clamping my front hooves, in effort to cling to castiels back. I toppled over the other side, spitting hair out of my mouth. And faced the stallion. He seemed just as pissed as me. I pinned my ears back, flat against my head. My chest was heaving in and out. My eyes wide and fixed on Castiel, the stallion whom I once liked. My nostrils flaring with pure anger towards the stallion. How dare he storm off like that. He had sex with with me, not just me having sex with him. He chose to mount me. Why was he so pissed that the sex wasn't for love? We barely knew each other. My muscles rippled in my spread, sturdy stance, for this stallion was not going down without a fight. I must be ready.
Word count:: 300
No Companion, No Magic
Attack:: 1/3
Closing Defence:: 0/1
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The breeze of the cold was rather annoying and the chill made the painted unicorn shiver the stallion had to keep his head low to avoid getting specks of frozen water into his eyes. Cas had never been so angry before at another horse he had always been kind, loving, and tolerant of everyone, but when it came to being used by another all that flew away into the never ending howling winter wind. Trees swayed against Mother Nature’s hand making all the more miserable the unicorn who just wanted to give up on a lot he was bitter with life at the moment what did he have going for him? Nothing at least that’s what the stud thought his family was killed and the mare he adored dropped off the face of the earth for the time being. So in a low moment there had come that British accented equine sweeping into his life he acted kind next thing he knew they had done it. Being seduced by the flirty stud the paint did an act thinking it to be of love. Who could the blame the tobiano horned horse for being upset with the bay when he told him it was only just physical. Pushing this entire mater aside the stallion just walked on continuing to figure out what to do next in his life that’s when out of nowhere he felt something leap on his back clamping on his withers with hard teeth. Pain seared down his spine as he felt some blood trickle down his side the hard cold air made it sting all the worse acting in reflex the paint bucked madly. After the other stallion fell off to the side whether by his attempt to buck him off or not the unicorn acted quickly by spinning his rump around kicking out hard with one of his back legs aiming for the other stallions cheek hoping to daze him. Saying “ why do you bother me so”
ULANO
and the walls come tumbling down, from the city that we loved.
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I felt the anger flood to my face. My head was pounding inside my skull. My. Eyes were wide, staring at the paint stallion that I no longer knew. Castiel was bucking in all directions, I am almost glad I didn't stay on. I let down my guard for a second and then it hit me. Literally. His hoof smacked me straight across the side of jaw. I stumbled backwards. Feeling the pounding in my head increase. It felt as if my head was oung to explode. There was no escape from the bloodless pain. I let out a blood curteling shriek, sending birds fling from the trees. My eyes refocused on Castiel. This fight was real now. He got himself in too far. You do not just hit my face! I thought in pure anger. The words did not come out of the stallions mouth softly, as they did not too long ago. They were sharp, and rough. Piercing my ears, as my shriek probably did to his. “Why do you bother me so?" Bother you... seriously, what was his guy thinking? We both had sex. I did not force the stallion into it, and after it was over, he gets all pissy at me from his decision. While regaining my balace from the blow to he head, I immediately threw myself at him once again. But this time not to land on his back. I aimed for his head. Hoping to hit his horn, and grab it with my teeth. In effort to break off part of it, or the whole thing. My eyes, glared at the stallion as I pushed off forward in his direction. Feet pawing for his face in mid air, before I was even close to the paint.
Word Count:: 301
No Companion, No magic
Attack:: 2/3
Closing Defense:: 0/1
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The painted unicorn was in a fit rage entirely at the moment and could care less about anything his demons came out to play they did not take kindly to being messed with. Naturally the painted stud was a laid back animal who typically didn’t want to fight with anyone or hurt them so that is why he had walked away on the seal bay stallion after their time together. Staring at the other horse his eyes spoke “Please just go I need time if you don’t I will hurt you” with nares flaring in anger. His sorrow for striking him was made worse when the opponent letting out a shrill scream brought back a banshee like scream in his mind. He knew his words hurt the horse he once was passionate with and staring him down he waited for the stallion to make his next move. Thats when the seal bay stud tried to ruin his horn by pouncing on it causing the unicorn to attempt throwing the horse off by rearing up.After Ulano appeared foolish for he left himself wide open for something if he could only manage to pull it off. Laughing the unicorn charged at him barreling ahead like a bullet out a gun he attempted to throw the other horse over as he was on his hind legs careful to dip his horn low as to not stab the horse in his abdomen or if the stallion fell on his back he would purposefully fall over to throw him hard on the ground.
ULANO
and the walls come tumbling down, from the city that we loved.
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Pouncing on the horn of the stud did no use. It sent me toppling over to his other side. My leg musckes quivered and shook from the abuse of all of the leaping, and missing. My chest heaved in and out. Dragging in precious oxygen to feed my body. My teeth gritted from the sheer anger of my inacuracy. It pissed me off. But I did cause the stallion a larger injury than he did to myself. I set my eyes on his bleeding withers, dripping blood down his barrel. "Hurt me?" I thought, "He was the one with blood oozing from his wither." He charged at me, pointing his horn towards the bottom of my barrel. I leaped into the air, sucking in my chest, and making a ear-piercing squeal. When the larger stallionran under me, I landed on is lower neck. He easily kept running, being a more muscular stud than me. Leaving me hanging onto his back. My front half on his left side, and my back half on his right. I thrusted my back feet downward, attempting to hit his shoulder. Pointing the sharper part of my hooves downward, so they could easily dig into flesh if they hit him. Which was not garunteed with my horrible aim. I tossed my forelock out of my eyes viciously, pinning my ears flat against my neck. I gripped tight to the stallions shoulders, using my forearms, my tail held high, as if it was in an elegant arab trot. But it wasn't, it was in battle.
Word Count:: 262
No Companion, No Magic
Attack:: 3/3
Closing Defense:: 0/1
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The stallion wasn’t gonna let his horn get damaged not because he prized it, but the sentimental value to it more than anything made it precious so the paint smiled when it was protected. Fighting begun to take its toll on the unicorn is withers seared with pain from the bite the cold gnawed on the exposed flesh staring at his opponent breathing hard the stud said “ enough just stop this nonsense” but the words were in vain for the seal bay was still pissed off. Charging Ulano didn’t work like Cast wanted it to for now the stallion was on his back trashing his side got a sharp jab of pain like a knife from the other horse’s back legs kicking at him “ stop” he shouted in pain. Laughing the stallion had several ideas how to get him off first he attempted bucking madly trying to toss the shortie up into the air and on the way back down the unicorn would double kick him with his back legs. If this bucking didn’t work the paint decided to throw up his rear end then flip over on top off Ulano. His side hurt badly so cast executed the following each step hoping it would work and hoping this fight could end so they could resolve the issue as gentlemen not senseless beaters. They both wouldn’t give this battle without their wounds he prayed to god that they could forgive each other and be dear friends till the end. As is the painted unicorn was already regretting it all the way
ULANO
and the walls come tumbling down, from the city that we loved.
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The paint studs jumping, and bucking tossed me about on his back. Sliding from his neck to his withers, and then back again. There wasn't a very large height difference between us, but Castiel could easily dominate me with his large brawny structure, the only brawny thing about myself is my chest. Which at the moment was heaving and shaking from the loads of adrenaline pumping though my body. I stayed on through the course wave of bucks. Then I felt his body tense up. My mind froze. I gripped tightly. OH SHIT I thought, and he leapt into the air, throwing his front half up farther than his hind. He kept going, not like a regular rear. Then it hit me. Literally. The ground hit me. Wait, did it or did I hit the ground? I was so conf used and dazed, for what seemed like minutes, but turned out to be milliseconds. I looked up to see Castiel violently falling towards me, back first. I shrieked. Tensing up, and curling my abdomen into a ball. And sticking my legs out to the sky, hoping to defend myself from the plummeting stallion. I pinched my milky blue eyes shut, hiding them from the horror. I gritted my teeth in await for the stallions weight. My feet shook, as he grew closer. My mind could not calm. Was the stallion really as heavy, and muscular as he looks? Even if he wasnt he would crush me, being so much smaller than him.
Word Count:: 254
No Magic, No companions
Attacks:: 3/3
Closing defense:: 1/1
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| Administrator |
| Stallion :: Equine :: :: |
| Official |
08-05-2013, 06:50 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-05-2013, 06:51 PM by Official.)
Ulano | Castiel
- - - - -
By my verdict Castiel is the winner.
Castiel receives 1 VP.
Ulano -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
- 2| Powerplaying - "... I toppled over the other side, spitting hair out of my mouth, and faced the stallion." - Having ripped hair from an opponent, even though it's rather miniscule damage-wise, is still considered powerplay. You also cannot say that you faced Castiel, because he might have moved completely away by now or launched his own attack to prevent any of Ulano's attack from happening.
+ 1| Attack: Throwing self onto Castiel's back and biting for his withers.
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion - You said words like 'anger', but I didn't feel it while reading through this post.
+ 1| Easy Read
- 1| Flow - There were some grammatical errors in this, and many one line sentences that would have flowed much better with the addition of commas.
Castiel -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Injury - Teeth to withers.
+ 1| Defense - Bucking to try and rid Ulano from his back.
+ 1| Attack - Kicking out at Ulano.
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion - You made a good attempt at emotion, but it still felt dry to me.
+ 1| Easy Read
- 1| Flow - Lots of run-on sentences and some spelling errors.
Ulano -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Injury - Kick to the cheek.
- 1| Attack - 'I immediately threw myself at him him once again.' You gave me no direction to go from on this; where is Ulano, exactly? To Castiel's left, right? In front of him? How is he throwing himself at Castiel? I don't know, thus I cannot grant you a point.
- 1| Attack: Attempting to grab Castiel's horn in his mouth. This isn't a very smart attack, because you could very easily end up with with a horn through your mouth or down your throat. Keratin(my assumption of what Castiel's horn is made of) is very strong material, and not at all easy to break off.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
- 1| Easy Read - I had a difficult time figuring out just where Ulano was throughout the entirety of this post.
- 1| Flow - Several spelling errors, and too many periods where there should be commas.
Castiel -- post 2
[Realism]
- 1| Attack - '... attempted to throw the other horse over...' This would be all fine and dandy, but how is he trying to throw Castiel to the ground? By simply barreling into him? And is he charging at Ulano's side, or head-on, where he would be running towards his stomach?
- 1| Dropped Attack - You didn't mention Ulano trying to grab Castiel's horn. Even if it misses and doesn't effect Castiel, you still need to add something like, 'watching the other stallion snap uselessly towards my horn.'
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion - Better!
+ 1| Easy Read
- 1| Flow - Still having run-on sentences.
Ulano -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Borderline Powerplay - "When the larger stallion ran under me, I landed on his lower neck" and He easily kept running.' Under no circumstance can you say what did and did not hit, nor can you say what the other character is still doing.
- 1| Attack - Rearing up and flopping across Castiel's back. This is possible given the time frame of attacks, but horses don't really 'flop' as you described, and that's all that you really gave me to go off of. It's not a clear description, so I have to count off.
+ 1| Attack - Thrusting hind feet downwards to try and hit Castiel's shoulder.
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion - This post felt very dry to me.
+ 1| Easy Read
- 1| Flow - Still having several run-on sentences as well as spelling errors.
Castiel -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Injury - Ulano's hooves to his side.
+ 1| Defense - Bucking to try and get Ulano off of his back.
+ 1| Attack - Rearing up and trying to fall backwards on top of Ulano.
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion - This post was dry to me.
+ 1| Easy Read
- 1| Flow - Lots of run-on sentences and lack of puncuation.
Ulano -- post 5 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Sticking legs out to try and protect self from Castiel's falling body.
Ulano
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed: You mentioned the differences of breed between Ulano and Castiel.
[Injuries]
- 1| Ending the fight not standing
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: Commas are your friend! I would suggest using more of them to make your posts flow better. You should also work on putting more description into your attacks and defenses, because a lot of the time I had difficulty trying to paint a picture in my mind, so to speak, of what was going on and just where Ulano was, and how he was doing some things. If you keep on top of regular sparring(many people here are happy to offer critiqued spars with every post, myself included), then I know you can make a great fighter some day. Good job!
Castiel
[Bonus]
+ 1| Health
+ 1| You mentioned the differences of breed between Castiel and Ulano.
[Injuries]
- 1| Ending the fight not standing
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: I'd like to see you work on adding some more punctuation, because while it doesn't count towards your 'realism' points, it does matter in your 'prose' points and makes it a lot easier to read. With this being your first spar, you did very well with trying to put emotion into your posts, but it still needs improvement. This is something that even our experienced fighters have difficulty with, so just keep trying! Most everyone is happy to help you with suggestions on how to improve if you just ask. With some more sparring, I think you'd have a good grip on fighting mechanics. Good job!
TOTAL
Ulano - 48
Castiel - 54
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Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr
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[JUDGED] Hit Me Brah.
