[O] Sweet Escape - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [O] Sweet Escape (/showthread.php?tid=12507) |
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Sweet Escape - Oxy - 02-04-2014 OXY.
I never said that I want this
You keep moving, hoofstep after hoofstep taking you back towards the sanctuary, back towards your escape. Because you want to leave this all behind. Yes, you won, you proved your dominance, showed them why you deserve to be general but... does it really matter? You grunt as you limp along, your injured forelimb still burning on fire from the repeated assaults. You need drugs. Each step, the word echoes in your mind, pulsing out a rhythm, frustrating you to know end. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. It's like a chant, and you take it up, your mind begging for them, but you don't have them anymore. You want them, you need them, but need doesn't matter. The universe doesn't care about needs, or wants. The universe cares about itself. She is a cruel mistress.You retreat down the opening of the cave, wincing terribly as you slip and slide on the stony surface. Your metal horseshoes don't make it easy, and with your front forelimb injured you look about as awkward as anyone could. All around, when you make your way in, you see horses. Horses to your left, horses to your right. Horses above you and below you, cramped up against one another, unnaturally close. You see the glass herb box you were banned from stepping near, you see the pain healing herbs in the glass basket you nearly shattered, but you are not allowed there, not allowed to take them, so you pass them by, the eerie glow of the magma making everything dance and swirl, adding onto the effects caused by your mind. And through the pain, though you sweat and breathe so heavily, you keeping moving, keep trotting, keep running. You're running from Elsa, from the cramped conditions of the Sanctuary, from your past and your present and your future. You're running because you need to escape, because you can't stand all the memories that resurface and plague you, that poke at the most sensitive parts of your mind. You need reprieve, you need rest, but you know you'll never find it here. You keep going, forever, it seems like, until you find blackness. An escape. The darkness here is oppressive, the only light the far-away twinkling from some above-ground surface. You're standing on sand. You sink into and it supports your leg, giving the injured one rest. But here the blackness, you find that your only friend is your memories. Even your boggart has secluded herself from you, seemingly understanding that you need this time to yourself. But perhaps time to yourself is not the best. Images of Kellian come back, floating before you, taunting you, teasing you, making your heartbreak for the too-many-th time today. You press your horns against the stony wall and take a heavy sigh. Something has got to give. You don't think you can survive much longer with your mind so functional. @[Elsa] RE: Sweet Escape - Elsa - 02-04-2014
RE: Sweet Escape - Oxy - 02-04-2014 OXY.
I never said that I want this
You're so caught up in your own problems, drowning in history, being buried alive with every single memory of Kellian that you can conjure, that you never even notice Elsa following you. She could have been an elephant, a marching band, a jet engine plane and you would not have heard her. You only hear that constant chant- Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. But it's stopped with you, and whatever little bit of sanity that chant offered you, however many of your memories it held at bay, it's all gone. They come flooding back, washing over you, wrenching your heart and throwing it on the ground, stomping on it and shredding it to pieces. This is why you need your drugs. This is why you have to have them. At first it was a habit, something you couldn't break, something you never meant to start doing but it happened anyway. Now? It's your lifeline, your anchor in reality and sanity. Without them you are a broken man. Nothing but a shadow. No wonder you blend into the darkness so well.As soon as your head is against the wall, more memories begin piling up on you, images you never wanted to see again, because they bring up so much pain. Days of you and Kellian lost in the forest, talking, training, doing whatever, with no cares in the world. Those nights on the plain, taking turns watching over the herd, keeping them safe. Those trips to the ocean to watch the waves crash against the shore. Trips to the marsh to get your plants... You shudder. Did you actually love her, or is everything amplified because you were forced away from home? You think that's the worst part- not knowing. You might have loved her, you think, as you stand here now, head pressed against the wall, that you did love her, that she was your one and only, your beloved, your heart and soul. But if she was your one and only... why did you want to kill her? Why did you try so hard to smash Elsa to bits and pieces, for the crime of just looking like Kellian? Maybe you didn't love her. Do you kill someone you love because they left you for another man? Did she even really leave you? Or did they coerce her into acting like she was with the captain of the guard? Was it all an act because they wanted you out? Did it break her heart as much as it broke yours? But why wouldn't she just stand up for you, or be banished with you? Did they threaten her with worse? Death, family? But wouldn't they have just killed you if they wanted you gone so bad? Fiction and reality begin to blend, morph, become one in your mind, making new stories from old ones, combining truth with falsities, making you question your own existence. It's too much, so much that you're ready to scream, to bellow, to fall to the ground and lay there and beg for your heart to stop, for death to come take you away. But you don't get so far. Someone else has joined you. Oxy. That's you. Right? Sometimes it's hard to remember. “What do you want?” The words are a nearly incoherent slur, your low voice practically whining and you consider smashing your skull into the rocks in front of you, just because you think it might be more fun than you're having right now. And then you just moan, not from the physical pain but from the mental pain. Are you turning out to be just like the rest of them? So confused and wrapped up in yourself, in your false reality, that you don't know real from fake? Is this how your days end? You shake your head from side to side, appreciating the way your horns screech against the rock, trying to drive Kellian's smiling face out of your head. It doesn't seem to help. @[Elsa]- Don't be sorry for fast replies, lol! Besides, I'm really enjoying threading with you and Elsa! RE: Sweet Escape - Elsa - 02-05-2014
RE: Sweet Escape - Oxy - 02-10-2014 OXY.
I never said that I want this
You moan out and then.... nothing but silence. She says nothing, no words, no nicker, no sound of attention or approval. Or is it just you, frozen in time? No, she's moving, you hear the rustle of featehrs against the stony wall, the apposition of gentle down and heartless stone lost on your reeling mind. Feathers, feathers, Kellian's feathers touching your side, beating against you as you push her to the side in playful jest, beating against the air as she flies ahead in a race you would never win. Feathers. Feathers. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. It's not working. Nothing's working.But then eternity ends, she makes a sound. A nicker and you moan some more in response. She's so close- too close. Shouldn't she be up top, bleeding? Shouldn't she be somewhere else, getting medical attention? Why is she here, why is she following you? You shift your weight, forgetting that your left forelimb is rather injured and you wince in pain, grunting aloud, likely letting Elsa know that it is in fact you that she is close to. Why did you leave so quickly? Why did you leave? Why did you LEAVE!?!? You turn in the darkness, not really seeing her, but knowing she is close by and you bellow, scream, explode. “WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? WHY DID YOU LET THEM EXILE ME?” And you're shouting, whinnying, a terrible screaming noise that leaves you gasping for breath when you're done. Your blood boils and your brain lost in memories, because in that moment, once again, Elsa was Kellian and you are lost to the night. To the blackness, until your little boggart comes out of nowhere, becoming a little sun in the darkness, just the briefest of flashes, not able to hold onto the image because of your intense emotions, but it is enough. And through the painful moment of light, you see Elsa's face. She's no Kellian. She never will be. You thought this was over, the shaking and sweating from the detox, you thought you had managed to beat the physical portion of your addiction, but it seems like it's all back now. You're sweating, shaking, and you push back Elsa, moving back to where there is a little bit of light, at least so that if she follows you can see her. It's not much, just the faintest twinkle from the sun above, but it should be enough. Seeing her face helps. Because her body is the same, but her face is different. It's not the same. The lines, the eyes. There was a different type of soul in Kellian's eyes. The eyes. You've got to watch them. But if she follows or not, you can't stand it all anymore, and you collapse in a heap on the ground, breathing heavily, rolling to lay on your side, and then, in a move so uncharacteristically like you, you break down. “I don't even know what happened,” you begin, your words beginning in the middle of some story that Elsa will have to figure out on your own. This is as close to communicating as you get. “She was there... and the captain... and she didn't even look... and I never got to see her again.” And you sigh, closing your eyes, letting your head sink down into the sand. You're not worried about Elsa anymore. How can she break worse than she already has? And without even trying... Let her come. @[Elsa]- Woot! Test over, back in action! Sorry for the delay :D RE: Sweet Escape - Elsa - 02-11-2014
RE: Sweet Escape - Oxy - 02-15-2014 OXY.
I never said that I want this
She reaches out toward you while you lie on the ground like a pig, an utter failure even though you claimed victory over her. She reaches out and you wonder what it is about you that makes her want you even though you are weak, nothing but a broken man. You hate yourself for being like this, for wallowing in the past, for needing your plants as bad as you need air and water and food. You hate yourself, so how can she even stand you? She must have something in her soul that you lack- forgiveness. Oxy, I'm sorry. You snort, but say nothing. Your mind is still flicking in and out of the past, though you're more focused in reality now. It's hard to stay there with the thrill of the fight and the blackness of the pit behind you. Perhaps it's better that way.But something about her voice reaches deep into you, calming you, making your breaths slower, making the sand a warm blanket that reaches up around you and envelops you. And it makes you want to be mad, it makes you want to yell some more that you let yourself be calmed and hypnotized by this cremello pegasus that is so much like your past, but you can't. Try as you might, the anger does not come. Only peace washes over you as you hear her story. “Life does suck,” you murmur, but otherwise let her speak, let her voice fill the cavern, give the sandy darkness peace that your voice only ruins. But what calmness her voice brings, her hoof ruins, spraying sand particles onto you, but they are nothing. Grunge has never bothered you before, it doesn't bother you now. And as she speaks, and you listen to her words and some of her story, you begin to remember what you realized before- you are not so grand as you make yourself out to be. You're weak, you require your plants, and without them you're nothing but a fraud. You can't even function without them. You are nothing, nothing at all, but a beast of a stallion that can't function without the mind-numbing effects of some stupid plant that you wish you'd never discovered. And for once in your grumbling, hateful life, you find something good in yourself, not much, but it's enough. A few words for the winged mare who has broken you, for this moment. “You are meant for good things,” you say, quietly, a sigh, but nothing about her leaving destruction in her wake. That, you can't argue with. @[Elsa] RE: Sweet Escape - Elsa - 02-17-2014
RE: Sweet Escape - Oxy - 02-22-2014 OXY.
I never said that I want this
She crashes down next you, making you groan and grumble with the appearance of irritation, but, truth be told, you're not really that upset anymore. Your heart just isn't in it. All you want is sleep, and darkness, and peace. You want a way to drive away the creeping headache and the few flashes of your past that creep into your mind now and again, when you get a little too out of the moment. You want your blissful peace back- that gentle high that lets you slip through life, lets you repress this history, lets you pretend that you're normal. You want it back because you can't live without it.As her head reaches out towards you, not too close but there, you feel a gust of her, her sigh, brushing your skin. And if you had a heart, if you were a normal horse on a normal day, you might have enjoyed the sensation, reveled in it, been glad to know that you have a friend in your darkest hours. But you... well, you're a little different. You want to feel that joy, you want to feel that happiness, but you think Kellian might have stolen any capacity you had to feel friendship- to really feel it. Maybe that good luck just isn't in your cards. But she's doing her best to make you think differently, trying so hard to make you see some good in yourself. But whatever she see is is lost on you. You deserve good? How? Obviously you were never good enough for your father, for your herd, for Kellian, for Eris and Seele, for Circuta, for yourself. You've never been good enough, never will be good enough. So if you don't act like you do, at least you aren't playing some charade. At least you aren't acting like something your not. At least, you've never been good enough for happiness. All you're good for is fighting. A warrior at heart, a warrior through and through. You're good enough to be general, but nothing more. So when she's done rambling, when she's giving you your options, you close your eyes, take a deep breath, flick your tail through the sand a few times, and finally you speak, slowly, softly, but deliberately. “Listen, Snowflake.” Did you ever really know her name? If you did, it's been thoroughly forgotten by now. “When this is all over, and when we get out of this stupid cave, I'm getting high. I'm going to get so high, that I'm going to lay on the beach for a week and not do anything except laugh at how the sky swirls overhead. And when I'm done doing that, I'm going to stay high. Functionally high. And I'm never going to get sober again. And nobody will ever know this happened.” Your ultimatum to her. Nobody will know that you break down when you're clean. “And if you ever need anyone thrashed, you can come find me.” You hope she'll read between the lines, because that's about as close to calling her a friend as you'll ever get. But hey, it could always be worse. @[Elsa] :: OMG! Aw, Oxy finally made a friend ;-; Took him long enough! RE: Sweet Escape - Elsa - 02-23-2014
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