[P] this house is falling apart -- - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] this house is falling apart -- (/showthread.php?tid=19043) |
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this house is falling apart -- - Destry - 04-12-2015 DESTRY
RE: this house is falling apart -- - Aurelia - 04-26-2015 Quite the scene had unfolded moments earlier under the blistering sky of Dragon's Throat. From the heat, I had no doubt gotten a hefty sunburn. My skin felt crisp and dry, somewhat like a french fry. I walked slowly and carefully, as if a quick movement would tear open my dry flesh and crimson liquid would pour from the self-inflicted gash. The grass under my large hooves was healthy and vibrant, but with each step there was still a loud crunch as I squashed the slender blades under my weight. My eyes were focused on the sky, now. The expressions that danced on my face were not ones of happiness, but pain and guilt and hurt and so much more. Somewhere in far back of my mind, a thought continuously replayed itself. Isn't it sad that I've been hurt so much and by so many that I can finally just say 'I'm used to it'? If she came down to talk to me, and asked me 'How're you?' My mind would think sad, broken, hurt, afraid, alone, angry, depressed, pained, cold, dull, lifeless, stressed, all of it, but I would force myself to say "I'm fine" just so you won't worry about me, just so there is no chance for you to pity me, because I hate pity. I hate it more than anything, but losing Destry. It's too late for that, I've already lost her in many ways. Every second I trailed her, I grew more and more timid. I was truly afraid of being myself. Sure, they'd say 'be yourself', but then when you are yourself, all they do is judge and judge and judge and judge. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of all of it. I'm sick of letting everyone down, crying myself to sleep, being hurt and hurting others, but most of all, I'm sick of being me. A single, salty, tear ran its way down my cheek, and it was because I couldn't open my mouth and answer her call. The tear was my eyes verbalizing what my mouth cannot. My heart was showing through my watery eyes, but my mouth remained sealed. With every second, my heart broke more and more, shattering over and over. With every step, my muscles ached and protested, as if saying that it would be better to stop following her and lie down, just give the vultures my life because it's clearly not worth living anymore. I'd always known that I was slowly giving up with each passing day, but today I almost gave up completely. I wanted to run from Helovia and leave all the memories behind. I'd become something horrible and putrid and not even my mate wanted me, no one does. I was grime and dirt that couldn't be washed away, the rash with no ointment, the flu with no flu vaccine. I wouldn't be leaving any time soon, and everyone knew it. But perhaps I had changed my mind? If I was going to leave, it'd be now. If I left Helovia now, it wouldn't be a happy ending, but damn would it be a story. Quietly I murmured under my breath, "you weren't just a star, you where the whole damn galaxy to me." meeting Destry was like listening to a song that I knew would become my favorite, until I heard the lyrics. Now look at us. If Destry and I were parallel lines, we'd have a lot in common but we would never meet, always side by side but never touching nor connecting, which is sad. But we aren't that. We are all the other pairs of lines, meeting only once and fading away from each other to never meet again. My body is stilled with a sudden halt, the only thing moving were my sides as they expanded and then shrunk with each intake and exhale of the Birdsong air. Even my heart was still in my chest, afraid to beat, afraid of the pain that would come once it began to work. My heart hurt like a tongue would hurt if you stapled it to a wall. (Metaphorically of course.) My eyelids fluttered for a moment before they shut, shielding my ivory irises from the blinding sun, from the inky dot that was Destry flying in the sky. Once my eyes reopen, my heart breaks again. From where I stand, I see her lips tugged into a smile. A second lowly tear falls from my eyes. Why is she smiling? Is this a game to her? Did she even go get a quest from the God of the Earth? Did she even care? Wasn't her hurt breaking like mine? Then why was she smiling? I felt humiliated a I knew she only thought of me as an easy lay. Of course, who wouldn't think of me like that? I didn't even know her and I still rushed into love. I gave my heart to her and she gave it back broken, smiling as she did so. I felt angry now, angrier than ever before. Within my body, I felt fire threatening to envelope me. My more primal side began taking over as I began thinking about attacking her for breaking my heart. The pained expression that had so clearly been written on my face was wiped away, replaced by a sour look. My tail swatted behind my ass angrily and my nostrils began to flare. She had played with fire, and she was now going to feel the burn. RE: this house is falling apart -- - Destry - 05-01-2015 DESTRY
RE: this house is falling apart -- - Aurelia - 05-02-2015 Ooc: sorry that this is mostly Aurelia talking o-o @[Destry] The dark lady that I had once called mine joins me on the ground. She calls to me, her voice quiet, soft, passionate. I breath in deeply, my lids fluttering. Her name leaves my lips with the exhale, but her name on my tongue isn't just those emotions, it's more than that, more complex, more confusing. "Des," I say, my voice filled with a tremendous variation of emotions. My mind isn't here, it's gone, distant, closed-off. There is a shield going up, a shield I'd never used with her, but it's here now, sealing my emotions away. It felt both strange and natural for this shield to be up. Destry had been my mate, surely if we aren't together anymore I could be myself and not worry about what she thought, because why would I? Alternatively, I was glad I'd finally decided to put up an indifferent facade and fight through this like a soldier with armor. Now she can't hurt me more. More than she already has. I want to forgive her, but I'm not sure she's really thinking. She's thinking about other things, I don't know what, but I can't help but feel like she's not here, in this moment, at all. Maybe she is. I don't know really. Actually, I don't even know her. Suddenly, she's talking about dying and afterlife. "We could get immortality." I state plainly. Why would she get immortality? There is no way she'd want to spend forever with me. There is a solution for every problem she is creating, but she continues to list the problems. She hasn't solved on problem with a solution, just spewing more problems. Our relationship had been fine, perfect, fairytale-like, but now? We didn't even have a relationship now. "Trust me when I say, I did truly want to do that. I wanted my sides to swell with the life we created. I don't, however, want a child when we bicker and fight like old people fighting over their granny smith appes. I wanted a child because I wanted to teach him or her, watch it grow, succeed, do whatever it wants. I wanted to love it unconditionally with endless amounts of adoration and tenderness. I want to teach it to fly and watch it eat its first bite of grass and first drink of water. To raise a child is the ultimate challenge, and the reward is the ability to be proud in the child, no matter what. Is it really a challenge that we can handle? Are we sure of this? I'm a horrible mom, I couldn't do it once, I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I can do any of this again. I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. What if I die giving birth? What if it dies? Honestly, I'm a shit mom." Another worry popped quickly into my head and it became all I thought about. "What if our child hates that I'm into mares? Not everyone is about that lifestyle..." "Also, I really hate the Dragon's Throat. Whenever I am there, I am plagued by the bad memories from my childhood. From everything that happened there. I do not wish to go back, Destry." I said softly, worry seeping into my words. "And Destry? This isn't your fault... I'm just really, really, scared of starting another family and fucking it up again." RE: this house is falling apart -- - Destry - 05-03-2015 DESTRY
RE: this house is falling apart -- - Aurelia - 05-06-2015 She was still here. And for what reason? It was as if my brain was malfunctioning and I didn't know what to do. Ctrl+Alt+Delete? Hold the power button until it turns off? Wait for it to unfreeze? There was no remedy for a malfunctioning brain because brains are different than computers, this I know. So I just stood there, a deer in headlights. My eyes were stuck on hers and I'd forgotten to blink. My eyes stung and I hastily blinked, afraid that if I did, she would be gone when I opened my eyes again. She tried lightening the darkening mood, and her humor would have normally made me laugh, chuckle, anything, but now all that responded to her comment was my lips quivering into a tight smile. This is hard for me. Very hard. She began to arch her neck, chin tucking towards her chest. Suddenly, her horns were pointing towards me, and I knew she wouldn't attack me, but still. I had always been nervous around unicorns, and she was one of them. There is one difference between her and them... I can actually trust her. She won't stab me to death in my sleep because I have wings, and she has them too! I can trust her, I can trust her. Moments after I announce my fears to this dark lady, she comforts me with sweet words and promises of safety. My previous discomfort about her horns is long forgotten now, maybe because I know I'll be safe with her and she to me. She would never hurt me, and I am angry at myself for previously wanting to attack her for smiling. For smiling! I don't own her, for gods sake! She can smile when she wants, I inwardly scold. Suddenly, I am pulled out of my previous frozen state. I step towards her, hesitantly at first, but then with all the passion, desire, and love that I could muster. I move towards her, desperate for an embrace. I wanted her comfort and also to comfort her. I know she wants a family, I do too! Goddamnit. I've wanted a family, a real one. I had one before, but I had not been a strong enough mom to keep us together, I failed. I don't respond to any of her words directly, but instead state something, something that I've wanted to say forever, that I'd only said once or twice, but this felt real now. I kind of liked it. "Destry, I love you. So. Much. I love you to the moon and back an infinite amount of times, and then some." I sobbed out, tears running once again down my cheeks, but they are happy now. Because I am happy for once. Scared as hell, but happy. I don't know if I've ever been this content. I love her! I do! I love her. And I know she loves me, I do. ooc: sorry if this post sounds a little weird, I'm not really used to writing Aurelia happy xD RE: this house is falling apart -- - Destry - 05-15-2015 DESTRY
RE: this house is falling apart -- - Aurelia - 06-02-2015 It's an embrace, a simple gesture, but Destry and I have feeling that makes it more. It's an accepted apology, a glimpse into how it'll be in the future, it's even a sort of promise. In this embrace, she pulls all my pieces together and I can feel myself become whole again, not remains of shattered glass but a beautiful and intricate whole vase. Her desert-y scent is plastered all over my gold body, and I love it. I'm Destry's and she's mine. It's weird, actually. I never thought I'd find someone to love and adore nor did I ever think it'd be a mare, but it is and I couldn't be happier. I feel her wings cage the warm in, a comforting feel. I'd always been scared of being tied down by a relationship, but not now. Now, I am flying. Flying with Destry and our hopes, dreams, everything. Maybe we both have baggage, but who doesn't? I've got a shitload of baggage and it seems my reality scarily fitted with Destry's nightmares. I'd abandoned my children and to me, it seems that's exactly what she's scared off. Yet despite our pasts, we are still able to miraculously love each other with something that appears unbreakable. Yes, we may have just had a bad fight but we've recovered. Maybe somewhere deep down I knew she'd never leave me and I'd never leave her. It'd be shattered if she left me. "I love you more than you'll ever know." A smile played with my lips, tugging the corners skyward into an attractive curve. Her teeth dance around my wither and neck and spine and oh! it's marvelous. She's marvelous. She brings up our quest and my smile grows larger, a beam. "Yes, we shall" My answer is simple, true, but I don't need to say anything else. Have we successfully finished the quest? I wondered if the Earth God would deny us a family for the fact that when we tried to help a child, the foundation of our relationship and everything we had threatened to deteriorate. We had made a bridge between us, but it seemed that bridge crumbled away when we were faced with a small issue. How would we react to a large one? I know that deep down we'll stick together forever. Destry is my first real love, she'll always have that part of me no matter what. She could leave me, shatter me, break me, but surely if she said "I'm sorry" that piece she has always had will force me to forgive her. In some weird way, she's filling the void in my mind created when Shilva died at the hands of an incompetent mare. Ooc: do u wanna go ahead and make the veins thread? |