[P] Rapid Hope Loss - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] Rapid Hope Loss (/showthread.php?tid=23088) |
Rapid Hope Loss - Mesec - 02-28-2016 for @Ampere :D RE: Rapid Hope Loss - Ampere - 02-29-2016 Every storm runs out of rain, just like every dark night turns into day Every heartache will fade away, just like every storm runs out of rain
It had taken her a few moments to gather herself for pursuit. First of all there was Gaucho to deal with, and then there was herself to deal with, because honestly she was still trying to figure it all out from the buzz around her head. As for her kids? She just hoped they were dealt with, which probably wasn't the best way to go about it, and maybe spoke too much about her priorities, but they had Gaucho, who did Mesec have? Me she thought, perhaps selfishly, maybe selflessly. She didn't know, didn't take the time to figure it out, she just went. She didn't immediately find him. Even with Feusohm guiding her, its bony tip a dull sort of north star leading her, Mesec had gotten a head start while she wrapped things up, not to mention his teleportation had carried him a good deal away. The beginning was the hardest, because even though she had a general sense of his direction, she spent a lot of time flying the wrong way and only noticed when it went far enough that the blade tilted to realign with the Nightwind's course. He left traces of destruction when he shifted, but Helovia was fraught with havoc and she bore its scars in every land. From the meadow to the Forest, along the border of the falls, over the spires of the Threshold... northeast until northeast was nearly spent, Ampere flew, and searched, and worried. She checked her dagger often, slathering it with Mesec's name as if fearful it had forgotten and was leading her astray, but it never wavered, he had simply gone that far. Kygo flew with her, but he seeded their bond with doubt and dread that gnawed at Ampere more and more each day she wore out trying to chase the wind and the dark. Finally she asked what she'd been harboring in her heart, an unwelcome shadow cast upon the brightness she was desperate to retain, to emanate like a lighthouse to steer him home. "What if he's gone?" The breeze of her flight stole the words away, but Kygo, secure in the slip stream, didn't need to hear them over the rapid fluttering of her frantic heart and the pulsing worry of discolored violet connecting them. He hadn't wanted to be the first to bring it up, even it had seeped from his feelings into hers, mixing like brackish water. He gave a plaintive cry in response, a sound so lonely, so awful, her soul withered to hear it. She was silent for a moment then, and even their bond ran dry, which was something that happened with increasing frequency. As they aged together, grew to know one another and even accept each other as is the inevitability to being entwined, their power to love and hate one another amplified. He didn't worry now if Ampere fell silent, because it made up for those precious times when she seemed to forget herself and speak to him as if he mattered, as if he was someone that existed and was valued. She had done it just then, when she asked him that question, almost as if she were asking herself but she wasn't, she had asked him. Ampere was vulnerable. Mesec's disappearance was something she felt, like a wound; one she couldn't quite determine how she'd acquired. Had she done this to herself (to him?), or was this on his behalf - did it matter? It would scar over, like all the others, she just needed to find him, damnit! "He's out there," she insisted, her tone harder, edged with a forcefulness as if she had to say it or else she would lose faith in it, so it rushed past her teeth which clicked shut and grit in determination. Kygo said nothing, did his best to feel nothing. He didn't like Mesec any more. The event had been traumatizing to the small bird, whom had sheltered in the trees but nonetheless had seen and heard it all, had felt the electric hum through their bond as Ampere was frantic - felt it now as it continued. He was a small prey animal after all, and he succumbed easily to his baser instincts, to the need to survive (particularly since Ampere didn't try very hard to help him in that aspect). Of course Ampere was a prey animal too, all things considered, so maybe he was just weak, maybe he was just a coward. Even so, Mesec hadn't exactly been good for her before this; just the mention of his name would send her into a tizzy, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but he never liked the unpredictability of it. Well things had certainly gotten a lot more unpredictable. So Kygo didn't want her to find him, didn't even want to look for him, especially not this long, but he wouldn't convey that, because he didn't want to lose Ampere's kindness. Even so, he couldn't help the terror that he wore like a yellow stain on their bond. "He wouldn't leave!" she complained to the conure, a violent splash of gray-blue despair, like the sea in a storm. Yellow dripped steadily into it. The two kept flying, kept following a bone until it led them to blood. Until it led them to him. As they got close enough flying became too swift and the blade kept turning erratically. So Ampere and Kygo landed, the small parrot clutching tightly to her mane as they walked through the crimson wilderness. This was how they found him, bodies pressing slowly through the brush, blue eyes trained steadily upon the pale needle. Kygo gave a gentle "chirrup", and bidden, her gaze lifted. The dagger dropped to the ground with a quiet oomf as it landed and sunk into the snow. Ampere would have gasped, but suddenly all her breath was gone, or rather, caught - she could feel it there, trapped in the back of her throat, blocked by her heart which had lodged itself there. Kygo was petrified, and the sensation crawled like black worms into her conscious, rooting her to the spot. Her pulse thundered and her belly squirmed. Even her blinking stopped, her blue gaze just staring, trenched in disbelief and the paralyzing horror of the bird. She didn't want it, didn't want this awful feeling of distrust and dismay. She clawed to get herself back from the writhing mass of Kygo's emotions, her own sitting in her gut like a cold stone dropped into the sea. Distressed, determined, despaired, she cried. It wasn't the obvious type of cry. It lacked sound, It didn't shake her. it didn't wrench her lips into a frown or even sting the back of her eyes. It was a solemn sort of grief, a serious, slow kind that worked its way from parts she hadn't even noticed until suddenly they were wet and sad. The tears fell silver and small, slow and subtle. "I told you to love me," she whispered, the only volume she could manage around everything else taking up space inside of her, pushing the words down and away when she wanted them. It sounded accusing, even though it was only anguished. "I meant it," she breathed, afraid to exhale and lose him like a dream. Ampere The Mother of Companions RE: Rapid Hope Loss - Mesec - 02-29-2016 -sobs- HAD TO USE THAT PICTURE DIDN'T YOU RE: Rapid Hope Loss - Ampere - 03-05-2016 Every storm runs out of rain, just like every dark night turns into day Every heartache will fade away, just like every storm runs out of rain
She didn't know what the point of her saying that was. To guilt him? Because she couldn't admit that she loved him? Because somehow this would be easier if it was his fault and not hers? Fuck, she was selfish. As if bonding to the bird hadn't been enough, now she had to drag Mesec down into the pit of her soul as well. Ampere had always been that way though, selfish. It was a trait she despised so greatly that she eagerly pecked at it whenever she saw it in others, as if by pointing it out it in them made it easier to live with her own. Except it didn't, and she hated that. Mesec didn't deserve the mess that was her heart and her life. He was too good; despite everything that ought to make him terrible, he was still this bright star shining out amid the night, defying the darkness due to nothing more than his own purity. Ampere didn't even have half the reasons he had, and yet she was something swallowed up by the night, a false glow, brief and erratic like lightning in a storm, but otherwise caught up in the shadows that it cast down. She'd thought maybe she could find salvation in him, the same way he'd turned to the Sun, but you can only save yourself. Could she, this one time? His admission of love brought a new wash of tears to spill down her cheeks, carving out dark stains that glistened in the right light, brief and false. She shook her head at the sensation of them, at his logic, at his desire to leave. It tugged on the edges of her heart, a set of teeth clenched down, tight and painful and firm. "It wasn't luck!" she managed to shout, rousing her voice from whatever depths of paralyzing fear it had sunken into. Kygo continued to waver with anxiety, a constant stream of doubt into her own pool of emotions. She wanted to blame him for this feeling, for this horrendous reluctance that made her bones heavy and her muscles stuff. It wasn't just her bond though, it was her. She was afraid of Mesec. It wasn't just that he could shift into a monster and terrorize her and her family, it was that he lost himself to that. Mesec had always been something strong to her. Not an obvious force of reckoning the way Gaucho was, but something quiet, something subtle, something constant that she had come to depend on. That he was capable of slipping away like that, it was worse than just leaving because he was still She was scared because she couldn't trust him, and that was the worst feeling in the world. Her mind spun, her heart a whirlpool of apprehension that threatened to consume her. She could feel that she was toeing the line of something significant here, and yet she was immobile, unable to move forward and unwilling to move back. So she remained suspended on the cusp of something she couldn't actually define, or maybe just didn't want to. Moments don't wait for you though, they just happen. "You're my family too," she exclaimed, reaching out for him, crossing that line with a step as he retreated. She didn't even notice that she had moved, didn't recognize that her head had lifted, that her eyes had gone dry. If Ampere was selfish, she was also determined, and safety or not, fear or not, had never stopped her before. If you're afraid of something, it's because it matters. In the most simple of terms, Mesec mattered to her, and she wouldn't lose him, even if he lost himself. She could be afraid of him, but she wouldn't lose him. "DON'T LEAVE!" stronger, louder, an attempt to drown out the worry and the trepidation with force and panic. Her steps rushed forward now, her tail drifting across the line as she surged towards him with unrelenting stubbornness. She slowed as she neared, exhausted from overcoming herself, still worn out from trying to find him to begin with - the flash of light dimming back into darkness. "I love you too," she whispered, testing out the implications and the strength of it, prodding the feeling to the surface of the vortex. Yet with that return of quietness, the shadow of the storm, returned that sickening echo of terror. She loved him, but that meant he could break her, warg or not, and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to keep putting herself back together again. Don't leave... not with my heart (selfish). "We can make this work... I fixed you once." still quiet, still afraid. She had stopped him once, but that was when his life was at risk. Did she have the ability to stop him when it was just hers, when she had to defend herself from a depth of darkness that she knew too well? She wasn't so sure about that. Ampere The Mother of Companions RE: Rapid Hope Loss - Mesec - 03-25-2016 |