Three times Mesec shifted as he made his way north, leaving behind the Thistle Meadow - attempting (and failing) to leave behind it all. He had only thought to get away from them and to stay as far away from the Throat as possible until… well, he did not know what the next steps were. Leaving Helovia? Speaking to his mother to see if something could be done? It filled his head the entire journey - those borrowed memories and the thoughts he filled in the blanks with. He remembered how Zero had been close by when he had first started to shift, first realized what was happening, but he didn’t know now if he had hurt his young friend - or if it had just been Gaucho that had received its wrath.

Lucius gave him what information he could - but it was in the middle of the story that a shift had been triggered as the dark pair had passed through the Deep Forest. Several trees had received the brunt of the warg’s anger - as well as an unfortunate deer. From then on, each time that the magic drain caused Mesec to shift back to himself from exhaustion, Lucius remained vague about anything that had happened. Instead, when the memories and dark thoughts caused the warg to return the zephyr would antagonize him and lead him further north following Mesec’s wishes.

It was night when Mesec woke from another shift, lying on the ground near the falls. Sweat covered his coat and his breath was haggard but he got to his feet and looked around - realizing that he did not recognize this place. One of the new lands in Helovia? Or, perhaps, he had in fact wandered right out of Helovia. Lucius called out to him, swooping in to land on Mesec’s wing - his silver markings glowing bright, a reflection of the half moon that hung low in the sky. He nipped at Mesec’s neck, scratching at the soaked skin there, a none-too-gentle action that was both an admonishment and gesture of affection.

Lucius was worried and now that they had gotten this far, what were they going to do now? “I can’t keep this up, Lucius.” His quiet, strained voice barely audible above the noise of the falls behind them. He had no answers for his companion, no idea what should be done now, only knew that running might not be the best option anymore.

we'll go over the mountains and under the stars

It had taken her a few moments to gather herself for pursuit. First of all there was Gaucho to deal with, and then there was herself to deal with, because honestly she was still trying to figure it all out from the buzz around her head. As for her kids? She just hoped they were dealt with, which probably wasn't the best way to go about it, and maybe spoke too much about her priorities, but they had Gaucho, who did Mesec have?

Me she thought, perhaps selfishly, maybe selflessly. She didn't know, didn't take the time to figure it out, she just went.

She didn't immediately find him. Even with Feusohm guiding her, its bony tip a dull sort of north star leading her, Mesec had gotten a head start while she wrapped things up, not to mention his teleportation had carried him a good deal away. The beginning was the hardest, because even though she had a general sense of his direction, she spent a lot of time flying the wrong way and only noticed when it went far enough that the blade tilted to realign with the Nightwind's course. He left traces of destruction when he shifted, but Helovia was fraught with havoc and she bore its scars in every land. From the meadow to the Forest, along the border of the falls, over the spires of the Threshold... northeast until northeast was nearly spent, Ampere flew, and searched, and worried. She checked her dagger often, slathering it with Mesec's name as if fearful it had forgotten and was leading her astray, but it never wavered, he had simply gone that far.

Kygo flew with her, but he seeded their bond with doubt and dread that gnawed at Ampere more and more each day she wore out trying to chase the wind and the dark. Finally she asked what she'd been harboring in her heart, an unwelcome shadow cast upon the brightness she was desperate to retain, to emanate like a lighthouse to steer him home.
"What if he's gone?"
The breeze of her flight stole the words away, but Kygo, secure in the slip stream, didn't need to hear them over the rapid fluttering of her frantic heart and the pulsing worry of discolored violet connecting them. He hadn't wanted to be the first to bring it up, even it had seeped from his feelings into hers, mixing like brackish water.
He gave a plaintive cry in response, a sound so lonely, so awful, her soul withered to hear it. She was silent for a moment then, and even their bond ran dry, which was something that happened with increasing frequency. As they aged together, grew to know one another and even accept each other as is the inevitability to being entwined, their power to love and hate one another amplified. He didn't worry now if Ampere fell silent, because it made up for those precious times when she seemed to forget herself and speak to him as if he mattered, as if he was someone that existed and was valued. She had done it just then, when she asked him that question, almost as if she were asking herself but she wasn't, she had asked him.

Ampere was vulnerable. Mesec's disappearance was something she felt, like a wound; one she couldn't quite determine how she'd acquired. Had she done this to herself (to him?), or was this on his behalf - did it matter? It would scar over, like all the others, she just needed to find him, damnit!

"He's out there," she insisted, her tone harder, edged with a forcefulness as if she had to say it or else she would lose faith in it, so it rushed past her teeth which clicked shut and grit in determination.
Kygo said nothing, did his best to feel nothing. He didn't like Mesec any more. The event had been traumatizing to the small bird, whom had sheltered in the trees but nonetheless had seen and heard it all, had felt the electric hum through their bond as Ampere was frantic - felt it now as it continued. He was a small prey animal after all, and he succumbed easily to his baser instincts, to the need to survive (particularly since Ampere didn't try very hard to help him in that aspect). Of course Ampere was a prey animal too, all things considered, so maybe he was just weak, maybe he was just a coward. Even so, Mesec hadn't exactly been good for her before this; just the mention of his name would send her into a tizzy, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but he never liked the unpredictability of it.

Well things had certainly gotten a lot more unpredictable.
So Kygo didn't want her to find him, didn't even want to look for him, especially not this long, but he wouldn't convey that, because he didn't want to lose Ampere's kindness. Even so, he couldn't help the terror that he wore like a yellow stain on their bond.

"He wouldn't leave!" she complained to the conure, a violent splash of gray-blue despair, like the sea in a storm. Yellow dripped steadily into it.
The two kept flying, kept following a bone until it led them to blood.

Until it led them to him.

As they got close enough flying became too swift and the blade kept turning erratically. So Ampere and Kygo landed, the small parrot clutching tightly to her mane as they walked through the crimson wilderness. This was how they found him, bodies pressing slowly through the brush, blue eyes trained steadily upon the pale needle. Kygo gave a gentle "chirrup", and bidden, her gaze lifted.

The dagger dropped to the ground with a quiet oomf as it landed and sunk into the snow. Ampere would have gasped, but suddenly all her breath was gone, or rather, caught - she could feel it there, trapped in the back of her throat, blocked by her heart which had lodged itself there. Kygo was petrified, and the sensation crawled like black worms into her conscious, rooting her to the spot. Her pulse thundered and her belly squirmed. Even her blinking stopped, her blue gaze just staring, trenched in disbelief and the paralyzing horror of the bird.
She didn't want it, didn't want this awful feeling of distrust and dismay. She clawed to get herself back from the writhing mass of Kygo's emotions, her own sitting in her gut like a cold stone dropped into the sea. Distressed, determined, despaired, she cried.

It wasn't the obvious type of cry. It lacked sound, It didn't shake her. it didn't wrench her lips into a frown or even sting the back of her eyes. It was a solemn sort of grief, a serious, slow kind that worked its way from parts she hadn't even noticed until suddenly they were wet and sad. The tears fell silver and small, slow and subtle.

"I told you to love me," she whispered, the only volume she could manage around everything else taking up space inside of her, pushing the words down and away when she wanted them. It sounded accusing, even though it was only anguished.
"I meant it," she breathed, afraid to exhale and lose him like a dream.

---

Ampere

The Mother of Companions

The moon child and his bird stood as quiet sentinels by the waterfall, the soft silver glow of their bodies a blanket of misery. For a time, it was only Mesec’s laboured breathing that joined the noises of the night. He fought sleep and exhaustion, trying to will some sort of plan into place. After the hurry of their escape, standing still for this long felt strange - and his dark legs trembled occasionally as his mind continued to race. Perhaps he should have stayed, should have apologized, but his mind had been so clouded with the borrowed memories of Lucius - the taste of Gaucho’s blood had still been fresh in his mouth...

A small cry of despair as he realized he still had blood on him - though the majority of it now was from the deer he had hunted. Mesec shut his eyes, as though that simple action could block out the thoughts and images that came with them.

He might not have even noticed that they weren’t alone anymore if it hadn’t been for a low hiss from Lucius where the zephyr was perched on his wing. A rustling in the bushes nearby and Mesec’s eyes flashed open again - looking toward the source. His heart hammered and as he tried to figure out what he could do, looking around for possible escape routes… and then Ampere was there. As soon as he recognized her, it felt as though the world came crashing to a stop - even his own heavy breathing caught and stilled. Those first few moments of disbelief pinned him to his spot and it was all he could do to stare at her. And then crippling wave of selfish, disgusting joy (could he ever look at her and not feel some sort of joy?) mingled with absolute grief hit the demigod as his eyes sought hers. No, no! What was she doing here? Mesec never thought he’d actually wish distance between himself and Ampere. He was used to his own fear and uncertainty keeping them apart, never knowing what to do, but that fear was so silly compared to the one that caused him to back up away from her. Now, instead of being afraid that he would do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing to scare her away, he was afraid he might kill her.

Lucius hissed again but quieted when Ampere didn’t move any closer. She appeared to be no more capable of moving than Mesec was, rooted to her spot as her quiet words and tears fell like blows.

He should leave but he didn’t, not yet.

“I do.” And there it was, the words he had meant to say in the Thistle Meadow, the ones he had been holding onto for so long. This wasn’t how he imagined he might say it - with this distance between them, with this horrible pain shining in his eyes as though he were handing her a death sentence. “I love you so much, Ampere.” The pain of the transformation was nothing compared to what had a grip on him now, his silver eyes shutting against it as they filled with tears of his own.

“That’s why…” He remembered what he had been focused on before he had transformed, remembered the (arguing) family, how perfect they had seemed, how his stupid confession would be. Remembered the heartache of thinking she had tied herself to Gaucho. “I need to leave. I can’t stay here, waiting for it to happen again.” Mesec felt lost - he couldn’t think of what to do next. He honestly didn’t even know if he could leave Helovia or if the blood of his mother rooted him here. “Lucius told me what happened. It was only luck that I didn’t go after you or the foals…” The foals. Zero and the small twins, the ones that looked so much like Gaucho…

He started shaking his head, as much to dispel those images as it was in rejection of this situation. He feared that he had lingered here with her for too long. He was exhausted - his despair had leave to run a destructive course as that violent magic was too worn out to even be called upon. But the risk that it might appear seemed far too great. “I’m not safe, you shouldn’t have come.” He resumed those shaky steps that would back him away, but his hoof struck the ice of the pond behind him and it stalled him from retreating further. “Go back to Gaucho, go back to your family.” His voice cracked with that final word, unable to deny how much he had wished he could have had that with her. Maybe if he had been more forward, maybe if he had realized what she meant to him sooner, but it was too late to think of those lost chances now.

He’d carry his poisonous love for her out of Helovia, into the wilds and far away from everyone he could hurt. Away from her.

we'll go over the mountains and under the stars

She didn't know what the point of her saying that was. To guilt him? Because she couldn't admit that she loved him? Because somehow this would be easier if it was his fault and not hers?

Fuck, she was selfish.

As if bonding to the bird hadn't been enough, now she had to drag Mesec down into the pit of her soul as well. Ampere had always been that way though, selfish. It was a trait she despised so greatly that she eagerly pecked at it whenever she saw it in others, as if by pointing it out it in them made it easier to live with her own.
Except it didn't, and she hated that.

Mesec didn't deserve the mess that was her heart and her life. He was too good; despite everything that ought to make him terrible, he was still this bright star shining out amid the night, defying the darkness due to nothing more than his own purity. Ampere didn't even have half the reasons he had, and yet she was something swallowed up by the night, a false glow, brief and erratic like lightning in a storm, but otherwise caught up in the shadows that it cast down. She'd thought maybe she could find salvation in him, the same way he'd turned to the Sun, but you can only save yourself.

Could she, this one time?

His admission of love brought a new wash of tears to spill down her cheeks, carving out dark stains that glistened in the right light, brief and false.
She shook her head at the sensation of them, at his logic, at his desire to leave. It tugged on the edges of her heart, a set of teeth clenched down, tight and painful and firm.

"It wasn't luck!" she managed to shout, rousing her voice from whatever depths of paralyzing fear it had sunken into. Kygo continued to waver with anxiety, a constant stream of doubt into her own pool of emotions. She wanted to blame him for this feeling, for this horrendous reluctance that made her bones heavy and her muscles stuff. It wasn't just her bond though, it was her. She was afraid of Mesec. It wasn't just that he could shift into a monster and terrorize her and her family, it was that he lost himself to that. Mesec had always been something strong to her. Not an obvious force of reckoning the way Gaucho was, but something quiet, something subtle, something constant that she had come to depend on. That he was capable of slipping away like that, it was worse than just leaving because he was still present.
She was scared because she couldn't trust him, and that was the worst feeling in the world.

Her mind spun, her heart a whirlpool of apprehension that threatened to consume her. She could feel that she was toeing the line of something significant here, and yet she was immobile, unable to move forward and unwilling to move back. So she remained suspended on the cusp of something she couldn't actually define, or maybe just didn't want to. Moments don't wait for you though, they just happen.
"You're my family too," she exclaimed, reaching out for him, crossing that line with a step as he retreated. She didn't even notice that she had moved, didn't recognize that her head had lifted, that her eyes had gone dry. If Ampere was selfish, she was also determined, and safety or not, fear or not, had never stopped her before.

If you're afraid of something, it's because it matters.
In the most simple of terms, Mesec mattered to her, and she wouldn't lose him, even if he lost himself. She could be afraid of him, but she wouldn't lose him.

"DON'T LEAVE!" stronger, louder, an attempt to drown out the worry and the trepidation with force and panic. Her steps rushed forward now, her tail drifting across the line as she surged towards him with unrelenting stubbornness. She slowed as she neared, exhausted from overcoming herself, still worn out from trying to find him to begin with - the flash of light dimming back into darkness.

"I love you too," she whispered, testing out the implications and the strength of it, prodding the feeling to the surface of the vortex. Yet with that return of quietness, the shadow of the storm, returned that sickening echo of terror. She loved him, but that meant he could break her, warg or not, and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to keep putting herself back together again. Don't leave... not with my heart (selfish).
"We can make this work... I fixed you once." still quiet, still afraid. She had stopped him once, but that was when his life was at risk. Did she have the ability to stop him when it was just hers, when she had to defend herself from a depth of darkness that she knew too well? She wasn't so sure about that.

---

Ampere

The Mother of Companions

Mesec wanted the strength to look away from her but he couldn’t, not now. He was so sure these last few moments were going to be all he had - so sure that there was no way out this time - the least he could do was stand here and look at her. Her face was already memorized, he didn’t even need these moments to do that. Why replace the memories of her laughter, of her smile, with the tortured expression she wore now - the tears that he had caused.

Her shout about how it hadn’t been luck had him shaking his head. Of course it had been. “Luck and your mate’s ability to anger… it.” Every time he thought or commented on Gaucho’s place in her life it was another wound but he welcomed the pain now. At least she’d have him. Lucius had told him how thoroughly the Sultan had commanded the warg’s attention - even with the ability to teleport it had only sought out the stallion that had thrown flames toward it. What jealousy existed in him towards Gaucho could not be held onto any longer. There was no future where Ampere would be better off with the monster that Mesec had become instead of the one she had started a family with.

He was weak and he thought he could see it - see how strong Gaucho and Ampere would be together - and he was so glad for it no matter how much it hurt.  

His knees buckled as she claimed he was part of her family too - a staggering step taken to keep himself upright. The exhaustion was wearing on him - Lucius helpfully pointed out that even if Mesec was to run right now, he wouldn’t get very far. Adrenaline had only helped so much but there was little left for the demigod to run on now. All that seemed to be left was sadness in him, all the light had been used up and burnt away.

“HOW can you fix me, Ampere? It’s too much this time.” To reach out and touch her now was incredibly selfish but he couldn’t help it. He took a step closer to her, prepared with every tiny movement for her to recoil from him but refusing to hesitate. If this was going to be the last time he saw her, the last time he touched her, he wouldn’t let his insecurities get in the way. His voice was heavy but hollow, the sadness was rooted far too deeply this time. His silver muzzle sought her cheek if she let him, where the tracks of her tears were. “I don’t belong in your family or your herd.” He had been so close. So close to actually believing that he belonged in both. Megaera had helped that along and even now he thought of the friends he had made there - of Ranjiri, Cera, Ilios, Najya, Aithniel, Zero, Morrigan...

But though light cannot exist without the dark they did not belong together. He had been born to be the darkness, no matter how much he fought that nature. “I need to leave. It’s the best thing I can do for everyone now.” He was pleading with her now, begging her to understand that this was what he had to do, hating that even now he was able to find hope. He did not want to leave, he just couldn’t see another solution. He could not lurk in the wilds of Helovia, ignoring everyone and waiting for the next thing to trigger the painful shift avoiding everyone. “But especially for you.”

The weight of this goodbye was sparking a battle that Mesec feared he’d face for the rest of his life - fighting to keep his emotions in check and losing.

Lucius noticed the signs first - bursting from Mesec’s back to hurl himself at Ampere, to get her away as Mesec collapsed.

--

It was daytime when Mesec woke up. The shift had not lasted long - he had collapsed from exhaustion and an over extension of his powers soon after it had started. In the sunlight his silver eyes searched in vain - there was no sign of Ampere left. No fresh blood to say that he had harmed her and Lucius was quick to confirm.

She was gone.

we'll go over the mountains and under the stars