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Failure [Moon Goddess] - Alysanne - 03-19-2016 we heal with love, She had thought the steps bringing her into the Veins would feel heavier than they did - she thought that it would be hard to admit defeat - but although she carried guilt for failing, it did not weigh her down. Alysanne knew now that her quest had been doomed right from the start, had wondered whether the Goddess had been wise enough to assign her tasks that she could not complete. Not much was blooming at this time of year but Alysanne knew where to look as she travelled south. As she carefully navigated through the veins towards the broken shrines, Hemlock has a handful of brilliant white snowdrops in his small talons. At her encouragement he carefully places them among the blackened symbols of the Moon Goddess’ shrine before flying to land on her folded wings. Maybe she would have been able to make contact through the mists of the seer back in the Edge but this was private and she was still learning to trust the new faces of the Edge. She had only told Iona of her intentions, believing her twin would have come with her otherwise. So much had changed since the last time she had spoken with the Moon Goddess. She had conceived and birthed a daughter, abandoned her herd as they abandoned the Edge for the Falls in a foolish war, found her sister again. Though she remained in the Edge, ever the faithful Moon Doctor, Alysanne was undeniably different than the mare who had started this quest. Whether she was weaker or stronger now that she was no longer that flower-child, well, that was just another line on the growing list of things she did not know. Dawn was just beginning as Alysanne lowers her head, the glass headband Kahlua made her jingling softly with the movement, and she closed her eyes in prayer. “You were right, my Goddess.” She still remembered how angry the Goddess had been with her when she had made her request for the magic. It had seemed so perfect, the ideal way to help those that couldn’t be helped with the healing mists she had as her herd’s doctor. But she knew better now. The price she had been asked to pay was too steep. She had hurt others intentionally in her spars and had refused healing herself afterwards but she would never refuse to heal them. It wasn’t possible - not even once, not even for something as small as a nosebleed or a bruised shoulder. She knew that she had been wrong to ask for that magic now, knew that there were better ways to heal those she loved. “I have failed my quest.” She whispered the words softly to the shrine, sure that she would be heard no matter how quietly she spoke. Whether the Goddess appeared or simply accepted her resignation from this quest with her silence was something she’d have to wait and see. alysanne Alysanne's coming back to talk to the Moon Goddess as instructed to when she came to her senses over her quest xD original quest thread here: this thread @Mythical Request RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - God of the Moon - 03-25-2016
@[Alysanne] RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - Alysanne - 03-26-2016 we heal with love, She hadn’t expected that reaction from the Goddess - the disembodied voice giving words that shocked her, feeling as though each were a physical blow against her and she winced as though they were. The idea that she had failed her herd was what hurt most of all. Alysanne should know better than to make any assumptions about what the Goddess thought or believed because of course she could not even begin to fathom it. The idea that she had failed herself, failed her herd, instead of just the quest was one that she had considered before but Alysanne adopted the guilt readily, her green eyes shutting against the shame that washed over her as her black head lowered. How could she even begin to apologize for her failure, no matter how many times she said those words? She did not get a chance to right then, however, as the Goddess appeared before her - shimmering into being, and Alysanne felt the same pang upon seeing Her. This incredible, ethereal being who was radiating disappointment. Her next words were a surprise, furthering the mare’s feeling of incompetency, of failure. She raised her head - not completely, every line and muscle of her body one of apology and submission - with this surprise, so that she could look upon the Goddess with ease. Confusion clouded her sad green eyes as the words as she found her voice once more. “I... thought you wanted me to see the error of my wish. That you disagreed with the magic I sought and thought it would be better if I failed… I am so sorry for not understanding.” She had thought the goddess wanted her to fail - thought that had been the whole point. Give her a series of tasks she would find impossible so that she would see how wrong she had been to want to take away pain from others. But, it would seem, she had been wrong. Alysanne’s unsettled heart blinded her to so much lately - it was hardly surprising. The next question, the tone with which it was spoken, made the Moon Doctor feel like little more than a child being taught a lesson by her mother. “I would.” The words were quiet but came out in a rush, without hesitation, and even in the moments after when she thought about it she knew they were true. Every time. alysanne @Mythical Request . RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - God of the Moon - 03-26-2016
RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - Alysanne - 03-26-2016 we heal with love, “Oh.” As the Moon Goddess spoke, as she slowly began to explain why, Alysanne realized just how wrong she had this entire thing. The realization settled on her heavily, the guiding hand of the Goddess showing her the point of the quest that Alysanne had completely missed. Now she saw - knowing she would not have realized it without the help. Her wings drooped a little bit and she relaxed her stance a little bit as it settled on her mind. “I got so caught up in it, was so afraid of refusing to heal someone that needed me…” It had scared her so much, that final task, enough that she had forgotten why she was seeking further healing magic to supplement that which she was given as a Moon Doctor. The big picture had been completely lost on her, incredibly so. So much that she had practically forgotten what the magic she had sought was. Of course one of her herd members would have helped her if Alysanne had asked - her sister would have accepted without a second thought. She had just never asked, keeping the burden of her quest secret from everyone. “I was so blinded by my own pain, the mere thought of leaving someone with so much as a bleeding nose was too much… I’m a doctor how could I refuse them?” Even Tembovu, who she wasn’t particularly fond of (to put it nicely), she hadn’t been able to turn away from his pain. The driving need to heal him had been its own pain for her, refusing to even entertain the idea of putting her own healing needs before his. Alysanne truly thought herself to be selfless - the movement of putting herself before others came so naturally. But it was how her heart constricted at the thought of their pain that motivated her. Did that make her selfish? Wanting to ease the effect on her own soul while saving them? She had thought it was too high of a price to pay - wasn’t even entirely convinced she could even do it now - but the uncertainty made that resolve of hers waiver. The choice of hurting one to save so many more seemed so simple when spoken in the curt (yet caring?) manner of the Goddess. “I was selfish and short-sighted, wasn’t I? I didn't think...” Alysanne had known that she failed but the depth of that failure was settling on her as she started to understand what the Goddess had meant. Or, she thought she was understanding. Her attention had not shifted from the Moon Goddess but she crawled out of the dark thoughts in her mind to bring up another question, finally one that wasn't rhetorical. “What do I do now?" If she was not capable enough to figure out the reason for her quest, was she still fit to be a Moon Doctor in the Edge? alysanne @Mythical Request RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - God of the Moon - 04-18-2016
RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - Alysanne - 04-20-2016 we heal with love, Alysanne felt lighter for her understanding but also because the Goddess’s mood had shifted. It was a wonderful feeling, to be in the presence of a smiling deity. Although she had heard of the terrible things that her patron had done, it was hard to think such evil things of the face hosting that smile, or who laughed in such a light manner. The painted mare found the corners of her mouth tugging into a grin in kind at the jest about Alysanne being the doctor and not the seer. Her mind was forever ruled by her heart, for good or bad, and she was truly in the best profession for such a mind. She knew that Kaj and Archibald must have been wrong in their crusade to depart from the Edge, the others had been wrong to follow them, but she felt the conflicted feelings over the matter slip away. She was being given another chance to finish her quest and although she felt a little hesitant (did she even want this magic anymore?) she knew that she should at least try. “I would like that, to finish...” Perhaps it would be a little easier this time. Perhaps being the operative word, she wasn't entirely sure that all this knowledge actually would help her keep her resolve when it came down to the act of denying healing. But if they knew, if they wanted to help... it didn't feel so impossible anymore and that meant everything. “The same terms as before?” Alysanne was quickly learning she shouldn’t assume anything, especially when it came to lessons and quests from the Goddess. And she wanted to make sure that 'finishing this quest another way' meant the knowledge she had now instead of new tasks to accomplish. “And… thank you.” For so much but for guiding her, explaining to her, and for giving her another chance. Her green eyes softened with genuine gratitude. alysanne @Mythical Request RE: Failure [Moon Goddess] - God of the Moon - 04-24-2016
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