[P] So Many Changes - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] So Many Changes (/showthread.php?tid=25232) |
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So Many Changes - Amani - 09-16-2016 AMANI Weeks have passed, and it has become clear that I am indeed pregnant. I have to admit, I am scared. Not only am I gonna be a mama, but I have no idea even how to be one. My own only cared for me for a few short months before dying protecting me. Even my adoptive mom hadn't been around me long as I left the Falls to come here. I have only seen her once since. Never in all my days did I figure that I would be blessed enough to be a mother. Now, here I am carrying a child. Not the child of the one I had hoped, but a soon to be mother none the less. My sides have swollen a bit more, making it extremely obvious that I am pregnant. First thing first, I need to find Hector and tell him. But before I can do that, a familiar form meets my golden eyes. Cera, oh man.... I could feel my heart beating out of my chest for a mere moment before.... Oh shit. How do I tell him? How will he react? I had seen him storm off from our Sultan's... The WildFire's.... I can't even think the words. Is that not the same reason Hector and I had ended up doing what we had done? The emotions were high. Between that and him actually showing me the slightest attention. Well, nothing like the present right? "Cera?" My voice is soft, questioning if now was a good time or not. My frame tenses, afraid of what he would say when he saw me. Would he be angry? Upset? Hurt? "their speech goes here and this is the color @Cera RE: So Many Changes - Cera - 09-20-2016
@Amani RE: So Many Changes - Amani - 09-22-2016 AMANI I stiffen as he turns. A part of me debates covering my sides with my wings... But it will not help. I know this. Even my wings can not cover the obvious swell of life inside me. I am okay, until he speaks. "Amani. How are you?" The tone... Oh how my heart breaks at the tone in his voice when he finally does speak. Gone is the tone I was used to. Replacing it, I do not like this... It's clear something is off. My jaw tightens, and I step backward as if to flee. not for worry of myself or the babe... But simply because I can feel the tension. "I am.. okay. I lied. I flat out lied to the one who for so long my heart had belonged to. Hell if I am honest there is a piece of it that will always belong to Cera. He was there when so many were not. How have I repaid him? By coming and going and disappearing and reappearing.... As his eyes move to my flanks and the new life they contained I flinch. "Congratulations. Hector, right?" I nodded. I can not seem to find my voice for a few moments... And then the hormones kick in. My range of emotions spin and switch in ways I never knew they could. "Yes." I say simply. My voice cracks slightly which is why I do not say more than one word at first. But then.... The emotions erupt in a way I never knew was possible and I just can not hold them in. "It should not of happened. I do not love him.... But I returned to find.... My voice cracks again and I could not say the words. "My emotions, were insane.... It was like losing my parents all over again.... And then I stumbled upon Hector...." I look away, tears beginning to well up in the corners of my golden eyes. My tone turns bitter when I speak again. "I should of sought you out. Maybe if I had, things would be different. Maybe I would be carrying your child instead." I paused for only a moment as I begin to completely lose it. Emotions were pouring out of my mouth faster than my brain could process just what I was saying. "I should be carrying your child.... Because.... Because I've loved you as more than a friend for the longest time even if you never noticed me in return. I should of spoken so long ago... But I was afraid i'd lose the one who meant the most to me.... And now I think I've hurt you instead.... My voice breaks, almost choking over the last word spoken.... I had said it. There was no turning back now. My hooves begin to carry my shaking and crying frame backward. My wings fall at my sides as I just can not bring myself to become airborne... Inside I feel like that little child again... The same one he had sheltered under his wing when he brought me here.... And I have let him down and so much more. "their speech goes here and this is the color @Cera RE: So Many Changes - Cera - 09-25-2016
RE: So Many Changes - Amani - 09-25-2016 AMANI I have to admit, I am stunned when my lie passes him by without a word. This, this is not like the Cera I know and love. Have I really hurt him so deeply that he simply does not care for me at all anymore? Is that how I am getting this pass to lie to the one I have looked up to, cared and even loved all of my life? Am I really that, unlovable? My mind begins to race with thoughts of fleeing, even as heavily pregnant as I am. Would I be able to lift myself high enough to make it over the waters that now made my home an island? If I could, where would I go? Could I flee and start fresh? Just my unborn child and I... Away from all those who surely hate me for coming and going the way I have. Call myself by another name and simply disappear from everyone I have ever let down. The words come up in a rush. My mind hadn't even full processed what I was saying before I was already saying it. After I have spoken, I stand there in a state of shock. Tears freely flowing down my reddish-brown cheeks. "I would never take advantage of you like that," Deep down I know it. To be honest Hector and I took advantage of each other. He for a fling, and I.... The temporary feeling of being loved and cared for. As I step back, Cera steps forward as if we were in some kind of a strange dance. "I...Amani..." I continue to step backward. Only he can stop me, but even I am unsure how. I am shaking now, as all my emotions that I have been hiding and bottling up for years slam into me full force. My grief for my parents, for Gaucho. The feelings of being unwanted in the Throat. Everything. "I wish you had told me earlier," I can not bare to look at him. His voice... "I don't know how I would have responded. I know I loved you, but I'm not sure if it was romantic...I only ever wanted to keep you safe and happy, Amani." The words slip from my mouth, soft and quiet as ever. "I was scared that if I did, and you didn't... That I would lose you too.." I dropped my head and stopped retreating. Here I am, pouring my heart out to one who... I don't even know if he loves me as a friend anymore... In my silence, he speaks. "I...I cannot say how I feel for you. For anyone, anymore. I always saw you as a little sister or a child to protect all these years...it would have been inappropriate to think of you in that way." Once again, I know he is right. I have always been three years younger than he is. I have always been the child, the little sister, the one who needed to be sheltered and protected from the cruel world. Cera... he had always been my golden knight. The one who I thought... It doesn't even matter anymore what I thought.... Because he's not. No one is. In the end I will always be that stupid little girl that no one wants. "I'm sorry" My front legs begin to shake, unable to keep holding my trembling frame any longer. They buckle first, followed by my hind legs as my frame hits the sand. The foal kicks at my belly in anger at this. It's the first time I've felt a kick... Or any movement really. I should be rejoicing. Instead i'm laying in the sand a blubbering mess.... "their speech goes here and this is the color @Cera |