His child has disappeared from the borders of his home, and the Aurelight can scarcely breathe with each day she remains on her journey. He regularly follows the trail she has left, a thousand worries occupying his thoughts and days. She has never ventured this far before, never cast her wings to the sky to take her away from him, from the protections of the Falls. Now he knows how Resplendence and Quilyan felt, all those seasons when Rue had disappeared. He only prays, a broken and crippled father, to the saintly patron of his herdland that she will return to him. Safe, alive. He cannot bear to imagine her hurt in any way, can't even think of anything worse, anything more permanent, without feeling so ill he fears he may vomit. 

Days are spent pacing the borders, frazzled and sleepless. The soldiers have likely never experienced so many days off of duty, with how Kaj continually takes over their rotations. There are no friends, brothers, or sisters to remind him to take it easy. To breathe. Resplendence is gone. As is Quilyan, wherever the amnesiac had wandered off to. Archibald and Brisa have far more on their minds than Kaj. And he is alone, without Sohalia or his beloved daughter. His little lightning, his angel. 

When he hears her call for him, he thinks he is hallucinating. But he races for the sound of her tremulous voice regardless, willing to take any chance and believe in any mirage if it brings her back to him. And it's her, she's there, and the relief that spears through his heart could bring him to his knees if his love for her was not driving him powerfully forward to envelope her in the safe cocoon of his wings. He can scarcely restrain himself from truly touching her, but as a father he cannot cause her that kind of physical pain. Instead he bows his head until their hornless brows are almost touching and breathes his little air-kiss against her nostrils, the sound catching on a hitched breath that he will not allow to turn into a sob in her presence. 

"Aleta," he cries, eyes stinging. "Mijn vrienden, mijn geliefd, where have you been? Oh my angel, why were you gone so long?" And he curses the season that had given her such frailty, because he longs so badly to touch her, to ascertain that she is real and safe, unharmed. But instead he slowly drops his wings from where they shield her, looking deep into her dual colored gems, sensing her despair. He will reprimand her for her foolishness later. For now, Kaj cannot let her continue spiraling into whatever pit she has fallen into. 

"Aleta, what's wrong? Tell me, sweetheart." Whatever or whoever had harmed her would face his wrath without prejudice or restriction. Nobody would cause his daughter pain of any sort. He would stand before her as a buffer, a shield, and he would be her defender in any battle of the mind or body. Kaj was utterly devoted to her. 

       

It is agony to see his darling girl's face crumpled and struck through with pain, and be incapable of touching and consoling her. Kaj has learned, since they discovered Aleta's revulsion of touch and contact, that comfort and love can be expressed in so many ways aside from the physical. But he was a creature of touch, himself. It was difficult to restrain himself sometimes, when all he wanted to do was let Aleta know that the world was not always so full of physical pain. That a gentle touch could bring comfort and serenity instead of a fire along her nerve endings. And as her expression screwed up and she began to sob, Kaj knew he would never in his life understand a deeper pain than what it felt like to see his baby girl crying her heart out, unable to draw her into his embrace or wipe away her tears. His own sprang forth, silent things that depicted his torture. 

Her words tumbled out, shattered and uncoordinated, and Kaj felt the knife twist deeper in his aching heart. He had suspected Sohalia had returned to the Throat, and he was not so blind or desperately hopeful to think Aleta would not be impacted by her absence. He had tried. Gods, he had tried to be enough for Aleta. It was not fair to either of them, but Kaj had done as much as he conceivably could to fill the void Sohalia would inevitably leave in Aleta's life by living so far away. But Kaj was only so big, and he could not fill both the space of a father and a mother, no matter how he tried. No matter how he always would try, for the sake of his daughter. But knowing that Sohalia had another family, maybe even a mate, children and siblings both he and Aleta had never known about...it hurt Kaj as much as it must hurt Aleta. 

Why had she never told them? They could have explained this to Aleta together, spared her the pain of having gone on a journey and finding out entirely on her own. They could have kept her from feeling abandoned, replaced. And he despairs, because his loyalty is to his daughter above anything else. Everyone else. And he wants to be upset with Sohalia, but he can't muster the anger when he feels just as abandoned. They had never loved each other, not in the way that most mates loved each other. But they had been friends. Confidants. They had understood one another, and yet...

His own tears blur his vision, because he can't fix this. This is beyond his power, and his heart swells with vibrant grief that he could not spare his beloved daughter this realization. 

"Oh Aleta," he whispers, brow drawn tight with pain. He doesn't know what to say. He wants to say that he's there for her, even if Sohalia never returns, but as an adult - as her father - he cannot willingly turn her against her mother like that. Neither deserve that, and yet his own emotions make this part of parenting so difficult. "Aleta I...I know your mother may not live here any longer, and she may have a mate and other children in the Throat. But that does not mean she doesn't love you anymore, my angel," he said softly, breathing warm air across her forelock, tousling the pale strands in a sad attempt at trying to comfort her when he could not even touch her. 

"It's okay to be angry, and to be upset. She should have told us. But even if I had another daughter, would I not still love you?" The Aurelight tried to catch her eyes, his own expression a sad form of sincerity. "I will always be here for you, my love. No matter what you decide to do. You don't have to get to know your other siblings, or see your mother for a while if you need time to think. But she loves you, Aleta. Sometimes we just...make mistakes, and hide away from saying the truth because we're scared." Kaj didn't know what else he could conceivably say to his daughter to make this better, without making her feel like he was siding against her somehow.