The sky is painted in hues of red, swathed with flashes of orange and crimson to create a flaming sunset of colours. Beneath the resplendent glory of the early evening, the massive black stallion moves at a fluid trot, his huge hooves kicking up chunks of sand behind him as he marches through his kingdom. Considering his inexperience at fighting on sand when he first came to live here, Volterra now fancies himself as an expert at duels within his desert home. He is master of his sands; he knows every inch of them, and has vowed to fight upon every grain. I'M A WHISPER LOST UPON WIND, I'M THE EMBER THAT'LL BURN YOU DOWN I'M THE WATER THAT'LL DROWN YOU, I'M THE STAR THAT'S JUST A BLACK HOLE NOW |
I'll start my teaching notes in full after your first attack post, but here's just a couple of things to bear in mind :D
- How much do you know about the dice roll system? Let me know and I'll tailor my next notes accordingly :) I'm happy to explain anything about how the dice work, and feel free to ask any other questions as well!
- Try and mention your surroundings in your reply, and also mention the differences between our characters' stats. If you go into their profiles and then the fight tab, it'll give you their base stats, like for example Volterra's strength is 9 compared to Azulee's 7.
- We both get three posts each, and I also have a closing defense because I attacked first.
- Have fun ;D
[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]
Dragon's Throat Warrior atk: 5.0 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6.0 |
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2 hands :: 6 years :: Orangemoon HP: 65.0 | Buff: NOVICE |
Valda |
Azulee! The lightning-mare rises to attention, her boyish figure drawn up tall and black wings brandished to the sky. White-rimmed ears prick to her sultan's summons, and she feels the blood quicken in her veins. His voice is deep and thunderous, a battle-cry! and it electrifies the storm-child's bones, waking sparks that hiss between her feathers and lick at her heels. Let us spar! Inky lips split into a smile made for war. She lifts a cloven hoof to paw at the air, a declaration to her eagerness. "Let us! I've been waiting, Sultan!" Her voice trumpets across the distance, a riotous sound, lips drawn up into a snarl. Before this goliath, Azulee is skinny and stout. But the storm-bird, all long limbs and rough edges, captures her strength in the instinctive craning of her neck, the unfurling of mighty wings. She knows her strength, the passion of the storm that paints her skin the same which electrifies her veins and sparks through eyes of the same voltage. They glow ferally below moonspun lashes as she casts her gaze over Volterra's imposing form, a fortress of flesh and hardened muscle hurling itself toward her like a freight train. The little bird cloaked in thunder braces for the impact of his body-made-battering-ram, ducking her head down and away and lowering herself a bit as to avoid becoming unbalanced. His teeth clasp the bridge of her nose, and she lashes out with a bite of her own in retaliation just as he hits her full force, his weight forcing the air clean out of her lungs. She stumbles as the sand shifts beneath her hooves, her limbs tangling beneath her. Her wings flare outward, hoping to muster some semblance of balance as she crumbles to a knee, feeling her heart climb into her throat and hang there for a second. She tries to swallow it down, her eyes swimming in water. Her muscles throb and Azulee grits her teeth, anger burning in her chest as she scrambles to her feet, her right leg lagging a bit. With a growl she swings her right wing forward, hoping to clobber him in that fat head of his with a vengeful right-hook. Her wings are mighty, and she knows it. They are her most impressive asset, and she means to wield them like the worthy weapons they are. i've got your wild-eyed ways. |
ok so I know this is hugely lackluster and probably doesn't make much sense fundamentally but I've been struggling a lot in real life lately so I hope this can suffice :<
hard mode—HP: 65/65
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5 |
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE |
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow |
Into the thunderbird he slams, his chest having the desired effect and causing her to scramble upon the Throat's shifting sands. Those great wings of hers unfurl, and Volterra is once more taken aback by the sheer size of them. He knows pegasi - indeed, he's bedded them - but he's never seen one with wings as huge as Azulee's. Again, he marvels at the fact she can even get them to work, whilst also admiring their obvious power and possible use as a weapon. He'll need to be careful of them, as they undoubtedly hurt when they strike. I'M A WHISPER LOST UPON WIND, I'M THE EMBER THAT'LL BURN YOU DOWN I'M THE WATER THAT'LL DROWN YOU, I'M THE STAR THAT'S JUST A BLACK HOLE NOW |
No worries at all! :)
Prose/grammar/emotion:
Your post was beautiful! I love your use of prose and your sentence structure, and I also didn't spot any typos or grammar errors which is awesome! Getting the writing part of a fight right is half of the battle already won so it's great that you're doing well in this section :)
Attacks:
I loved her wing attack - it was simple, well-written and easy to understand, and using her wings is definitely a good idea as they're a major asset that she has over him!
My only small gripe is regarding her earlier bite attack. It's very unspecific and I wasn't sure if it was even an attack at all or just a throwaway comment. I'd liked to have seen more detail about it, such as where she was aiming for, how forceful she was etc. Also, be careful with your timings. As per my post, both of Vol's attacks - the slam and the bite - are happening simultaneously, however the way it's written in your post, the bite happens before the slam as she has time to take the bite damage and then launch her own bite before he hits her.
It's only a minor thing, but be careful with timings like that, as they can cause deductions for GM/PP :)
Damage taken:
You mention that his bite hits her nose but I couldn't really see any mention of how much damage was caused to her. When taking damage, it's best to be as specific as possible so the judge can make sure you're taking enough for the dice roll. Try to go into detail about whether she's received a bruise or a cut, if it's deep/light, if it'll affect her throughout the fight etc. For a 3 dice roll with Vol's high damage stat you probably don't need to have her injuries be too debilitating, but the bite attack seemed to be really brushed over.
You did well taking the slam attack though! I liked how she stumbled and hurt her leg.
Other:
At the end of your fight post, make sure you put the post number (so it should have been 1/3, to help the battle admin know to roll the dice) and also your word count! You get penalised for going over 800 words, so adding a word count to your posts helps you remember to stay under the limit :)
You made a vague mention of their breed differences but I would have liked to see you go deeper into this. To do this, you're better off going into their profile pages and into the 'fight status' tab, which gives you their base stats. For example, Vol is strength 9, speed 5, agility 6, endurance 6. Azulee is strength 7, speed 6, agility 5, endurance 4. So, surprisingly their strength isn't that much different! You could go into how he's going to be able to land heavier hits and how she'll tire faster due to her endurance. If you also show her beginning to tire towards the end of the fight as well, it'll show that you're using these stats as well :D
I'd have also liked to see some mention of the surroundings, such as the soil underfoot and the heat. It helps to give the reader a good idea of how she's handling the surroundings and also lets the judge know that you're paying attention to where the fight is set. Overall though this was a solid post!
[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]
Administrator atk: 99 | def: 99 | dam: 99 |
Mare :: Other :: 5'7" :: 25 HP: 99999 | Buff: TWERK |
Blu |
Helovia Hard Mode