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12-31-2014, 07:47 PM
He said he always cared. Sure, maybe he cared because I was a part of his herd but I don't think he cared. He tried. He protected because that was all he knew, but I didn't think he cared, deep down cared. I sigh, listening to each of the words that start to fall from his lips. "Gaucho. You care about safety, but I'm not sure you care about the relationships within the herd." I pause, eyes closed as I usually did when I was attempting to figure out how to word what I was going to say. Simpler. I knew I needed to make it simpler.
I exhaled as he grit his teeth, still struggling to find a simple way to explain it. "You have your companion, Mara. You keep her safe. You understand her. You feel each other. You talk, you explain, you are both there." Again, I'm pausing, frustration in my eyes as I still fight to come up with something that he would understand. "I'm sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I'm trying to keep it so it makes sense. But, Gaucho. Caring is more than flying around the borders and keeping them safe. Sure, the herd will know they are safe inside but they don't know that you, specifically you, care enough to go to that later. If you want to show you care, for most of us here, it requires words. Maybe not the most eloquent words, Gaucho, but words. Words that show some kind of understanding of the situation. Gaucho, all I've seen from you is an impulsiveness towards battle and fighting. I've seen you protect those of the herd, but I've never seen your frame relax and simply be when there is nothing to protect them from." I choked, backing up a few steps - preparing to be hit, preparing for this entire thing to happen. "I understand if you want to hit me - to fight me for even daring to speak to you like this. But you cannot learn if you do not see what is wrong. If you don't want to hurt Sohalia again - if you want a herd to be completely behind you… Gaucho you have to learn about them. You have to speak with them and know them." I pause, sharply taking breath in. "Please, Gaucho. Tell me what you knew about me before today. Tell me what you thought. What about me made you care other than the fact that I was a Throat Citizen?" It was an attempt. I had to make him see. I had to make him understand. It was his fighting and willingness to charge into battle that had caused Sohalia's hurt. I just wanted him to start to understand that sometimes caring wasn't about protecting them at the cost of your life. Sometimes caring is being at their side as they fight their own daemons. And he said Soh knew about Phaedra, but not Skysong. "I will look for Note if you can describe his build and demeanor for me. And when Soh returns, I will be there for her as long as she needs me. She is family for me too. She took me in and gave me a second chance when most refused to believe I had a use." I said, trying to stand firm when deep down I knew that I could be rolled over in an instant and never actually return to the Falls. Rasta you're my downfall, you're my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and blues - i can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you |
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Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say
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Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say
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