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QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: EDGE Rubrics

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Official
#13




FAELENE

CHALLENGER -- Round 2

[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: Horn aimed at Tares

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 2| Emotion - beautiful use of emotion
+ 1| Flow

CHALLENGER -- Round 3

[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Running from Tares' fire wings
+ 1| Realistic hit on the shoulder from the spear
+ 1| ATTACK: kicking out at Azzuen
+ 1| DEFENSE: Using Aurelius and Lena to escape being injured again
+ 1| ATTACK: Tries to thrust upward with her horn to catch Azzuen

[Prose]
0| Easy Read: The contrast between passive and active voice was very confusing, and I often did not know exactly where she got hurt. I had to reference the synopsis too often.
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow: Could definitely use better, smoother transitions

CHALLENGER -- Round 4

[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: trying to bite Leander's haunches


[Prose]
0| Easy Read: When you use "she", you have to dinstinguish between the multiple female characters in the vicinity.
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Staying with her own team instead of going to her love :(

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow


CHALLENGER

[Bonus]

[Injuries]
- 1| Spear to the neck

[Creativity]
+ 1| "So war it would be. It did not bother her it came to this, she realized she did not want to live with the alternative."

Comments: This was really, really good for your first try at a brand new Helovian battle style! Just make sure that you be overly specific with where your character is getting hit and where your character is attacking. IT's better in these situations to dumb down rather than be overly artistic.

TOTAL
Challenger - 18





Messages In This Thread
RE: QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: EDGE Rubrics - by Official - 10-05-2012, 01:46 PM

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