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Is it too hard to spit out, then; sorry?
What was she searching for, anyway. The warmth of her Sultan’s soul? How could he be, when he had just told her that even his fires were cold.
She glanced at him while he threw back words… Words which she had expected to come, perhaps, but had not wanted to hear. What had she been betting on to happen, really, in what untrustworthy machine had she put in her faith, this time? Why did she even bother; relying if her trust got swung over shoulders like old backpacks, instead of being hold close and buried in the soul like a secret. Even in this family under the Sun, they were still all just individuals, failing to understand another’s mind and need - Not caring and unable to find sympathy for those who just needed a few words of kindness in a troubled time. She had not asked for him to ease her problems, nor had she asked for the awkwardness of a hug. But one soft spoken sorry would just have been nice to hear.
Instead he just told her to basically get her fucking mind straight.
To perfect the fuck up.
Maren stared at him with a face that reflected less and less understanding of his words. We can put up such believable charades, but in the end we are all just hypocrites, spreading only the songs that will be listened to - until that beautiful song gets interrupted. Her mouth had fallen open slightly, words in her head swirling and dancing, but this time she did not let them out. For it would be to much and he would definitely rip her from her Sun-warmed sands - Or maybe he wouldn't. But trusting in his acceptance and good…? No, not again. It was already spilled.
Instead, his words echoed in her mind. ”Maren come here from far away. Far away is where Maren's fear began, and you bring it with you across all these miles. You bring it with you to new family and new life. You hold it close and yell at Gaucho because of your fear.” She had grown to feel accepted by him, as they seemed to have enjoyed their last talk. But perhaps that was something she had just imagined, too. “Do you think I like to be afraid? Do you think I am not trying to fix my own”, fucking “Problems?” The world was not her kingdom. She had already adjusted - long ago. But some wounds took more time to heal. So if he told her to get over herself... She, worshiper of the Gods and slave of her own mind - She, not trying to overcome obstacles that stood in her way of learning about life and that what surrounded it? Is he trying to make me laugh?
She swallowed the hollow lump in her throat as her eyes wandered off to stare into the fire, not sure what to look for while the presence of the Descendant made the air around her so heavy. The fire reflected against the gold in her eyes. Somewhere she understood his straightforward understandings, as he was a straightforward man. But as both a religious and a scholar, it was sometimes hard to separate the two when feelings so strong flared from her insides. She let out a cloudless sigh as she tried to relax her trembling skin. Again her gaze turned upwards, saw the fire-burning figure of the sun-touched stallion through the smokescreen and heat waves rising from the fire.
“I am holding this silent protest because I am the Disciple of the Sun, and because that makes me one of the only two candidates to have this conversation with you, as we should be able to speak the same language when it comes to our faith…”, her eyes lingered up as her neck had lowered, even though he was already so tall. She did not want to fight him over a mutual God. “Unless you don’t take my faith in the Sun seriously - If you see my position as the Lord’s follower as a joke?” Two days ago that would have been her weak point, would have her caught in casual desperation, unknowing. Then she had still been confused by the direction the Oak had pointed her, had still been stupidly seeking truth. But even such unknowings would not have been able to drive her this far, for at some point she would’ve found her way. Now the only reason she wanted to go home was because she knew she belonged there - because of the Patron she needed, and she would do everything for him, for He was the ultimate. “It’s true that I am speaking on my own behalf now, but do you really think the fear of fire is rare?” She had softened the rough edges of her tone now that she saw that all the emotions she had let herself leak simply reflected back from his feel-repelling chest. There was no use making this about her any longer, for he just didn't care. But her eyes still reflected the still smoldering fury she felt, for a fire never just went out. “Don’t you believe me when I say there will be more to come? More new arrivals that will find themselves promptly forced to face their fear, every time they come and leave their new home? Is fear what you want your home to represent? Or will you let them walk away, discriminate against those who are the weak, the unovercoming in your eyes?” Would he reject them their homes the same way the Basin had done?
But along with the smoke she could smell herself losing this battle, as she might as well been talking to the bridge itself. Maybe, if the Sun really did resided in the illusionary, cold flames, he would turn the bridge into something else. A rainbow, perhaps. But the boats that sailed the waters of her Sultan’s mind seemed to chase one route, and one route alone. Even though there were so many more to be explored. “I believe that... the God of the Sun is not just bold, vividly shining fire, is not only some to be seen burning on the charcoals of the earth from even afar. For me he is also light and life, casual warmth and health just as much - if not more.” She looked at the soft mists that had been started to build up around her hooves as the warmth of the fire that burned within her vaporized that of water to damp. “For me He is also in the shadows.”
@[Gaucho] || Notes: || Wordcount: 1105 || "talking" ||
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