Hotaru had never had a reunion with anybody before. Her mind was a tangled mess, the one thing she felt she could always rely upon faltering, her heart guiding her. It had always lead her wrong, steering her into brambles with such surety it was like she had some sort of compass for heartbreak. He stood before her, a ray of bright joy unfitting of his blackened hide, signifying everything she had once been and loved. A child, an innocence she had purposefully killed in herself, but one that still existed in dredges and threads that sang out to him almost desperately. She could not control herself, and it terrified her. She did not react this way to others, did not show them this side of her, the one she'd been so sure she'd slaughtered and burned. Hotaru did not know this mare that stood before him, heart fluttering with happiness and a genuine smile upon her lips, but it felt...it felt horrifyingly natural. Was this who she was, beneath all the lies and facades? It had always been her plan, to thoroughly fool herself, in an attempt to overcome what fate had destined for her personality. Had she both succeeded and failed in equal measures, to be so shocked by this revelation, and yet to have been shocked in the first place?

Had he not been speaking, smiling, existing in the beautiful shroud of light before her, she likely would have had the time to panic. Instead he distracted her, pulling her free of her defenses while they were down and shattered, leaving her no time to try and erect them once more. She was helpless against his cheerful, unassuming joy. You have no idea the things I've done, do you Mesec? Perhaps the only soul left in Helovia that had known her as she once was, but had not been thoroughly tainted by the awareness of what she had become. And yet, instead of wrapping the fabric of her feigned pride and arrogance around her to reveal to him exactly how far she'd fallen into sin, she...she didn't. 

She wanted so fiercely for him to see her as the shy, clumsy foal from the Foothills. A deep, sorrowful ache existed in her chest that cried out for her to allow him this lie. Please, see me only as this. She prayed that it would never be revealed to him, if only so she could keep him as her safe haven, the place to run to when she needed to throw aside her multitude of lies and cloaks and try to remember where her roots were. 

Still...

"Thank you," she said softly, head tilting and eyes soft with her smile. "I wasn't well received at first unfortunately, one of our head Thief ranks...well, it's different now. I never thought I'd be lead material. Weird, huh?" She let it go, laughing softly in disbelief at how far she'd come. Of course, she wasn't entirely surprised. She'd fought for every inch she'd ever gained, but...from the viewpoint of where she'd been when Mesec had known her, it was definitely a long shot. Did he still see that clumsy, useless girl when he looked at her? She was almost hurt by the thought. She wanted him to see her as beautiful and capable, elegant and deserving of the title. But why, if she wanted to revel in what had been? Why, when he represented the past? Her own emotions were too convoluted to understand.

What Hotaru did understand was the reluctance, the shadows of pain, that flitted across the boy's face. What she didn't understand was why, after he so clearly lied to her - she was the queen of lies, did he expect her not to notice? - was how she stepped forward instinctively and reached up to try and brush her muzzle against his. Her smile had fallen into a soft, concerned frown. Some desire to comfort, to ease whatever he'd been through that shadowed his smile like that. "It's okay to not be okay," she said softly, and her own pain showed in her smile for a moment. She'd lost both her parents to a Goddess she'd loved and trusted her entire life, only to decide that her loyalty and faith to Her was more important, and had forgiven her. She'd lost her sister, been rejected - in a way only Thranduil could manage - by the first person she'd allowed herself to try and love after Tingal. But she'd gained a lot as well.

Until she realized that she'd just tried to touch him, and her face burned and she jerked away, some sort of deep half-dead embarrassment rising insidiously within her. "I-I'm sorry," she stuttered for the first time since foalhood, as embarrassed and abashed as he had been when he'd nearly called her beautiful. At least he switched the topic quickly enough, Alice preening and barking happily beneath the appraisal. Shaking her head to dispel that random bout of insecurity, she gazed over at her bonded with a fond smile. 

"I wandered a few seasons as an outcast after I left the Foothills, but I've been in the Basin ever since the wraiths were cured." Alice's tail thumped impatiently in the snow, staring at Hotaru with hell-black eyes. Hotaru snorted softly in amusement and turned her face back to Mesec. "This is Alice. I've had her a full cycle of seasons, and she's quite pushy," she joked, kicking snow at her companion. Alice gave an odd bark-laugh and went darting between her legs, purposefully knocking into her and offsetting her balance so that Hotaru laughed and nipped at her retreating tail. Rolling her eyes fondly she looked up at Mesec. "I'm surprised she didn't force me to introduce her any sooner. And yours? I saw him or her briefly. Off hunting?" That was what Alice was doing, at least, streaking out across the snow away from the pair of them. 

OOC thingies here