Kri</style> I am glad the humor rests on her face as I speak, even if my words were very serious in fact. The eager young mare speaks the words of beginning, and I give her a rough smile. "Begin," the word falls from my mouth, but my movement has already begun. I do not bother tucking my wings close. I found that the sky was an easy escape, and one that I appreciated more than any other defense I had learned. The sky was limitless, holding you to no rules. There was no greater freedom of movement or spirit than hovering comfortably in the air, which could be a surface for your body at any angle. The earth, while a beautiful retreat for aching wings, was much more confining. My feet prance up and down, waiting for the mare to rush upon me like a wave, anxious for the thrill of battle. Aryel was going to learn the true meaning of speed. While she was lithe and I dragged by my bulk at times, there was a swiftness that came with experience that was better than any natural advantage. Her sprint is typical, and my wings dart open, launching down at the ground to easily lift from front end from the earth as I swing to the right out of her way. I let my front hooves hit the dirt, using the momentum of my pivot to throw my back end into the sky. I bend my hooves and legs under, sending my ass soaring toward the right shoulder, leaving us facing roughly the same direction. Her from hooves scrape against my barrel, leaving skid marks and a patch of soreness, but nothing worthy of drawing blood. My back legs unfold, falling heavily upon the dirt. My legs jar slightly, but this does not stop me. I pull forth, swinging my wings behind me like a club for her face, hopefully with enough force to deter her teeth from trying to find purchase, my legs pushing upon the dirt and stone to send me running forward. My wings swing back down on the earth, with my forward momentum and the push from the chocolate wings, I lift from the ground. This was now an aerial battle. [ 1/3; WC: 394 ]

[ OOC commentary: You have good ideas, but your writing is rushed. I have this problem sometimes as well... my sentences can get wordy with too many actions going through at once. However, the one thing with fighting that you need to keep in mind is that your writing should not be rushed. Rushed writing misses the details that count for a judge, and if you are not specific enough, you will lose points. Take your time, read over your post. See if what your writing matches the image in your head. While you can see your actions very clearly, can others tell what you are trying to do?

The first mistake I noticed is that you did not mention which shoulder you aimed for. I took the liberty of saying you attacked the right side of Kri, but you yourself did not mention. The judge and your opponent need this orientation to visualize the fight. It is a small detail that is easily forgotten, but it is very important! Make sure you note which side you are attacking, what direction you are going. Describe your movement. You have to make it clear so that your opponent, but more importantly the judge, knows what you are trying to do. Being overly vague will lose points, and it often helps happens when you are rushed!

Your defense with "jumping back" is also vague. How is Aryel jumping back? Is she leaping with just her front hooves? Is she pivoting? I was very uncertain while reading, and so I think that the judge will be pretty confused as well. The lash with her front hooves is also awkward. Unless Kri and Aryel were very close, rubbing skin maybe, this attack would not be good. Unless Aryel is rearing, it's very very difficult for a horse to kick out with her front legs and remained balanced.

Still, your want to keep defense in mind with your attacks was impressive. That is a smart way to think, and I think it will pay off later. You really just need to work on your description of your movements. Make them as clear as possible, even if you think you are being overly thorough. It is better to have excess detail than to be too vague and lose your judge.

Lastly, I wanted to remind you that you get points for emotion. This post was very mechanical and did not hold a lot of personal thoughts or emotion for Aryel. It could have been any character portrayed in what you wrote. I have problems with emotion A LOT in fights. Even if you have to go back and add things to make it more personal to your character, do it. It will pay off.

Kri's post was pretty simple. She's antsy at first, keeping light on her feet. She throws her wings down to increase the speed of her pivot to dodge Aryel's ram/bite. Using the momentum of her pivot, she changes her weight like a seesaw, sort of bucking but keeping her legs folded and throwing her butt at Aryel's right shoulder. Once she lands, she begins running forward, throwing her right wing back toward Aryel's face. This is intended to have her launch into the air to move the spar to the air. ]