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03-26-2013, 11:15 PM
'What is that supposed to change?' From your perch you look at him with a sideways glance, emptiness and confusion and hurt layered pitifully on your marbled face. Rejection, anger, hurt - you feel these things in succession as they each meander through your veins, poison your thoughts that you had kept so clear; playing like a song that you don't know, have no control over what is next. What is that supposed to change? For a while, and a time, you can only look at him, suppressing the deep and painful throbbing——fighting to breathe, the heat of his skin suddenly searing——what is that supposed to change? You blink twice before turning your head wistfully, heaving a sigh too hard to hold in any longer. You don't know what you expected, even as tears well into your eyes and an unfamiliar hotness to your cheeks; not from him, from a boy you used to know and love and laugh with, sing with, dance with. Nothing had really changed, and yet, in this very moment, it becomes clear that nothing had stayed the same. And still: what is that supposed to change?. 'I . . . don't know.' It had grown, become something that you aren't sure of; and as he looks at you with those kaleidoscope eyes, you are terrified of the utter gravity of it. 'What is that supposed to change?' And so you pull away from him, run as you had always done before, pirouette on dancer's legs, inhaling sharply as a chill replaces the warmth, his warmth——something that you never wanted to lose in the first place. 'Not enough.' A sharpness, edged with the same blade he had used against you, you return to your resolute loneliness, the cocoon in which you had crafted for yourself - your protection, your sanctuary. 'And that leaves me to wonder, Sini,' You recall the old name, press it tightly to the latch of his throat, your eyes unwavering from his, a restless cold replacing that which is, was, always will be, your undoing: the man standing before you, the heart you do not, and never did, intend to let go for as long as he should breathe; for as long as he haunts you so. 'What is that supposed to change?' 'Why did you leave me in the first place?' * toooold you. |
