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04-05-2013, 12:19 AM
 A r y e l | d ' A r t a g n a n - - - - - By my verdict D'ARTAGNAN is the winner. d'Artagnan has been awarded one VP and can forcibly drive Aryel out of the Basin. ARYEL -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: trying to drag your wing down his side. It should, however, be noted that it ought to be his left side. If you're running head-on, and swerve right, your left side will be close to your opponent's left. Your right, their left. :] - 1| Borderline powerplay: ".. their barrels almost touching. (...) Her left wing opened enough to close the gap between them..." You cannot know that d'Artagnan is standing still. You cannot declare that you are almost close enough to touch, as that is essentially trying to rob d'Art of the ability to run off. + 1| Attack: bucking at him. - 2| Powerplay: "When their rumps were facing eachother." You cannot know that he is still there, or that he's not turning. Running past and saying "I swerve left and kick out where his hind end had been" would be totally fine, but again you are saying where d'Artagnan is, when that is not up to you. 0| This is just a note, about your "defensive running away" at the end. It is something I greatly discourage doing, as it assumes d'Artagnan does not retaliate when you are nearby. What if d'Artagnan bucks at you at the same time and your hocks get tangled/Aryel gets hurt? Suddenly you've then nixed this last portion of this post, creating a kind of time warp. I greatly recommend ending the post in the moment of attack, to leave your opponent the opportunity to counter, as well as create the most realistic and streamlined time scenario. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. D'ARTAGNAN -- post 1 [Realism] 0| Defense: running away from the wing. Solid defense, however, realistically, you'd run right to get away from it, and your left side would be injured as Aryel's movement would bring her on your left side. Not sure if you wrote left since she wrote attacking your right, though? I would've liked some mention of pain, or if the burn would affect/hinder you in any way. + 1| Defense: running away from the buck. + 1| Attack: magic. + 1| Attack: shoulder slam. + 1| Attack: bite to wing joint. 0| As d'Artagnan does a similar "defensive running away", I'd like to discourage you too from doing it. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. ARYEL -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: using the deflection amulet. + 1| Attack: deflection amulet. + 1| Attack: charging at him with her shoulder. + 1| Defense: some bruising. + 1| Defense: bite to wing joint. - 1| Attack: trying to snap at his throat. With the way you describe using your right shoulder to slam into his chest, I find it hard to see how you can spread your front legs on either side of him and snap directly at his throat, as you'd have to meet chest-to-chest and not shoulder-to-chest for that. Very clever to try to keep his horn away, though! [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. D'ARTAGNAN -- post 2 [Realism] - 1| Incorrect amulet use: a Moon amulet only copies an ability, meaning that it would not suck the poison out of d'Artagnan's body, merely store his own ability in the amulet for a later use. + 1| Defense: bruised shoulder. + 1| Defense: jumping aside to avoid the majority of the bite. + 1| Attack: trying to knock her over. + 1| Attack: bite towards her crest. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. ARYEL -- post 3 [Realism] - 1| Defense: locked in a rear. I don't know where this came from, as Aryel in the previous round only tried to rear with a leg on either side of him, making no mention of trying to grasp him, and it was voided anyway by d'Art moving sideways and presenting her with his shoulder. d'Art moved in an attempt to be perpendicular to her and just shove her around, unless I got it all wrong. + 1| Defense: held by the crest. + 1| Attack: trying to punch his legs/chest with her flaming hooves. I like how you mention she can't move as good as usual because of his hold on her. + 1| Attack: flaming wings forward. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. D'ARTAGNAN -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: time warp magic to remove the flames, rendering her wing attack mostly useless. + 1| Defense: backing away from her lunge but still hit. + 1| Attack: lunging for her wing. + 1| Attack: bucking at her. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. ARYEL -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Defense: having a few feathers torn out. + 1| Experience: using knowledge from the fight with Gaucho to predict his attack. + 1| Defense: backing from his buck, scrape to the cheek. + 1| Attack: diving at him. While the "being over him" part was a little like borderline powerplay wording, flight is generally faster than legs. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. D'ARTAGNAN -- post 4 [Realism] - 1| Defense: sidestepping to the left, and then taking injury on the left. I'd rather have thought you'd sidestepped to the right, especially as you attack her right side, which leads me to assume she'd have touched down on your left side. + 1| Attack: horn cut to the right side of her neck. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy read. ARYEL -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Defense: moving away so the cut isn't as bad. ARYEL [Bonus] + 2| Breed: you were aware of height differences, wings vs. horns, physical size. + 1| Surroundings: you mentioned the snow a bit, but nothing about footing. [Injuries] 0| Nothing of note. [Creativity] 0| Nothing of note. Comments: Well done! Nothing stood out in particular as "oh, Fennec should work on that", as for the most part you fought well and what misses you had were more of the here-and-there type that just happens. In the first post you had a few issues with how you worded it, but that did not really come back in the fight. Try to think about left and right in your posts, and I often use my hands to visualize how the horses interact, and on which side of each other. Otherwise I think you did a great job, you have a very nice emotional presence that I really enjoyed, and you seem to have a generally good grasp on how to move in a fight. DEFENDER [Bonus] + 2| Breed: you were aware of your own size versus hers, and I just loved how aware you were of d'Art's not-perfect-maneuverability in close quarters + 2| Surroundings: you mentioned the patches of ice, some snow, the uneven ground, and that it affected your footing at times too. [Injuries] 0| Nothing of note. [Creativity] 0| Nothing of note. Comments: Good job! Once or twice you did things about left and right that seemed a bit questionable to me, but on the whole I was never confused as to where you were and what you were doing. You've got a nice grasp on d'Artagnan's body, and what his strong/weak points are. However, remember to read the rules about amulets carefully, as a Moon amulet cannot deflect/absorb an attack the way Spark and Earth amulets do. d'Artagnan would still be hit, though the amulet could be activated to copy the ability for a later use. I loved the emotional presence, d'Artagnan is always a pleasure to read! TOTAL Aryel - 75 d'Artagnan - 77  |
