As strong as the seas are stormy.</style>
Fool, she wants to howl. You fool! Leave, before I can hurt you further! Her own heart is breaking to see the poorly hidden disappointment and hurt in eyes too gentle to be gazing upon a form as harsh and rigid as hers. She wants to lower the piercing dagger upon her brow, herd and jostle him away from her, not because she hates him but because she loves him. She isn't sure it's in the way he desires, she just wants him safe. She can't keep him safe when she's the danger in his life. Hotaru had hurt so many, been hurt in return just as corrosively, but she tried her best to keep from spreading the sickness in her soul to the kindly man mere breaths from her brow.
Insisting upon praising her he smiles kindly and confesses that he knows how much she has changed, but there is still a willingness to follow her into hell should she speak the word. Why would Tingal still love her, if he really knew of the changes inside her? It was almost a definite, then, that he did not recognize the true changes, that he only saw the minor inflections of them. Hotaru wondered which was kinder, to lie to him or to let him live in delusion until he abruptly wakened from his daydream. He bids her to let her tears run free in pitiful rivers down her cheeks, but she does not give in to his quiet plead. She is strong, she is proud, and she will not shed those salted crystals so long as she still has the will to keep them in.
"They are useless, and they can stay where they are meant to be,"
It is murmured from her lips, strong and defiant, yet soft. A half-wilted rose. He presses closer, and she hesitantly takes a step back. If Raeden were here, surely she would know what to do, how to react. Hell, if her twin were there she'd be at least able to explain what the hybrid's intentions were. Hotaru, admittedly, was like a brick wall when it came to romantic inclinations. Maybe being around her mother and twin sister had numbed her to it. Wouldn't the be the most ironic thing? Karma must be laughing her ass off right now, as the pink princess tried to stumble her way through this encounter confusedly. Quiet, still, she accepts the soft muzzle to her cheek without protest, staring up at him with dichromatic eyes that are too crowded with her own thoughts to be read. Even she doesn't know what's going on in her head right now.
Weaving words around her, he is chaining her in velvet ropes, and Hotaru has never been one to be held down. She is a free spirit, a flare of sapphire flame in a pitch black arena of blood, the screech of an eagle before battle, the furious wind that tugs at the manes of thrill seekers. Independent. What Tingal is proposing...she is so young, her mind croons, desperate to make him understand. Has she even seen the world, outside of what Tingal has shown her, what they have found together? Was it normal to meet one person you got along with decently, who shared a few of your passions, and to settle down with them without ever exploring other options?
Idly she touches the side of her muzzle to his cheek in return, only for him to pull away and stare down at her, silent for a few moments as she stands chilled upon the beach they destroyed together. All at once, as he ends his sentence, her mind screeches to a halt like a phoenix was just stepped on. Her eyes are blown wide like full moons, and she is just...staring. Did he...no fucking way. He wanted a kid?! With her?! But then she glances around, and suddenly her eyes harden, and she knows what she must say, because her heart screams it immediately before her mind can panic.
"I will not endanger any of my children by making them be born into the life that I was. The Wilds are no place for newborns. Regardless of my answer, that is my decision. You may ask again when there is a celestial Patron who will guard such a precious life, if you wish. For now, I give no answer."
Harm is not intended in how she speaks it, but the fire in her eyes is for that of a child unborn, one she wasn't even ready for. Somewhere inside maybe she was meant to be a mother, for the flame burns bright, demanding she not give in, that her beloved babies are assured a safe home, protection. All the things she had never been given. Turning abruptly she begins to stride on long, lithe limbs across the sand. Tingal was allowed to follow her, but she would not be faced down and intimidated, cornered into an answer, even if he did not intend it that way.
Freedom is still mine, for today.
And what a horrible thing to think, that was.
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