TORLEIK
Realism [+2]

• Borderline power play: throwing it even more to the right so as to intersect his attacker in as perpendicular a motion as he could manage. This is written very declaratively. -- Post 1
  
• Dropped attack: No mention of Ulrik's bite. Just for your information, I see that in your comments you noted that you didn't address is, as Torleik's motion might alter Ulrik's attack. This is why all attacks are written as 'attempting to' (or some such variation), so that if something is written than alters them, they can compensate later. However, were Tamme to 'change' her attack, she would be penalized for power play, for 'going back in time' as it were, and re-writing an attack. -- Post 1
  
• Powerplay: ... sending the Engineer’s own contraption hurtling off Torleik’s body without finding anchoring purchase for his jaw. You cannot say what happens to Ulrik's machine, any more than you can say what happens to Ulrik or his companion.
  
• Dropped Attack: You don't clearly state what becomes of Ulrik's attack. You say that Torleik bucks towards him, but there's no mention of what Ulrik is doing, other than that he could have perhaps attacked Torleik in a more painful way. -- Post 2

Emotion [+2]
Really great emotion throughout!

Prose [+3]
-1 Going over the word count in attack post 1. We have word limit restrictions for a reason. I would say almost all of us at some point, need to cut out a few words here or there to make the word count. Because you knowingly did not, this has to be a deduction. There were also a few of your sentences that were worded very awkwardly for me - I believe you major in english, so I very much doubt that they were grammatically incorrect, but they still felt very awkward on a first read.


Readability [+1]
I had two main concerns with the readability, and I think that largely stems from your inexperience with battling. The first concern, is with the timeline: In your second post, you were still responding to things that had happened much earlier in the time line. That made things difficult to read, because Ulrik's post ended, and Torleik's reply started two steps back, as it were. It really threw things off for me, because I lost the intensity of Torleik's actions, since the flow was moved backwards in time, and then brought forwards again. My second problem, had to do with your attacks. Often, you would explain that Torleik did something - a dodge or a kick - but not explicitly state how this would affect Ulrik's attack. Because it is YOU who decides if an attack hits or misses, it's crucial that you do in fact state the outcome. For example, this was really awkwardly written for me: His left hind leg practically useless now, Torleik put as much of his weight as he could on his right. An angry roar erupted from his throat and then he began to ram, tilting his head to the side. With the higher horn, he intended to hit somewhere along Ulrik's spine. You never actually say what Torleik is doing here - only that he shifts his weight and begins to 'ram'. Does that mean lunge forward? Rear?

Final Comments: Really great ! I loved reading Torleik in this spar. You are a really fantastic writer, and I think you connect with the character you've created very well. Since it sounds like you are newer to the 'sparring' system, I wanted to say what a great job you did. As a whole, your part of the battle was well done.I do think that there might be a few areas of opportunity for you to improve on, such as declarative writing, and responding (and describing) whether an attack hits or misses. Because your opponent's job is to accurately respond to what you have written, you need to ensure that you clearly state what becomes of their attacks.

Finally tally: 13.5 + 8 = 21.5


ULRIK
Realism [+3]

• Powerplay: ...the engineer wielded his horn like a sword, leaping forward and lunging into Torleik

Really great job otherwise! I always check to see what damage was rolled, and what the number was in relation to past rolls/injuries sustained during the fight. You did a wonderful job of consistently writing believable injuries based on the roll!

Emotion [+2]
Really great throughout! Especially the dynamic between Ulrik and Kirchoff!


Prose [+3]
Some Typo's.
YES. THIS. "think you have an admirer," he heard his stupid, beastly horse say in his head. Kirchoff liked the stallion well enough, but Ulrik was mentally handicapped

Readability [+3]
No comments. Very clear and visual writing.


Final Comments: Your spars are always wonderfully clear to read. I always chuckle when Ulrik is funny, because he's so dry and mechanical most of the time. The dynamic that you created between him and his companion was phenomenal - I can't say that I've enjoyed reading bonded/companion interactions quite as much as I enjoyed this one. Great spar!

Finally tally: 11.5 + 11 = 22.5