OXY
Realism [+2]
I really enjoy how good you are about bringing up your injuries in each post, including how they slow you or cause you to limp! You take damage well, but your attack deliveries at times were confusing. Using more specifics to describe what side you are attacking, how you’re facing your opponent (perpendicular, parallel etc) would all help clear up that confusion. Be careful too with attacking too far back in a post - at one point you went to attack Arlo when he was on the ground, but that was an early part, and a quick part, in Arlo’s post and was before he’d begun attacking you, so then he had to backtrack to answer that attack in his next post which kinda throws the timeline. Counter attacking when you are being attacked, especially towards a post’s end, works out better, which you did when Arlo and Oxy got very close with all the rearing and biting near the last posts. Don’t forget you have a very tall horse too, you towered over Arlo and never really used it to your advantage with evasions. You have good scenery description though I liked how often you mentioned and used your costume.


Emotion [+2]
Oxy’s posts always make me laugh and you have creative ways of motivating him! However I feel it’s still just a surface emotion and I don’t get deep enough to really feel connected with Oxy. In the very end I did get that a lot more with your last post and how he’s considering if his hallucinations are a reflection about how much he hates himself, but sadly I can only count realism in your last post!


Prose [+3]
Overall your posts flow and are written clearly and correctly, although your style can be hard to adjust to at first with constantly referring to ‘you’, and I did find one typo.


Readability [+2]
Easy to read for the most part aside from some confusions with the attacks and such.


Finally tally: 8.5+9= 17.5 HP


ARLO
Realism [+1]
I think you have good potential to become a great fighter because you have the general concepts of the fighting as far as flow, timing, the amount and location of injuries to take and etc. However at times you would forget to respond to your opponent’s attack (even if it misses entirely you need to mention it!), such as Oxy’s biting in the first post and his grabbing of your hood to throw you off balance in the third post (you mention him grabbing it but no mention of your balance). You also sometimes describe attacks in positions that don’t fit the realism, for instance in your last post you had Arlo buck at Oxy’s head, then spin around and try to ram his rib cage. If you spun around you’d just be facing Oxy’s head again, so you’d need to describe better how you go around Oxy to get to his side. Similarly rearing up to hit the face of a horse much taller than you isn’t very plausible, especially a unicorn which can be a deadly choice. Realism is really all about the wording. Taking the time to paint the clearest picture possible for the judge and your opponent can make a big difference in how it’s all perceived.


Emotion [+1]
I liked you constantly bringing up Arlo’s desire to kill Oxy, but I wanted to see a bit more emotion, as I never felt like I was really in Arlo’s mind, seeing and feeling what he was. You describe his pain and his desires, but I never felt that agony, that urge. Why does he want to kill Oxy so much? How does being injured make him hate Oxy more?


Prose [+3]
This was definitely a new style to get accustomed to with always referring to ‘we’, but your writing was all still very good and you had some great quotes at times. I did see you use ‘myself’ instead of ‘ourself’ once.


Readability [+2]
Pretty easy to read all throughout except for some confusions with the attacks and defenses at times.


Finally tally: 24+7= 31 HP