CONFUTATIS
Realism [+2]
Keep in mind that a shallow cut along the stomach would probably not bleed quite profusely enough to “splatter” along the ground. I loved the description of her being hit in the head. As for attacks, there was at least one place where I felt that Confutatis would not have recovered quite as quickly as you suggested. For example, in your second attack post, you say, “Even despite her imminent unbalance, she kicks up at his face as her teeth seek out the fragile bones of his hind leg joint closest to her.” I didn’t feel that this was the most realistic course of action if she were truly so imbalanced, so just keep timing in mind! I would really like to see more about her armor mentioned and how it helps her.

Emotion [+2]
The first attack post has this one paragraph that I love – the third paragraph, where Confutatis is going on and on about how she wants to kill Apollo. The way it’s done makes me feel like I’m in her head – like her thoughts are just jumping around, and she’s so eager, and that’s all she wants. It’s all-consuming. Later, there is something so powerful about this: “I am on fire. Confutatis thinks numbly to herself…” She had been so sure of herself throughout the fight, and this one line shows the slightest chink in the armor, the slightest doubt in herself, and everything after that is just so beautifully sad. I loved this transition. And that last part of that last post – where she is so hurt and thinks she’s dying – that was really wonderful in terms of emotion.

Prose [+3]
The way you write Confutatis really shows just how mad she is. You might have had a few small grammatical or spelling issues, but they really didn’t detract from the overall posts. I felt that you represented Confutatis and stayed very true to her character, even working in a bit of weakness and doubt which, to me, shows a lot of maturity in your writing.

Readability [+2]
For the most part easy to read, though there were a few sections where I had to go back and read it through again. Mostly these were technical sections, where you were actually describing the fight scene. I found myself riveted by Confutatis’s memories and emotions, but I found the action portions to have a bit less hold on me.


Finally tally: 10 HP


APOLLO
Realism [+3]
Taking into account the size and build of Confutatis is excellent in the first attack post, however I would love to see more of what he plans to do about it rather than simple acknowledgment. I felt that the damage taken was realistic throughout the fight, and you did an excellent job of carrying through injuries. Your attacks were generally realistic as well.

Emotion [+2]
I love the unexpected melancholy that I get in your first attack post. Apollo clearly pities Confutatis for all that she can’t comprehend, and I really love that in this sort of climactic, intense moment, Apollo is still true to who he is. All throughout this fight, I love how conflicted Apollo is and how determined he is in spite of it.

Prose [+3]
Although several times I found myself wondering if Apollo would really have taken as much damage as you described, I felt like it was realistic for him to react as you described. After all, as he continually reminds us, he isn’t a warrior! I love how true to his character you stay throughout this, and the style of your writing shows him off perfectly. There were a few small spelling/grammar mistakes, but it didn’t really detract from the writing. There are several really lovely prose pieces mixed in here, like wondering what Confutatis would do to his herd if she were to win, talking about the sobbing Heavens and creating that metaphor, etc.

Readability [+2]
Generally very easy to read, very straightforward. There was just one section that really confused me, when Apollo was knocked down “under” Confutatis at the end. I really felt that that could have been written much more clearly, because as I read it, it seemed like Apollo should have been trampled.

Finally tally: 16.5 HP