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12-19-2013, 11:27 PM
By my verdict: MIDAS is the winner!
AFRICA
Realism [4.5]
For your first spar, this was great. I really loved how Africa responded very realistically to Midas' attacks (and her critical miss...:| ) Usually during a first spar, the gut reaction is to dodge everything, or drop attacks. I am thoroughly impressed with how you wrote this spar!
Emotion [+2]
AMAZBALLS. Everything I read seemed bang-on with what I would expect from Africa.
Prose [+4]
A few spelling mistakes such as skilful buck-like manoeuvrer ... But nothing too bad.
Readability [+3]
I LOVED how you wrote Africa here. Lines like this, His snapping teeth grazed the left-behind-leg as she inelegantly flung herself left and away from his lowered face, bruising the unpadded bone there easily. The tender-hearted mare held her breath; his skill far outweighed her ability to predict his technique. - awesome.
And this! It was an ambitious move, flinging herself beneath a rearing opponent, flawed in countless ways although her uneducated mind could not quite quickly enough fathom the repercussions to follow. With her thoughts still a haze of broiling pain and confused determination, Africa completely miscalculated her attack.
Finally tally: 14.5 + 13.5 = 28
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MIDAS
Realism [+4]
No issues! This was a great spar, and I was happy to see you both incorporate opening dialogue, as well as really emphasize the location/setting/weather.
Emotion [+1.5]
Oh fatherly Midas...I really got the sense that he truly felt he was doing Africa a favour by sparring with her, rather than letting her learn these lessons in the real world.
Prose [ +5]
A few spelling mistakes: ...The sliver girl ... Africa was learned in this lesson, etc.
Readability [ +3]
No issues!
Finally tally: 36.5 + 13.5 = 50
