OXY
Realism [+4]

I'm really glad Oxy took into account that Colt's initial 'bullet' would have hit his bag as well - though I would have liked to have seen that emotion carried through a little more, but only because he's so hilarious. I think Oxy did a good job of being realistic here - especially since he was drugged, but why didn't he just run away? He acknowledges that he thinks Colt is trying to kill him but...what's the motivation for sticking around and continuing to take a beating?

Emotion [+1.5]
Emotion is hard, because Oxy being stoned sort of...tones down what he might be thinking. Or at least, his thoughts sort of revolve around WHAT IS HAPPENING, and WHERE ARE MY DRUGS. That's why I mentioned I would have liked to see his anger at his bag being torn carried through, because it's an emotion and motivation you could have played with a little more.


Prose [+4]

HILARIOUS. Oxy is hilarious, that's all there is to it. You write him really wonderfully. I laugh everytime; Too bad you're an idiot. xD

No issues. Your writing style works really well for Oxy I think. The first time I read it, it took some getting used to, but now I can't imagine him written any other way. I think you do a really good job of balancing his stoned-thoughts, and describing what's actually happening.

Readability [+3]

No issues. Great!

Finally tally: 7 + 12.5 = 19.5HP
Comments: Spars are hard, because while we have OOC reasons for doing them, we don't always have IC reasons, and they can read a little artificial sometimes. I would try to bring in other areas of Oxy's life as justification, to make him seem a little more realistic. Like, if he wants to pseudo lead the Asylum, how will that look if he gets beat up by a girl? What if some of them are watching? Something like that, that gives credibility to his reasons for fighting Colt.



COLT
Realism [+5]
You write Colt (and everyone else) with incredible realism. You take into account what it feels like when their attack misses, the involuntary as well as voluntary motions, and just general 'horse' things, that other people often forget. In terms of damage received, I think you gauged things really well.


Emotion [+2]

Awww. Poor little Colt has daddy issues. :P Your last couple of posts were really great - especially when things started going sour for her. I could really understand where she was coming from, and the anxiety she was feeling.


Prose [+5]

You write Colt really well; I especially like the gun imagery/vocabulary. It really adds to her overall persona. Not to mention that your knowledge of equine anatomy/movements really make your posts easy to read and understand.


Readability [+2.5]

A few grammar issues, but nothing major.

Finally tally: 23.5 + 14.5 = 38HP