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SEELE
Realism [+1.5]
:: Your first paragraph in your second post was backing up in time just a little too far for me, since you're describing for a second time why Seele decided to veer to the right instead of attack head on. It's alright to describe the attack hitting, but I felt a little like you were reworking what had already happened.
:: “The laugh is continuing, and I'm turning around on haunches to face the direction the mare was going to be arriving from.” You can't say which direction she is coming from, only which direction you think she's coming from.
:: “I'm laughing as I start to move forward, my soul grasping onto her wiggling one and carefully plucking it from it's vessel.” Even with magic you can't say for certain it will hit your enemy. Powerplay.
:: I don't think you took enough damage for the dice role in the second post. Ghost rolled a 4 but you only took a bruise. Since a 6 is akin to critical hit type damage, I think there needed to be some stronger damage taken.


Emotion [+0]
:: I never really felt particularly drawn into Seele's character. She has these interactions with her voices, but they felt very superficial to me and I never really know what Seele feels about them. Does she like them? Are they annoying her? Are they just part of daily life that she has gotten used to?
:: I also would have liked to see more about her motivation for sparing with one of her herd mates. You gave me a little in the very beginning, but again it seemed very superficial and rushed.


Prose [+3.5]
:: “You had logical as a young one.”
:: I didn't really notice any other mistakes but since you had words left over for both posts, I would have liked a little more.


Readability [+1.5]
:: You switched tenses halfway through the first post from past to present tense. This ended up being confusing to me by the second post and I had to go back and read your first post for a minute to see where exactly you switched.

Finally tally: 20+6.5= 26.5HP


GHOST
Realism [+2]
:: In Ghost's first attack series, I think that more consideration could have been given to the fact that Ghost's wings were really likely to hit Seele somewhere and potentially throw Ghost off balance.
:: I also think the damage Ghost took in the first post could have been described a little more. I think that you took an appropriate amount of damage, but it was a little difficult to tell. You said that she was wincing every time she stepped, but she still seemed to have an easy time cantering and taking flight. Even if the wound was a little lower, I think that wing muscles pulling at the skin would cause additional bleeding or pain. Go ahead and describe that for me!
:: Again in the second post, I think that more consideration needs to be given to the length of Ghost's wings compared to where Seele would be.
:: I also would have liked to see more damage in the second post. Although Seele's magic took up quite a bit of space in your post, it doesn't really do any physical damage and I didn't feel like you really took any more damage in this post than the previous, when it should have been a little more.
:: “Aiming for the left this time, Ghost flashed her hooves towards the upper back or shoulder area of her opponent,” Not necessarily powerplay, but for the sake of caution I would have liked to see you say 'trying to aim for the left,' or something similar. I understood your intent, but clarity is always better than ambiguity.


Emotion [+1]
:: In your first post you start to describe Ghost's surprise when Seele swerves, but you sort of state it and then let it go. I would have liked to see some more time spent on that emotion, as surprise is often very strong and gives a lot of good material to work with.
:: I love imagery you offer when describing Ghost's soul being taken and I really felt connected with her confusion and blankness. More of this, please!


Prose [+3]
:: “rear leg kick for the right side Seele's rump.”
:: Saw a couple grammatical errors here and there throughout the posts, but nothing overwhelming or particularly distracting.


Readability [+2]
:: I had to reread once or twice, just a sentence or two, to figure out Ghost's exact position, but nothing too drastic.

Finally tally: 24+8= 32HP