I don’t think I’ve ever swung my ass around that fast before. I had good reason though; this voice, as ratchet and gross as the mouth that spewed it, came at me with the force of a gritty cannonball demanding just what the fuck I was. I mean, I was already immediately pissed—I didn’t like no one hittin’ up on my peaceful hours, them shits are hard to come by for me—but then I swung around, and saw the actual bastard who decided to stomp all over my moment, and I got even more mad than I already was, and I was huffing.

“And what the fuck are you?” I belted back at him, snapping my neck as though an irritating fly were zipping around my ears. Which, I guess, wasn’t far from truth. Granted, he was much larger than a fly—I mean, waaaay larger. He was this hulking motherfucker with a stale scent, like he was always running a marathon, sweating and sweating and never bathing and sweating some more until he was just a rolling ball of funk. I visibly scrunched my nose at him, letting him see my pissy eyes and letting him know exactly how much I wanted him to skive off. As I watched him though, I saw a pale shadow coming closer, and my stare snapped toward it because, I dunno, I guess some part of my subconscious expected to see Jiji come out of the woods where I had left her. I didn’t want her roll up on this situation; the bastard looked dumb with his foggy eyes ‘n stuff, but he buzzed almost as irately as I did, and I didn’t want nothing to go down while she was around.

BUT ALAS it wasn’t Jiji, and I don’t know why I thought it was. It was just another huge mofo, maybe a little smaller in the chest than bozo over here but just as tall and pale as the first was dark. I wondered if they were planning on tag-teaming my ass, but whitey didn’t have that same nervous, sparking frustration that the other one had; his gait was a little too languid, his eyes a little too unfocused to be looking for trouble. “Hey, Teeny!” I called out to him, looking passed the twitchy giant to the light bro making his way towards us, “Take Tiny and bounce, he’s a nuisance.” Two huge bros on a secluded beach being affiliated with each other in some way on the basis of them being two huge bros on a secluded beach? Yeah, my logic was flawless.

This was one of those times where I mentally screamed at the heavens. The fuck, Dad. You guys have a way of creating really messed up horses, and I was still waiting on the pat on my head and the assurance “You don’t have to worry about the idiots. Just…the other ones, the cool ones.” But somehow I knew that wasn’t the correct way to think, especially if you…were responsible for so much. But I thought that way anyway. Fuck it. These people are dumb.




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