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Satanic Silk
Realism [-1]
:: It seemed to me that Midas was specifically trying to be deceptive in his first attack, but Silk seemed to know exactly what was coming. I definitely think there should have been some factor of surprise here- and it would have been a really great chance for you to provide some emotion.
:: I don't think the damage taken in the first post was entirely appropriate. The level of damaged seemed a little too low for the roll, and horse's teeth don't usually cause bleeding. They're more blunted and are quicker to cause bruising.
:: Dropped attack- I didn't see any mention of Midas' attempt to kick at Silk with his half-rear in the first post.
:: Adrenaline coursed through his body, the hormones helping him push past pain and focus on the current matters. Be cautious when using adrenaline as an excuse for pushing past pain, there are much better explanations for ignoring pain- many of them mental. This would have been another great place to include some emotion.
:: Powerplay- and used one large wing to swoop down, catching the sand below the two brutes, and tossed it up in King's face. You can only try to toss it up in the king's face, especially since Midas should have more-or-less been facing away from Silk at this point.
:: Blood filling his mouth, staining those ivories a ruby red. There was no mention of bleeding in Midas' post that I found, simply that the bite had made contact and it was painful.
:: ...the king's hooves slammed into Silk's chest, and he found himself winded, gasping for air as he staggered back. The ribs weren't broken, but his chest was bruised ... This left me really confused about where Midas actually hit. From what I understood of their positioning, Midas should have hit Silk in the front of his body, between the two forelimbs, but there aren't any ribs there, so then I was thinking Midas hit him in the side, just behind one of the forelimbs, but that didn't make sense to me based on how they were lined up. Just make sure to be clear, one or two more words could have really cleared this up for me!


Emotion [-2]
:: I really never got a sense of emotion from Silk. There was one moment, in your last post, where you started to give me something, but most of the fight was very technical and all of your posts were very short. You have 800 words, make sure to use them to the max! Even if you don't make it to the full 800, you definitely had a lot more room to explain why Silk was fighting, how he was feeling, what was driving him to continue even though he was obviously losing, etc.


Prose [+3]
:: Silk did not have as much experience battle as he pretended. Missing 'in'
:: Both of Midas's had hit now. Missing 'attacks'
:: There was one instance of switching tenses between paragraphs in your first fight, but otherwise you remained consistent throughout.
:: Minor grammar mistakes throughout, but nothing too troubling to read.


Readability [+2]
:: There were a couple times I had to go back and re-read what you had written in the context of the fight, to confirm what was going on, but most of the fight was very readable.

Finally tally: 7 + 2 = 9HP

:: You have a good foundation for fighting but there are two things I would really encourage you to work on. The first is your realism score. You had a lot of good points during the fight, but a lot of mistakes really damaged your score. Make sure you're reading what your opponent writes and responding to every aspect of their post. Then, make sure you read your post several times through to make sure everything is clear and makes sense within the context of the fight. You may also consider reading through a few other fights where fights got high realism score, to help give some context on how much damage to take based on what number was rolled on the dice. The second thing I'd highly encourage you to do is work on infusing more emotion into your posts using the suggestions I gave above. Again, look at fights that got good emotion scores and read the posts if you need help understanding what sort of things we're looking for.


Midas
Realism [+4.5]
:: All of Midas' actions made strategic sense to me, more-or-less. I think, in the last post, there was some minor discrepancies between what he was thinking and what he was doing. He wanted to fight more, but he was flying away from a very injured opponent. In addition, I think that Midas probably would have needed several steps to even begin flying, instead of just taking off from a relative stand still, but overall I think that you did very well in realism. You did a great job translating damage rolls to actual damage.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: Eventually, if you close your eyes real tight and thrash around like a bumbling giant; you’ll hit something! Great! Very funny!
:: I love following Midas' thoughts throughout the thread in relation to what was going on. I enjoyed his simple, steady mind in battle and what I saw shows that you know him very well.


Prose [+4.5]
:: ...as I pull my body into a kick powerful kick that sends up a swath of sand One too many 'kick's!
:: I saw one or two other minor, minor grammar mistakes, but overall everything was incredibly clear and consistent. A very easy read, thank you!


Readability [+2.5]
:: ...almost searing warm was right before healthy ivories locked onto my right cheek. Maybe say butt cheek next time; this caused me a little bit of confusion and I had to flip back and forth between posts a couple times until I figured out what you meant.
:: Again, this was the only instance of confusion, everything looked great.

Finally tally: 42+13= 55HP

:: My comments have been sparse because there is really very little to work on. It's obvious you know Midas well and that he's very seasoned in battle. Most of the mistakes I found were very minor and removal of any of them would have led to full marks in most of the categories. The only thing I really thought could have helped improve the battle was working a little more emotion into Midas' posts. For instance, when he made the mistake of looking back and getting sand in his eyes, I think there could have been a little more going on there, but overall a very good fight. Thank you!