Days lengthen with shadows that chase the heels of young babes, frost covers the lips of every mournful exhale, remember the brighter days of summer. Helovia isn't ready to give up the light of day they'd had taken from them for so long. It still seemed too soon. Lakota was unbothered by the darkness that crept like silent predators through the shadows. It was where she belonged, where she thrived, and it was comforting to her to be able to use the excuse of dwindling daylight hours instead of reminding herself that she was sought out only to heal her foolish children of the hills. She loved her little outcasts, but they didn't seem to return the sentiment. Her mood had improved drastically since meeting with Ktulu and Alleo, but it did nothing to change the fact that she was overlooked at all times aside from when her members needed her for a skinned knee or broken bone.

Aodaun was flopped over her spine, and he pulled at her hair gently to break her from her thoughts. Lakota gave a little giggle at him, violet buds turning to gaze at him lovingly. He really was too big for this, but she'd carried him as such since he was but a helpless babe with too-big paws and huge lime green eyes. Heavy as he was, Lakota liked to do this every once in a while. It reminded her of how things used to be. She still wasn't sure if things had improved or degraded since then, but she supposed she was still figuring it out. After all, her sister had disappeared into thin air for the third time, she'd realized how unwanted she was in her own herd when she gave her everything in return to them, and she'd lost Archibald, Circe, and Ktulu. But she'd also grown closer to Alleo, even if it seemed impossible. She had fallen in love the right way, a second time, and Ktulu had come back to her side in a twist of fate she still believed she didn't deserve. But remembering how those rubies had warmed upon seeing her, how Ktulu had held her so possessively, as if she feared Lakota would be stolen away the moment she let go...the memory of the other mare's touch on her skin, the way 'I love you' sounded in her voice...regardless of whether she thought she deserved it, Lakota would never wish it away.

Aodaun seemed far more pleased with this train of thought, but his nose and ears picked up what Lakota could not. Words, and a familiar scent of cinnamon and brown sugar. Phaedra he urged inside her head, and she quirked a brow at his lingering thought that she had a significant smell in his head. She does not, she huffed playfully, she smells like snow and wildflowers. Aodaun was teasingly insulted, having hailed from snowy lands, and shook his head awkwardly against the sapphire portion of her coat. No! Not snow! Snow no smell! Lakota laughed, but didn't give him a response, instead turning to where he mentally directed her and threading through the trees to find her annoyingly endearing little sister.

The words she hears, however, stop her dead.

She stands there, eyes sad, remembering how cruelly she'd treated Phaedra when around Locket. It was wrong of her to take it out on Phaedra, her bitterness. Seeing Phaedra bat her eyes at Locket, remembering how Locket had treated her so sweetly...her heart had hurt. Phaedra had taken Apollo, and Locket...both whom Lakota had tentatively started to have feelings for. Having run into the two of them right after the conflicting fight and makeup between herself and Ktulu...she'd felt sick to her stomach, ugly and useless in the face of someone so perfect and beautiful. It still made her stomach twist, even now, listening to what Phaedra was saying so honestly to her companion.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to summon her courage, and stepped out of the shadows of the trees to confront her Chieftess. It felt wrong to call her such, when it had been her beloved's title for so long, and knowing Phaedra was more of a sister to her than a ruler. It wasn't a confession she was meant to hear, but she felt maybe it was best that she had.

"I have burdened you with my feelings, little sister." The title rolls comfortably off her tongue, but there is a sadness in her violet eyes. She has hardly spoken to Phaedra in many seasons. Did the golden beauty even consider her the same? "I don't know if your worries have to do with how I treated you...but I was wrong to do so. I'm just a broken healer, sister. Seeing you and Locket...it merely reminded me that I am not so beautiful as you. It makes me wonder why the one I love returns my feelings in any way. After all, you have wooed all of the souls I have ever loved," she manages a weak, broken smile. It was a blunt confession, and possibly dangerous, since Phaedra might be able to figure out her objects of affection with her words.

"You are a fine spy, Phaedra. You always have been. You protected us from Tio, told us about the Assassins, stole away those we desperately needed and defended us from others who tried to emulate you. You are a wonderful mare, and...and I am sorry for how I acted. Perhaps I am jealous, in my loneliness and doubt of my beloved. I...I envy you, for the crown you wear, while I am overlooked and only sought out when I am needed, only to be cast away. I was never meant to be a Healer, I only became one because-" she cut herself off, sounding a little choked. I only became a Healer because Ktulu asked me to.

Clearing her throat, she felt Aodaun shift on her spine, and used the distraction to turn her suddenly burning eyes away from Phaedra's perfect vision. Lakota could never amount to that. "Forgive me, little sister. I have wronged you." She whispers it, eyes downcast, burning with a need to dissolve into tears. Knowing she had these jealousies inside was one thing. Admitting them, and her weaknesses, aloud was another thing entirely.