I suppose, had I been paying complete attention, I would have noticed the fact that Alleo had slowed down to a halt while I had continued to speed up. But, I didn't recognize it, and I didn't even gather the feeling that he was watching me. Some might have relished in the attention, and while I didn't necessarily despise it I also wasn't one who preferred to be gazed upon all the time. Physical interactions were generally short, for fear that a reaction might be violent and I had relied heavily upon my words in the years of my life.

It was a change now, to be forced to live with physical interactions. Deep inside me my heart was twisting and spinning trying to deal with the fear of a snap coming back at me for doing something wrong. But I'd lived long enough to know how to put on a front for that of society to think that I was fine. So, that wall was erected and I was trying to go about my own way. Besides, I had Alleo now, to assist in my protection as Apodis had said he would. At least... until Apodis had left. It was with the shake of my head with that thought that I shook the vibrations from my sight and concentrated purely on the images before me. And that mistake was what had me stumbling down into a heap at the bottom of teared rocks.

I should really start to figure out this depth perception thing... I grumbled to myself, snorting some of my flickering hair out of the way of my eyes as I lifted my head to peer up to where Alleo had been but moments prior. Alas, the sound of hooves had not been my own clicking against the rocks as I rolled down about a foot, it had been Alleo springing back toward my side. My name rings in my ears from the echos around the walls, and as I peer around for him I feel his maw pressed against my cheek. Delicately, I close my eyes and allow my head to bob to let him know that I was fine as I feel him begin to inspect the rest of my frame for broken bones. There are a few winces as he runs his maw across my scarred back and against my haunches from the rocks slamming into them, but no audible snort or gasp is emitted from my maw. Was anything hurt? No. I shake my head. I'll probably be bruised later, but he doesn't need to worry. I'm used to it. My body can handle it. This is much less severe than the beatings that my frame had taken over the years. I'm not worried, but the creasing lines in his face make me certain that he is. For what reason, I'm not sure. But it is definitely there that he is worried.

Mentally, I shrug off the creeping warmth that tries to cling to my heart and spread throughout me at the thought that he cares. I can't allow myself to accept that. I have no proof that he won't leave in a heartbeat given the right conditions. Such things had been proven to me times before and I couldn't allow myself to fully attach to something that could slip from my grasp like hair from between clenched teeth.

So, slowly, I wobble my way back onto my feet. I'm careful, trying to ensure that I don't knock my back in a way that would be detrimental to its sensitive state, but it only makes the process of standing that much more awkward. As I move I can feel a pull with each sway of my vertebrae and I can't help but to be inwardly concerned that I might have actually done something to it. It is only a few steps that I move to ensure that I don't get onto the rocky slope again, and then I am peering up at the drawings around us upon the cave walls.

It is one of a hawk that catches my eye, one that sends a tremor throughout my frame as I stare directly at it, unable to get myself to move. It seems to portray an image of its feathers falling off of its wings as it tries to escape something that is indecipherable to me. My heart is constricting, and what would have been me trying to get closer to it only has me stumbling backwards as I shake my head. No. No. No! I want to scream. Images of his feathers being plucked so he was defenseless were circling in my skull. My throat is tight and clenching, and the pain I had been trying to mask is definitely showing through. But, at this point, whether it's emotional or physical pain is another question.

I shouldn't have come here. I don't know why I'd felt pulled here. But, I just wanted him back. I wanted my hawk to fly around, mess with my hair, and then perch on my withers. I wanted those slaps to the face when I was being stupid. I wanted to be told that things would work out. Would I ever be able to get that again? Would I ever be able to feel like I wasn't completely alone, even when I was in a room full of people?

And I'm breaking down. The walls I'd put up shattering from the mere thought that I won't have that connection again if I fail - that I won't ever have a chance at feeling whole again. I wanted to crumble against someone, but I didn't know if my mind could deal with the touch without being afraid that I was going to be hit for being weak - for not looking like the leader I was supposed to be.

Were they going to try to break me again? When I was already broken?