There was a new weight on this mare's shoulders as she began to move throughout the caves. She didn't want to be so scared. She wanted to understand what that strength Mirage had talked about was. But. Mirage wasn't here. She had left. Again. The pale mare was left alone. She was told she was strong enough to last and then she would be left. Picked up and dropped so many times. It was no wonder that she was so utterly shattered. Every inch of her body ached as she moved forward. Her heart was ripping. It was tearing and bleeding with each step that she took.

How could she be expected to be strong when everyone that she had simply... disappeared from her view? She didn't know how to be strong! All she knew was that the world was meant to eat her! That one misstep could mean death! That no matter what everyone was going to leave her! If they loved her they would fight and die for her! If she cared for them they would have to move on and she would lose them! And when she was at her most vulnerable she would push them away on accident when she needed them the most!

After all, where was Smoke? How was she supposed to be the Moon Doctor? Smoke was supposed to teach her, but she had been missing. Everything was becoming suffocating and that lurking image of sacrificing herself to let everyone else have a chance at a life. Did she even deserve what she was being given? Could she live up to Mirage's image? Could she ever get close to filling Smoke's shoes?

It was all too much for her. She was breaking where she stood, now. A room with drawings glowing across the walls and a beautiful carved fountain in the middle. But she can't bring herself to actually look at it. Her mind is drowning in the pain of knowing that no matter how hard she tries everyone will leave her. The mare doesn't even realize that she's inching closer to the pool of water, but as she sees eyes looking back at her tears finally begin to fall. What if they're dead? The rippling reflection is distorted, but most would have been able to recognize it as themselves had they been the ones peering into it. Res cannot even see herself in the water. It looks like it should be someone else. Someone else with a life that they're actually meant to live.

She's playing games she's too broken for. She's trying to be something she's not sure she has the strength for. But, she couldn't dare disappoint Mirage, not when all that might be left of her is her memory. She has to find a way to hold what is left of the family together. After all, should they lose their home, lose their magic and their gifts from the Moon Goddess they would be stronger together. They would have to be.

The uncertainties were breaking her. She didn't have the energy left. How was she supposed to be strong, to tell people they were safe when she had been tortured in these caves not long before. Kaj and Quil had killed him. But, it was still proof, in her mind, that the caves were not safe from all horrors. But the phoenix had said it was safe. Midas must think it was safe. She would have to stay. She'd have to find a way to put on a mask when she had never been able to before.

She feels like she's out of her body. Her legs are moving her towards a darker corner, the trembling unable to cease as she edges forwards into the darkness that she is so afraid of. Maybe it will swallow her whole. Maybe the pain will end. She doesn't know. She just knows that she doesn't have the strength to stand anymore. And as she chokes on her tears her body collapses in a heap in that corner. Her body is hidden. Her sides heaving as she weeps.

One day she'll lose Quil too. One day she'll be completely alone. One day she'll have to see everyone suffering when she can do nothing to help them. The images of twisted bodies and intestines spilling from opened chest cavities are filling her mind again in this dark corner. But there is no monster there to drag them from the recesses of her mind. Had she the strength to speak, to vocalize anything between her quiet sobs, she would be screaming for Quil. She would be screaming for someone to save him. She would be screaming that he had promised he wouldn't leave her. Because, as she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears she could plainly see herself covered in his blood, curling up under his broken, twisted wing. She could feel her warmth pressing up his cold body. And she could feel her heart crumbling.

How was she to be strong enough to heal the herd when she couldn't heal her own mind?