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03-09-2014, 01:31 PM
 N y x | A r c h i b a l d - - - - - By my verdict ARCHIBALD is the winner. NYX -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: feint + 1| Attack: butt bump + 1| Attack: bite - careful, you’ve made yourself very unbalanced. Since you already threw her hips to the right, your balance depended on the counterweight of her head being left, but now that you’re biting towards the right you’ll be very easy to knock over. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ARCHIBALD -- post 1 [Realism] - 1| Defense: feint - Archibald could not have seen her feint that far ahead to have time to do his own repositioning, especially considering their breeds. + 1| Attack: kick to ribcage + 1| Defense: missed butt bump - plausible due to Dance buff. + 1| Defense: bit on tail dock + 1| Attack: companion bite to neck + 1| Attack: forehooves to knee + 1| Attack: bite towards face [Prose] + 1| Easy Read: typo “loot”, should be look. + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow NYX -- post 2 [Realism] 0| Defense: chest takes kick - because you were angled more to your right for your attacks, this turn was more than 180 degrees and probably wasn’t completed in time. Also bruises are not visible in horses except sometimes in their hooves. - 1| Attack: horn stab to dock - your timing description is what made this seem unrealistic. Saying you did this just as his hooves hit you is not plausible considering you were taking all that time just to move so your chest faced out, and additionally it discounts the damage and force of a double barrel kick which would at least stun her for a bit. + 1| Defense: companion attacks left foreleg 0| Attack: turns and horn to companion - with how close the companion is to you your horn is not very useful. - 1| Defense: knee missed hooves - the knee actually would have been put back into range due to Nyx turning with the companion, as opposed to face to face with Archibald. - 1| Defense: bite hit ribcage - again with her turn her head would be in range for Archibald’s bite. Either way he was aiming to bit an area ahead of his hoof attack and the ribcage is behind her chest where you said he missed, so it doesn’t make sense his bite would land there. [Prose] + 1| Easy read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ARCHIBALD -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: tail dock stabbed - 1| Injury: you need to describe in more detail the effects of being stabbed since you just brush this off + 1| Defense: companion cuffed and scratched + 1| Attack: ram + 1| Attack: bites + 1| Attack: stone magic + 1| Attack: forehoof strike [Prose] + 1| Easy read: typo of “and”, should be an. + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow NYX -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: dodges ram by moving forward - 1| Attack: bucks - considering how much damage her chest would have taken from his kicks, the fact she’s also running which would add more stress to those muscles, and the fact Archibald is already in movement and close proximity, meaning he has more force right now so kicking him would actually shove most of the momentum back into her. Her injuries should have been played on more here. + 1| Defense: bites to dock and haunches + 1| Defense: slowed by magic + 1| Defense: kicked in right hindleg - 1| Injury: the kick to your leg should have been much more impeding and better described, way beyond a bruise considering he hit it square and hard given his breed and description. + 1| Attack: horn jab + 1| Attack: stomp [Prose] + 1| Easy read + 2| Emotion + 1| Flow ARCHIBALD -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: kicked in chest + 1| Attack: bucks at her side + 1| Defense: dodges horn - dance buff makes this plausible - 1| Defense: hit by the stomp - this is awkward because of the timing. Nyx wrote the horn and stomp as happening simultaneously, whereas you split them up over the course of his buck. + 1| Attack: cow kicks at her leg [Prose] + 1| Easy read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow NYX -- post 4 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Defense: hit by buck, grazed + 1| Defense: dodges cow kick NYX [Bonus] + 1| Breed + 2| Surroundings [Injuries] None [Creativity] None. Comments: Overall you’re a definite skilled fighter, however some of your timing with attacks and defenses or the way you would move to attack or defend was not plausible or realistic. I would suggest you carefully plan out and use something to visualize your attacks and defenses to better understand the actual events as they occur. I’d also like to see more emphasis on injury and especially how sustained injuries affect you the rest of the fight. You got some major wounds here and then promptly ignored them. Great with the breed and surroundings mentions though and nice push for emotion, I’d just like to see more feelings next time, and rather than being told about your feelings, to feel them with you. Great job! ARCHIBALD [Bonus] + 1| Breed + 2| Surroundings + 1| Health [Injuries] None [Creativity] + 1| Interesting idea of saying small pebbles in the hoof caused him more damage from her kick, just be cautious you don’t over do it and force it upon her as something she must mention because then it becomes a form of power playing. Comments: As a whole you’re an advanced fighter, however at times you supply too many attacks in threads which can make it more confusing and difficult for your opponent to respond to. Take those words instead and supply more emotion which I felt a bit lacking in his posts, though there was some I know there could have been more given the scenario. Don’t just tell me there’s emotions, make me feel them! Similarly work on your timing and positioning a bit more, and don’t be afraid to take some damage, you just barely sprinkled wounds around but dance and aim won’t carry you completely. Great job with breed and surroundings though! TOTAL NYX - 72 ARCHIBALD - 77  |
