She had been a monster and it broke her heart.

The painted girl stood beside a tree in the Threshold, staring forlornly off into the distance. It would be the distance that led her away, to follow in Alysanne’s hoof prints. Except she would not promise a return, the way Aly had done. How could she, after what she had done? Truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. She had been with friends, ready to welcome Ayelet to the herd when… She shuddered just thinking about it. The attack from Ranjiri. The bite wound on her neck was still visible, faintly, a scar that she tried to hide with mane that wanted to rest on the opposite side of her neck. The resulting chaos of some chunks of hair on the left and most on the right just made her look disheveled- a look she rarely wore. After all, though she had given up flaunting herself to get her wants, she hadn’t given up looking well-groomed. Until today. She didn’t even care.

With a heavy sigh, she shook her head, the metallic scorpion settled between her ears creaking and groaning its protest. Still, somehow, it managed to stay there, entwined in her forelock, tail twisted over its back, watching with this mysterious, lifeless eyes. Unfortunately, it was just one more thing to remind her of what a monster she had been in the weeks past, and the automaton would not remove itself from its position. Not that she had tried very hard.

Turning her head back towards Helovia, a sudden rush of faces flashed through her head. Tangere and her friends, Luken and Aaron, Accalia, Lena and her group, the little kitsune Imogen… They were faces that looked at her accusingly, angrily, judging her for what a beast she had been. And the death that had followed her… she shuddered again. How had she reveled in it just days ago? But they were not the only faces that passed before her. Mirage, Resplendence, Kaj, Aly, Brisa, Apodis and so many others. These faces hurt even more to see. How could she face them knowing what she had done. Did they know what she had done?

A single tear fell down her cheek. She was all cried out.

With a forlorn whinny filling the air, Kahlua turned back towards the exit from Helovia, a doorway into her own personal hell. It killed her to want to leave, but she couldn’t stay. It was for her friends that she took a step forward now- it was perhaps the only selfless thing she had ever done. But somehow her friends seemed more important now, and who was to say Lena’s cure was permanent? She could turn back into a scorpion beast at the drop of a hat. No. She had to go. That was all there was too it.

It hurt worst of all that she couldn’t even say goodbye first.

@[Kaj]