leliel.

"What makes you think I was comfortable with any of them?" I ask when she begins to explain why she had acted the way she had. "I never sought any of them out for conversation. They always came to me, but it was never genuine. I could hear them talking, Muriel. I could hear them daring each other to go and talk to the freak." I'll admit that those fillies from home had me fooled the first couple of times the came to me. Being as young as I was I was desperate to have anyone to call a friend so I wouldn't be so lonely. My childhood was like that. As we all got older the same fillies would keep pulling the same stunt wanting to talk to me and touch me, but it wasn't a dare between friends anymore. It was to make other colts my age jealous and it worked. On more than one occasion I was forced to fight and defend myself and when one of them got hurt it was always my fault. I was always the one punished even though I never started any of the fights.

She insists that she would have missed me if I had decided to kill myself and even though I want to deny it again I know it will do no good. Sometimes I think she's just as stubborn as I am. "You'd have children by now." I say, trying to ignore the way that thought made me feel. Why should I care if she might have had children with someone else. Its not like I wanted them. I had sworn and promised myself that I would never have children for them to be treated as I was. Never. "You would be focused on them and I wouldn't matter." I'm wasting my breath and I know it so I stop my rebuttal right there and let it rest. If she denies it again I'll just let her have the final word and believe that she wouldn't forget about me. She will one day when she realized that I'm just as worthless as the elders said.

His brothers accepted him, he helped burn away the darkness. The Gods grant so many gifts to those in Helovia. Even if you don't trust them, I will do it, if it means giving you back your sight.

"How long before he looses his shit and decides to attack again?" My ears are tilted back against my head again as I pose a question that I know Muriel will not be able to answer. The only one that can answer is the God of the Sun and he and the rest of his siblings are conveniently absent in a time when Helovia needs them most. "I understand that the Gods have done a lot to help Helovia. I get that. But you need to understand where I'm coming from. If they want us dead we're dead. If they want us blind we're blind. Individuals can be so blinded by their faith that they turn on one another. They kill each other in the name of a God that might not even care about them. Faith is little more than a weapon that the Gods use to control mortals. They bestow gifts to keep us in line and to keep our faith from wavering and look at how well it works, Muriel. They allow mortals to quest for magic, but think about it. Do the weak ever return from their quests? No. The Gods are merely strengthening an army and one day that army will go to war." I jerk my head, roughly bumping Muriel and immediately I'm still, whispering a quiet apology. "They did this to me because a God told them to. Why would a God give me my sight back? And for what in return? There is always a catch, Muriel, and I'm not willing to be caught in it or let you be caught in it." My voice is firm and I stomp a hoof into the sand for good measure.

"Never loved? Leliel, I have always loved you.

Time and again she has claimed to love me and I've always denied it, but now I can't help but wonder if it could be true. Why else would she help me? ...Unless its pity that makes her help me. I don't know which option I would rather and when she speaks again I remain silent for a moment. "How?" My voice has dropped to a whisper and without realizing that I was doing it I moved closer to Muriel, my neck arching as I tried to keep my muzzle touched to hers.

"."