she's a bit of a fixer-upper [healing]

[OPEN] she's a bit of a fixer-upper [healing]

Psyche the DarkEmpress Posts: 380

Deceased

Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.3 hh :: 8 (ages in Orangemoon) Buff: ENDURE

RayoDeSoleil

02-24-2014, 09:17 PM

The shadow-mare was a disappointment - how could she not be? She had disappointed those that had placed their faith in her to lead, whether they bought into her doctrine or not. Even now, she imagined a look of disdain on the lovely angel's facade, created a seam of hatred running through the girl's words. Imagined or no, it cut her to the core all the same, and again she felt the flame of guilt cleave her heart in two (the Empress has a heart? Who knew?), the no longer unfamiliar phrase, "I'm sorry," close at hand. How had she become such a fading shadow of herself? How could she have given way when she had once been the epitome of glory? For ever if her morals had changed (and they almost undoubtedly had, by now - she only wanted to be welcomed into their caves, to be liked, or at least respected, by whomever or whatever lay below), surely she had not changed so very much? Surely she could conjure the same mask, the same cold, confident exterior that she had donned so very often throughout her life.

Lena was waiting for her to rise to the occasion, wasn't she? Surely the girl, however lovely and however forgiving and however kind, expected more of her, having known her before? How could she look upon her fallen Empress and not wonder what had happened, where her passion had gone, how her fire had blown out? How could she not look on with contempt as the queen practically begged for admission into their safe haven? For though she deserved nothing more than to rot in the open, all she wanted was acceptance into their sanctuary, a chance to regain some stature in someone's mind, though she doubted very much that her own herd would look upon her with much favor. And who would? Why should they? She was naught but a broken mess of a Lady, a sad ghost of who she once was. Why would they want her when they could have so many better suited to live among them?

But despite all of this, despite everything, Lena said yes, and something in the Empress fell away. Perhaps it was the relief that washed through her veins, or perhaps it was the trepidation at facing all of those whom she had avoided for these many months - she could not go forward. She could not take that final step into the realms that may damn her or free her. She gazed quietly at Lena's expectations, at her waiting, smiling pose, and she floundered in the hopelessness of it all. "And you speak for all of them, darling?" she asked bitterly, a sneer threatening to force its way onto her lips. She swallowed back the bile of a biting retort, closed her eyes against the anger that threatened to make itself known, and sighed. A wry smile is forced, but it does not touch her eyes. They are as haunted as they were moments before, forever doomed by all that they have seen. "Why did you heal me when I failed you all? Wouldn't it be better if I were simply wasting away somewhere out here?" She hated herself for asking, hated Lena for gazing at her in that insipidly cheerful way, as though the Lady's sins had simply been eradicated. Life was not that easy, and she was not stupid enough to think it so. She took a step forward, and her voice lowered into a harsh murmur. "Wouldn't they prefer I rot away out here?"

[W/C | ---]

Walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk."
Think think think.