she's a bit of a fixer-upper [healing]

[OPEN] she's a bit of a fixer-upper [healing]

Psyche the DarkEmpress Posts: 380

Deceased

Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.3 hh :: 8 (ages in Orangemoon) Buff: ENDURE

RayoDeSoleil

03-06-2014, 11:31 PM

She regretted the words as soon as they left her maw, but they had been said, and she would stand behind them. Somewhere in the depths of her soul remained her pride, and she was not quite ready to part with it before one that she had led not so long ago. There was something about being reunited with her own species for the first time in seasons that forced her to hold herself to a higher standard, to push and pull and squeeze her persona into the mold that they had waiting for her, if only it were so easy to fall into the old rhythms. But she had changed, had done and seen too much, had learned of kindness and freedom and happiness, or something like that. She didn't fit anymore, didn't Lena see that? The herd had placed their Lady on a pedestal, and once, she had towered over them; but it had been a long, hard fall, and she could not bring herself to clamber back up.

And what would she have returned to, anyway? She could have stayed in the Basin, could have answered her General's challenge with one of her own, could have tried to best him in combat. Or, perhaps, it was the Engineer that she ought to have demanded on trial, for it was he that took her to publicly to task, he who had gotten under her skin. Was that what they had expected of her? Did they think that she could go on leading a band of superiority when she was no longer one of them? She had always worn a mask, always been a master of deception, but this - this - could they not see that it was too much to ask of her? To request that she rise above the loss of her physical crown, to demand that she retain the same persona after losing so much - it wasn't fair.

But then, life isn't fair.

She had admitted her failure, shown Lena the piece of her soul hidden away. She had revealed that which made her feel as though she were dying inside, as though she were something dirty, corrupt. Ironic, that she should feel that way now, as she treated the hornless with something less than hatred but not quite liking, as opposed to trying to kill them all; but there you are. But Lena merely withdrew her smile, hid behind her own mask and refuted the shade's pain. Granted, the Empress had not chosen the best manner of sharing her feelings, but Lena's rebuttal hurt all the same. She ground her teeth together and looked away, suddenly ashamed, guilty, hurt all at once. She had known that she was a disappointment, that they had expected better, that they had wanted more from her. She hadn't known that she would come across one who would admit as much to her face.

There was no anger in the healer, no bitterness. There was simply fact, and somehow that was more painful than all the rest. What choice do I have? she wanted to ask. I am nothing now. I am no one. But the words died on the tip of her tongue, swallowed and buried with her guilt. The silence stretches, uncomfortable, unfinished business hanging between them. Finally, words fell from the shadow-mare's lips: "I don't think I have as much of a choice as you think." Did Lena know of her little band? Or her goals to wipe the world of the hornless? Could she understand how her own would spurn her, with no horn to boast of? "Thank you for healing me, Lena. I am in your debt." It was perhaps not the answer that the healer was looking for, but the shade had retreated behind the mask again, holding emotion deep within, refusing to let it escape.

[W/C | ---]

Walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk."
Think think think.