"Anywhere you are, I am near.. Anywhere you go, I'll be there, anytime you whisper my name, you'll see.." The words echoed against the cave walls as I sung them, leaving a lonely space afterwards. "Every single promise I'll keep, 'cause what kind of girl would I be if I was to leave when you need me most..." I took a deep breath before I let the last line be heard. "I'm forever keeping my angel close..." Then the tears fell.
See, here's what you don't know about me. I may be a bit psychotic after all this shit that had happened, but I still had feelings. I was still the black widow, left alone with two children to raise. But I didn't exactly have any choice now, did I? My cheeks were soaked with salted tears, my blue eyes swollen and red. Why did this happen? Please answer, because I had no fucking clue why it had to be us. All Azzaron and I had been trying to do was.. to live in harmony. But nobody would leave us alone. Nobody would leave us the fuck alone. And now, here I was, lying by my lover's grave, singing to nothing but a corpse made out of skin and bones and plucked wings. My body started to shake again as I tried to hold back the tears, but I knew that it was useless. They would come anyway. Silently, I started to sing again, the deep vibrations of my voice filling the cave room again. "When I heard your voice, it was drowning in a whisper.. You were just skin and bones, there was nothing left to take, and no matter what I did I couldn't make you feel better.. If only I could find the answer to help me understand..." I want you to come back. Please come back, Azz...
I lied down completely and rested my head upon the broken moss where my mate was buried. Surely the moss burned as it touched my wounds, but I didn't care. At least it wiped the blood off my face, which was a good thing.

I closed my eyes - which hurt a lot since I had been crying for a good few hours, only to hear paws closing in on me a minute later. Dezba... Slowly, my eyes opened and I gazed upon the black female. She had a rabbit in her mouth, which could only mean that she had somehow gone outside, made it to the forest and found a rabbit which she then killed. Oh, my Desired was smart. Yet, it was only food for herself. "It's good that you can find something to eat, at least... I don't want you to turn weak.", I whispered, almost breathing out the sad-tuned words. The cat dropped the rabbit and nudged my cheek carefully, making it wet with blood. She had blood almost all over her face, but who was I to say that?
'You know... You can eat moss.' I flicked my ear towards her, even though I knew she spoke inside of my head. A chuckle was heard from my throat, quiet but clearly there. As if I would eat the moss my mate had been buried under. Never. Dezba looked at me with a disappointed look in her electric eyes, but said no more and started to eat instead. She completely mauled the rabbit and the stench of blood made me smile slightly. They say that the heart is a good thing to eat from an animal... But should I? She had probably been hunting for hours, I couldn't just ask for the heart. Or any part of the rabbit, to be honest.

"Hey... Can... Can I have some?", I whispered, watching as the cat raised her gaze and looked at me. 'Really?' I nodded. At first, she only glared at me for a while, but then bit off a part of the rabbit's flesh and threw it close to my mouth. 'Don't be shy to spit it out if you don't like it. I'll eat it.' In silence, I took the piece of meat between my teeth and started to chew it carefully. It was kind of hard to chew, but the taste of metal from the blood was a familiar taste in my mouth and soon I managed to swallow it. Not very delicious, but it was good enough to silence my hungry stomach.
At least I wasn't thinking about lying on my mate's grave anymore. I smiled, and looked over at my companion. Dezba always knew how to cheer me up. She always knew how to distract me from sadness and keep focused on the more important things - like food. I sighed heavily, making the jaguar look at me. "Do you ever think I will find someone like Azzaron again?" I asked, my words fading to a whisper as I spoke. The cat looked down at her rabbit, then over her shoulder, then back at me. What was she doing? 'Honest, no. But I think you will experience love again. Not same, but you will.' She failed a bit on the grammar still, but she was learning quickly.

After I had closed my eyes, my bonded immediately ate the rest of her prey and started to lick her paws to clean herself. It felt good to bond with your companion, even if they couldn't talk out loud. But, it felt good. Now that Dezba was busy cleaning herself, I started thinking about my kids. They were both growing so quickly. My daughter, the star in my life, would turn two years old next summer while my precious son turned one in only a couple of months. Where had the time gone?
They were growing up so fast, and soon they wouldn't need their mother anymore. I would be useless. I would only be able to stand by while they go ahead and explored the wilderness outside, leaving their old dear mother home alone. All... alone. Was there therapy for horses yet? I could need some, soon, because it felt like I was going to dive into the pool of depression again and I didn't want that, not again, as I thought once was enough for a woman to bear. Dezba's words started to sink into my brain and I began my wondering. Would I really find someone to love again? Or would I be forever alone, left as a psychopathic maniac who loved the taste of blood? Who would even like a mare who favored blood as a drink? I sure wouldn't, that's for sure. Only crazies would even accept me.
I sighed again and relaxed my body, slowly fading into the world of dreams. A world where I could be with my family without having anyone taking them away from me. A world where I was happy...
At last.

"Talking."

ooc: Open to everyone<3
word count: 1151