OXY
Realism [+5]
I really like how you describe the locoweed affecting Oxy after his detox in the caves and I like that the affects are carried through in every post. With the way you described it I had a clear vision in my head of his continued struggle with balance. That coupled with the injuries he sustained to his shoulders (yay for an old injury flaring up!) left me wanting to read more and more. I also thought it was clever that Oxy would try to attack a portion of Ciceron's body where he was not protected with armor.

Emotion [+1.5]
The first thing that really stood out to me was how annoyed Oxy was with his boggart and his disappointment that she turned into an egg. I really got a feel in this fight for how he dislikes his companion and the brief time that she was involved I could feel her desire to him to like her. I really don't see this kind of relationship between companion and bonded and I have to say that I really like it. The middle portion of the battle I don't recall getting much emotion from Oxy. His fear, however, I felt was more palpable than his annoyance at the beginning of the battle and I loved it.

Prose [+3]
The style of writing you use for Oxy makes for an easy read, in my opinion. There were a few spots here and there where you used the wrong words.

"bite your teeth an squint your eyes" - should be 'bite your teeth and squint your eyes'

"ignoring you're please." - should be 'ignoring your pleas'

Overall, however, your posts were well written and consistent.

Readability [+3]
Your posts were easy to follow and didn't leave me wondering what had happened.


Finally tally: 50.5 HP


CICERON
Realism [+3]
I didn't understand your first attack in this spar. It left me wondering how a buck would work if Oxy attacked Ciceron's shoulder. I could not clearly picture this attack in my head. I did like that the injury Ciceron took to his shoulder affected his stride and some of his choices later on in the battle. Keep in mind, though, that checking your opponents profiles can help in battle because Oxy only has shoes on his hind hooves. You took more damage than necessary in one attack because you though Oxy had shoes on his front hooves.

Emotion [+1]
I like that Ciceron was angry at being tricked into thinking his egg had cracked, but after saying he was angry it kind of fell flat. I was left feeling that Ciceron was more distracted than angry. You also use the word 'detest', which I would have liked to see you go into more detail about why he detests Oxy as much as he does. I could feel when Ciceron finally got his head together and was ready to fight. I could feel his determination and in your final post I could feel his anger and the frenzy his emotions put him in. The sudden snap back to reality was played nicely and I liked that he diverted his horn because he didn't want to kill Oxy.

Prose [+3]
There were a few issues here. You had some run on sentences that tended to make your posts a little more difficult to read. There was a sentence that was a fragment that I had to go back and read because I thought I had missed something.

"Cursing under his breath at himself for being so stupid and forgetting what his mentor had taught him all those years ago." -fragment

focused to intently on bringing justice. - should be 'focused too intently'

The restricted turn and movements of the bay suggest that something is not quite right in the front quarters, other than the head that is. - hah! I cannot say how much I loved this sentence. Thank you for making me giggle while I was reading this spar.

Readability [+1.5]
I like the way you write Ciceron. The only problem I had was the run on sentences in some of your posts. Some of them are difficult to follow and I had to go back and re-read them several times to make sure I understood what was going on in your post. Definitely watch out for those run on sentences.

"After getting this far into their spar he was not about to give him any easy points where he could sneak in a couple free blows while he gathered himself from the heap on the ground, he would have to be mad to let that happen willingly." - This sentence was really difficult for me to understand and I had to read it a couple of times.


Finally tally: 46.5 HP

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