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03-17-2014, 11:35 PM
LAVIY
DON'T SHED A TEAR FOR ME, I STAND ALONE
My escape would have been faster and more complete had I flown but I have not had that luxury since I was a child. As it is I am lucky that there was chaos enough to keep everyones eyes and thoughts off of me.
Useless wings pinned tightly to my side I ran until I could run no longer. Next I walked until my wind recovered then I ran again and so on and so on and so on. Here and there I stopped in a shadowy, sheltered place to close my eyes for an hour but sleep was scarce for me on the whole. I could not afford it.
Run, walk, run, walk, run, walk, run…
I was walking again when I found the trail into the thick, dark wood. For a moment I hesitated then I plunged on full speed ahead. The speed did not last long but my determination kept me trudging deeper and deeper, as far away from the sun as I could get.
Walk, walk, walk, stumble, walk, walk…
Surely I am far enough away now, surely they will not find me here. If they are even looking at all. Optimism is not my way but really, what is one slave among many? I think I have gone far enough that pursuit would be little more than a waste of resources for them. Just to be safe I push myself even farther until my legs give out beneath me and I crumple in a heap on the snow covered forest floor.
Dreams carry me gently for a time, drifting on wings that are whole once again. Then a storm wakes in my subconscious mind. The dreams turn to nightmares and I scream as I fall from the sky…
My mismatched eyes pop open wide, rolling crazily as my heart races and my breath comes in sharp, shaky gasps. In what seems like hours but is really only minutes I slowly realize that I am not falling, I am truly, very firmly on the ground. The panic attack subsides.
I squeeze my eyes shut again waiting for the command to wake and get back to work. The command never comes. So, I did not dream my “flight” from the mountain then. Again I open my eyes but this time I take it slow savoring the light and breath of freedom. Suddenly my body begins to shake and I realize that sprawling here in the snow like this is probably not the healthiest thing I could possibly do. I get to my feet grudgingly not quite wanting to abandon that possibility of returning to sleep, a thing I could never have done before without tasting the lash as punishment.
My diminutive height means I am not really much more of a target standing than I was while lying down so I am not terribly worried about drawing attention. I am rather out in the open at the moment though, to fix that I tuck in under the sun-bowed branches of a tall white-trunked tree. From there I gaze out at the silent winter wood finding myself at a loss for… well, everything.
I have made my great escape and… what now?
What does one who has never lived without the commands of another to dictate her every move do when she suddenly finds herself free and alone?
Ambition does not boil my blood, I have no deep desires, no hidden secrets, no driving passions… my one dream is to fly again and, realist that I am, I know that can never, ever happen. What does this leave me? Nothing… nothing at all. Which is no more or less than I had before.
I am Laviy the once soldier-trainee, Laviy the slave girl, Laviy the broodmare, Laviy the field hand and now Laviy the lost. Nothing has changed except that I can roll over and go back to sleep without being whipped for my trouble. Weariness overtakes me again but this time I do not sink to the ground. Instead I turn my back on the strange world beyond, press my forehead into the rough bark of the tree and doze.
THIS PATH OF DESTINY, IS ALL MY OWN
