ARAH
Realism [+2]
You say she dove her head to avoid the dragon's fire, putting her head to her chest, so how then does the fire hit the end of her nose? Also, I would have liked to maybe read some follow through with the dragon, see emotion.
Directional issue that you and snowwy caught.
Otherwise well done and great attention to size and environment!



Emotion [+2]
I believe this is the first time Arah is battling a dragon, which is a big deal. I think that the emotion of having a firebreathing reptile try to claw your eyes out was maybe missed.
However, I did very much enjoy the fact that she was doing this for her children, and I think it apt that she turned so malicious in doing so.



Prose [+3]
Word error "so you like YOUR dragon..."
This may just be me, but the center align of the text is distracting. I didn't take off points for it, but it's something to consider in the future.
More than a few small grammar issues: stallion's, cannot is one word without a space, etc.
I think that this was your weakest point in this battle. Even without the directional issue, I ran into may snags in your grammar and verb tense. Next time, I would try reading your posts out loud 20 minutes after writing them to see if it all still makes sense.



Readability [+2]
You said in your second post that "his training is coming alive"? Who is he? I didn't understand this paragraph.
Other than this minor issue, I didn't have any struggles.


Finally tally: 35.5 HP


TYRADON
Realism [+1.5]
Arah ducked her head down when Cynder attacked, which means that essentially, Cynder would have had to content with sharp, spiney antlers. I would have liked to read this.
In your third post, you write Arah's antlers scraping, but he stays in close quarters. Is her antler still stuck in his body then? Where is it? Not giving a position to your opponent's horn leaves a gap that is hard to fill for the other writer! Also, since he is kicking at her and biting at her, wouldn't the tines be pushing more into his body?

I very much enjoyed your attention to the small details in this battle, including the rocks in his hooves as he tried to scrape along Arah's leg. However, there were a few "holes" rather than mistakes that I would focus on filling next battle.


Emotion [+2]
I loved reading the reaction of Tyradon and Cynder with the bond interference, and I am also impressed at how you managed to get out of that attack. It was a clever way to take damage and avoid the flames.


Prose [+4]
Some minor repetition of the same words and same points in each paragraph made the introduction difficult to track. I had a hard time associating his thoughts in the sequence to his actions. Throughout your entire battle, you seemed to focus only on a few words or thoughts. Since you write Tyradon in third person, it would be nice to know if he is repeating these thoughts because he is a single track mind so I know it's not you running out of things to say! Words like "bone", "break" and so forth were so heavily used and then italicized, so I noticed even more the repetition.



Readability [+3]
Very easy to read!

Finally tally: 51 HP

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