First and foremost, I just wanted to let everyone know that I did my best to give positive comments but, for the sake of my sanity, most of the comments are things that I thought could have gone better rather than things that went well. That said, all of you did excellent and there are so many positive comments I could have given all of you that it would have taken me all week to write up this rubric. Great fight and congratulations to everyone!


FIORE
Realism [+4]
You did a great job documenting Fiore's contemplations on who to attack in your first post and subsequently making him choose most realistically. I felt that you did quite good translating dice rolls to damage. You also did a great job keeping the timeline of the fight organized and each of Fiore's responses to the attacks seemed realistic and well thought out.


Emotion [+3]
Great job setting up the fight with lines like this- “A newcomer from nowhere over the mountains, an ordinary sack of blood with stumpy legs and feminine features.” I was laughing right from the get go! This great grasp of emotion followed through into your second post as I felt Fiore's struggle right along with him- fighting fairytale creatures and dealing with his own mistakes as well. Poor Fiore!- “he almost felt like they had christened him the idiot of the party and left him to fall over his own feet whilst they got down to the real business.”


Prose [+4]
There was a period splitting two sentences that should have been connected with a comma at the beginning of your second post. In a large fight like this, succinctness is important and you showed good ability to write clearly even with limited space. In your last attack, I wasn't quite sure if you were aware that Ktulu was in bear form or not. I get the impression that Fiore would have seen it while he was sitting out, but I wasn't entirely sure.


Readability [+3]
Nothing of particular note, everything was very easy to read and understand.


Finally tally: 31+14= 45HP


NOTE
Realism [+3]
Starting off, you did a excellent in providing references to old fights and training that Note would certainly be thinking of. There was an instance of borderline powerplay here- “As Note was pulling up into his rear, the cat scurried around his left side, bounding up to the spotted horse's right side.” Even though we know Fiore is on Note's left, you should always indicate trying something with regard to your opponent instead of stating it as fact. Same thing in your last post- make sure you're 'trying' to position yourself. Towards the end of the fight, with Note as beat up as he was, I think that he was probably a little more mobile than he should have been, but overall I think you did fairly well in translating dice roll to damage and maintaining that damage throughout the fight.


Emotion [+1.5]
I didn't feel entirely drawn into Note's personality in the first post, but by the second you had me laughing out loud. I also liked that you were able to work Sabel's personality and emotions into the post, giving me insight into the two as a pair as well as single entities. Good job interpreting the Time Slip and it was really nice to see Note get angry about everyone beating up on him.


Prose [+4]
I think there might have been a missing word in your first post, but I didn't see anything particularly glaring or wrong. I caught one minor error in your second post- one of his wings was missing, rather than one of his wings were missing.


Readability [+2.5]
I had to go back and read just one thing in your first post. The way you said that Note was rearing made me feel like I was missing something so I had to go back and double check. It wasn't a big deal, perhaps just worded a little oddly.

Penalty: I docked you -1HP for missing your closing defense as it seemed pointless to disqualify you after finishing the fight and I think it might have been partially my fault that you didn't know to post the closing defense.

Finally tally: 8.5+11-1= 18.5HP


KTULU
Realism [+3]
In your first post, remember that even if you feel like your opponent has no good way to escape a motion you're making, you should always 'try' to do something instead of 'doing' it. I interpreted this as a borderline powerplay- “but fortunately for Ktulu the pegasus veered to his left which kept her on his right side as she continued to circle around.” In your second post, I think you took just slightly too much damage for what the dice roll said. The dice was a 5/6, so you have to keep in mind that if Note rolled a 6 you would have to take more damage than what you took for the lightning strike, which I think might have been difficult. That said, this was a difficult call considering what Note's magic restrictions are. Again, remember that you have to 'try' to do things- “Her mouth opened as she came closer [to Note].” He could be moving away from your attack.


Emotion [+2]
You did a good job setting up Ktulu's calculating mind throughout your first post. I like that she's got enough emotional investment in the fight to remember that it is her herdmates she is fighting while still being very calculating in all of her actions. In your second post, you continued to do a good job of making her personality shine, especially as she sort of struggled between this being a friendly spar and wanting to get back at Note. I especially enjoyed in your last post, Ktulu fighting for Archi's honor.


Prose [+3.5]
In the first post, I understood what you were getting at, but this was slightly awkwardly worded to me- “In that roar held all of his terrorizing power aimed at the lynx.” One messy sentence in your second post- “he felt out of unstable and not in control her her emotional state...”. In your final post, although you did give good indication of where and how you were taking damage, I would have liked to see a little more time spent on describing the injuries.


Readability [+3]
Nothing of particular note, everything was clean and easy to read.


Finally tally: 31.5+11.5= 43HP


ARCHIBALD
Realism [+3]
I really enjoyed Archibald comparing each of his opponents to somebody he had interacted with in the past and am glad you took the time and words to do it as I think it was very true to Archibald's warrior personality. Careful not to go too far back in time, early in your second post you were potentially creating new damage to Fiore that he would not have been able to respond to- “Her intended target had been lost, but she tasted the sweat of the boy. She thrashed her head quickly, hoping to tear skin and muscle, but gravity was pulling her back quick.” Also, in your second post, I had a hard time seeing where you took your 7.5 points of damage from Note. I think some of it might have been Loretta injuring herself to get to Sabel and some of it Archibald maybe slipping on the grass, but I never really got a clear picture of where the damage was taken.


Emotion [+2.5]
Right in the feels right from the beginning- good job remembering Archibald's past and how it would be affecting his interaction with Loretta. I was also very appreciative of Archi's calculating mind. In the second post, I love that he took time out of the spar to keep Ktulu from killing somebody. I thought it was an excellent move and really displayed his character.


Prose [+4.5]
Everything was very well edited and it shows that you took the time to really check over everything. Towards the end of your second post there were a few long sentences that didn't necessarily affect readability, but might have come across cleaner if they had been split up. One mistaken word in your last post.


Readability [+3]
Nothing of particular note, everything was clean and easy to read.


Finally tally: 48+13= 61HP

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Archibald is awarded +2VP (capped) for this battle.