My mind, it’s so hazy. Shock after shock of pain is radiating through each little nerve in my frame. I’m slow, too slow. My attack forward is met only with Circuta side-stepping out of my way, horn meeting nothing but air. I double take – slow reactions having my hooves unable to cling to the mud and sliding around. It is when they finally gain traction in a deeper spot that her back hooves slam into my right side, not only leaving muddy prints but also bruising the flesh near my flank.

It is that slam, though, that jolts the souls free and causes the pain and disorientation to cease. With a clear mind I spread my legs out, gather my balance and huff as she begins to speak again – yellow orbs eyeing the mare’s frame as she trots off just enough to keep the momentum from dragging her down into a defenseless position upon the ground. But more than the shock has been knocked free from my mind – the sane voices in my subconscious also have been. She speaks of abandonment. I don’t really listen too much to the rest of what falls from her mouth. No all I hear is: “Blah, blah, blah.” Has she ever understood how screechy her voice sounds? I honestly thought that someone with emotions would be able to understand something like that is just not appealing, but apparently not.

I take deep breaths in as I see her charging toward me once more, more towards my left side than before. Stinging and pulsing wounds upon my left haunch are not willing to allow me to rear up or push off and bolt forward. No. It doesn’t matter, though; I continue to shift my weight – moving across the sloppy mud, not willing to stand still for too long. My audits pin as the sound of her voice still whining – speaking of things she cannot possibly understand.

How one even attempts to concentrate while formulating such riddled sentences is far beyond me – though I will admit it might be far easier for me as I was not hindered by these emotions that must be overpowering her. No. These emotions are gone – far gone from me – the second the voices in my subconscious disappeared I was that wall again, that wall of nothing. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t dumbfounded, I wasn’t anything (except maybe in small amounts of pain). And, because I harbored no feelings, I was willing to take on more pain – to continue to feel alive.

I don’t move, I pretend that I am still slow, injured from whatever it was she thought was causing my state to deteriorate. I preform a slower twist than I would have done usually, and I can feel her dagger grip into the upper portion of my left flank. Being short in stature has never felt so good, knowing that it meant it didn’t ruin the muscles in my side. And then I turn toward the left, legs moving sloppily as I careen after her. Mud flies everywhere and my body is low, tilting at a dangerous angle but just barely managing to come back before I can smack into the ground.

Death. Destruction. Retribution for this wrong! Apparently I hadn’t lost all the voices (how very unfortunate for Circuta), for that feral voice’s words sounded clear. At the last second, I aim to stab her in the soft flesh near her front left elbow – coming at her from behind. If I hit her artery, I didn’t care. In fact, it was all that much better. If she lost that much blood it would force the imbecile to stop this idiocy. My voice carries as I speed towards her, “You’re right. I never loved you. I never loved anyone. That’s because I don’t feel emotions. That doesn’t mean I haven’t taken you all as my own. I would fight first for Asylum, then for the Falls. However, I was given a job by the Earth God himself and I will do it.”

She doesn’t understand. In fact, no one can. No one knows what it is like to know you are supposed to feel something yet have nothing there. And I’ve tried so hard, so damn hard to mimic the expressions and the actions of those who can actually feel – So I can be normal. I slice my horn up quickly, hopefully having made contact with flesh, hopefully having blood dripping off of my horn. And, with that slice, I am snapping out at her flesh, hoping to tear a chunk of it away with my teeth. DESTRUCTION! The feral voice is screaming again, and it’s all I can do to follow.

This whole thing needs to stop. That much, yes that much, I was completely, utterly sure of.