CIRCUTA
Realism [-1]
I feel as though you have a good hold on response time, however much of the low score here is due to general confusion and unclarity provided by the writing. Many of your attacks and defenses could have been more realistic had you described them in a bit more detail - the majority of the time you just briefly mentioned an attack or dodge, never really explaining how you executed it or at times, what side it was on. In fact there were several times I wasn’t even aware you had written an attack until I was reading Seele’s response and saw her dodging something, so I’d go back to re-read your post and sure enough a few vague words were there amid everything else. For instance your bubble magic attack in the first post.

For similar reasons I would suggest using more direct language when you do explain your attacks and defenses, because there was a lot of convoluted replacements, such as “anchors” for hooves, or trying to figure out what “her/she” was referring to which horse (don’t be afraid to use their actual names!), that took me longer to sort out than a clear cut word would have done.

Otherwise I thought you fought well from what you focused on fighting in your posts. I definitely saw you improve as the fight progressed as well which is always enjoyable to read. Just be cautious that you don’t forget that these are horses we’re working with, because in the first posts I saw lots of jugular talk which isn’t very realistic for these animals - albeit yours was a horn attack to the jugular which is a bit more understandable than attempting to bite that area, but you did take a bite to your jugular and commented it was bleeding quite a lot, when horse’s do not have teeth capable of inflicting that kind of damage like a predator would - in that same attack though you were trying to stab Seele’s throat and bite her ear, which wouldn’t physically make sense.

You took sufficient injuries, but I would have like more detail on what the actual injury involved and how it impacted Circuta through the duration of the fight.

I did enjoy your references to the mud, particularly as you had Circuta slip on several occasions. I think you can easily extend that further and really make the mud, which seemed pretty bad in this terrain, impact her further and be expressed in each post. For instance she could have easily damaged herself on the mud do to an unexpected turn of her body or the mud holding her/slowing her causing her to be unable to dodge on time. I saw a lot in this fight of each horse just taking each other’s attacks, which is fine, but you can definitely get more creative with why attacks landed or missed with such an interesting terrain as this fight had.

Overall you have good attack and defense ideas (loved how you used the amulet to combat Seele’s magic!), just go into more detail about them. Don’t be afraid to explain and expand, and to keep it simple. I know with time and practice you’ll become a great fighter :)


Emotion [+0.5]
Your emotion did improve with each post as the fight went on, but even so I was left continuously wondering how Circuta felt and what her motives were. So much of your word count went into just describing the appearances of the setting and the fighters, that I actually felt overwhelmed and never got a chance to really be submersed alongside this battle with Circuta, because so much was focused on how things looked and not how they acted or why they acted. When she attacks, what is she hoping for, why did she choose that attack? If it hits or if it misses, how does that affect her and her next calculations? If she is struck, what goes on in her mind, does it anger her, motivate her?

Your last post was definitely the best in regards to emotion, but unfortunately a closing defense doesn’t judge anything but the realism portion.


Prose [+2]
You have a very extensive vocabulary and a rich style. Adjusting your sentence structure might provide better flow however, as often the transitions were choppy and the paragraphs large.


Readability [-1]
Although I can appreciate your style for what it is, it considerably and repeatedly hindered my ability to read, much less judge and understand this fight. You had frequent run on sentences and often used “a” when it should have been “an”. You did improve over the course of the fight in regards to grammar, but the sentences were still frequently long and overly verbose. In the future you can certainly maintain your style, but tone it down so that it adds to the writing rather than detracts from it.


Finally tally: 36+0.5= 36.5 HP


SEELE
Realism [+2]
Once again you do a great job with your injuries, particularly in your last post I loved you mentioning some attacks Seele could not accomplish due to her hurt haunches. I also really enjoyed your reaction to your own magic being turned against her, though I think you could have done more with Circuta’s suffocating magic in your first post. Additionally in that first post be careful of having a horse bite attack another horse’s jugular. This is not realistic for a horse, not just behavior wise (as I do understand these are more like human-horses), but also equipment wise they simply don’t have the teeth to deal good damage in that location. There are much better vital areas a horse can attack, outside of normal horse behavior, that would be more realistic, such as trying to kick leg joints or horn the less protected underbelly and flank area.

With injuries though be careful not to exaggerate them too much, I thought your bleeding ear was a bit overdone, but otherwise liked everything else.

I would like to see you go into more detail to actually described your attacks and defenses, which only goes further to make them more realistic and plausible - for instance give me a good reason why she’d attack someone’s jugular with her teeth and I just might be convinced. I especially wanted this detail in your third post when you say you attack her shoulder, but really don’t say how or with what. Leaving it so vague makes it easier to misinterpret, so it’s best to provide clear direction of your approach, your aim/intention, what side you’re attacking, what way you’re facing before and after, what you do after/if succeed or fail etc. This might have helped more with the confusion Circuta expressed with one of your attacks and your own confusion from Circuta’s attack where she said right side and you took the injury to your left side (fourth post), which I believe was due to the majority of the fight not clearly listing sides prior and a switch of sides in Circuta’s summary, which I’ll get to in a minute.

I liked the few references you made to Seele’s height and the occasional nod to the terrain, but I really felt there could have been a lot more added in, especially terrain wise. Circuta described a pretty detailed scenery with a lot happening that you could have used to your advantage, or disadvantage, pretty often. Going that extra mile to add that in really gives a nice touch to the realism and can make a big difference with the way you attack and dodge as well, especially with a muddy, rainy setting like this one.

Overall great job with the attacks and defenses and injuries, just go into more detail about them, including scenery. Keep at it and in no time you’ll be awesome!


Emotion [+2]
You had great emotion throughout the entire fight, especially in your first post. In fact I would have never thought that this character was intended to be bad at feeling if I hadn’t read it in your last post.


Prose [+3 ]
You have a nice prose and especially a good flow. I also saw a noticeable difference from your last fight I read in regards to Seele’s voices. They added to her character and did not impede my reading as they did last time, so I appreciate and recognize that change.


Readability [+1.5]
I found your posts easy to read and understand all throughout the fight. There were a few times that you would start a sentence with “and” which I do not believe is correct, but otherwise everything looked fine in regards to structure and grammar.


Finally tally: 41+8.5= 49.5 HP

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A note to both fighters
I wanted to bring up something I saw both of you doing throughout the fight that wasn’t something I judged on, but that I think influenced both of your responses during the fight, so is important to touch on.

You both provided summaries at the end of your posts, which is never something judges will score, or usually even look at. They are traditionally a way to provide a quick synopsis of your attacks and defenses, and even your injuries, so that your opponent and/or you can easily reference back without having to wade through everything in your entire post. These have never been required, but can be helpful which is why some people do them.

However, I found that you two had summaries nearly as large as your posts, and that you seemed to be confusing yourselves because at times what the summary said and what the post said might be different (such as an attack left vs. right) or the summary might actually have more detail (or at least simplified detail) about an attack/defense than the post, and at times it felt like you two would respond to what was in the summary rather than the post, which frequently had me confused since I wasn’t looking at the summaries.

Again there is no penalty or anything, but in the future I would consider heavily shortening your summaries and never relying on them to figure out your response post in a fight.