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06-03-2014, 06:39 AM
en natt så kall och månen den var klar
"I'm sorry, too."
Was this what would always come of one-sided love? Regret, pain, confessions under moonlight, heat swept away by the cold ocean breeze? He had—was—what she wanted. What did she expect him to do? What did she honestly expect him to do? She knew nothing of him, didn't know that one secret, the one thing he hadn't told anyone.. as he gazed at her for that short moment before her words tumbled out, he felt his mind form what he had told Leyra: it's not about you.
Because it wasn't. It was all about him—his heart, his dreams, his feelings.. and there was nothing she could do about that. There was never any conscious choice involved. Either it was, or it wasn't, and in this case, like so many others, it simply wasn't.
Nor did he think it could be.
It didn't make him feel any better, though. Sure, he could.. pretend? But not even the tiniest part of him was drawn to the idea. If Aurelia had any sense at all, she'd want him to want her.. not want for him to pretend, just for the sake of her feelings. Then she would have nothing but a half-life, and he would always be just out of reach, and he couldn't imagine anyone—least of all himself—living happily in such a way.
"I'm sorry that I am simply to average for the likes of you."
"What?" he blurted out, incredulous, but then shut up and just listened in disbelief and dismay. Why did everyone seem to assume he had some sort of say in who he was attracted to, or not? Why did everyone immediately assume it was their fault there was no mutual spark? Silently he gazed at her, but her eyes were downcast. What could he possibly say, to try and make her understand that it wasn't about her? Some day, someone would come along and love her, love Aurelia, the hot-headed, unbound, free-spirited and easily hurt Aurelia.
But that day was not today, and that someone was not Mauja.
"Aurelia..." But how could he explain, without sounding exasperated, as if trying to teach a child of how the "adult world" works? He closed his eyes, sighed, and tried again.
"It's not about you. You are perfect the way you are. And someday, someone will love you for that." The gentle stars reflected in his gaze, mirrored by the softness of his voice. "But I cannot choose whom I want, or love. Despite what you may think, I am a creature of emotion, and that my feelings are not for you has less to do with you, and more to do with.. me." And the one they are for. A small, wry smile curved his dark lips. "And there's no guarantee I won't be getting my heart broken, either," he added in a soft voice.
Was this what would always come of one-sided love? Regret, pain, confessions under moonlight, heat swept away by the cold ocean breeze? He had—was—what she wanted. What did she expect him to do? What did she honestly expect him to do? She knew nothing of him, didn't know that one secret, the one thing he hadn't told anyone.. as he gazed at her for that short moment before her words tumbled out, he felt his mind form what he had told Leyra: it's not about you.
Because it wasn't. It was all about him—his heart, his dreams, his feelings.. and there was nothing she could do about that. There was never any conscious choice involved. Either it was, or it wasn't, and in this case, like so many others, it simply wasn't.
Nor did he think it could be.
It didn't make him feel any better, though. Sure, he could.. pretend? But not even the tiniest part of him was drawn to the idea. If Aurelia had any sense at all, she'd want him to want her.. not want for him to pretend, just for the sake of her feelings. Then she would have nothing but a half-life, and he would always be just out of reach, and he couldn't imagine anyone—least of all himself—living happily in such a way.
"I'm sorry that I am simply to average for the likes of you."
"What?" he blurted out, incredulous, but then shut up and just listened in disbelief and dismay. Why did everyone seem to assume he had some sort of say in who he was attracted to, or not? Why did everyone immediately assume it was their fault there was no mutual spark? Silently he gazed at her, but her eyes were downcast. What could he possibly say, to try and make her understand that it wasn't about her? Some day, someone would come along and love her, love Aurelia, the hot-headed, unbound, free-spirited and easily hurt Aurelia.
But that day was not today, and that someone was not Mauja.
"Aurelia..." But how could he explain, without sounding exasperated, as if trying to teach a child of how the "adult world" works? He closed his eyes, sighed, and tried again.
"It's not about you. You are perfect the way you are. And someday, someone will love you for that." The gentle stars reflected in his gaze, mirrored by the softness of his voice. "But I cannot choose whom I want, or love. Despite what you may think, I am a creature of emotion, and that my feelings are not for you has less to do with you, and more to do with.. me." And the one they are for. A small, wry smile curved his dark lips. "And there's no guarantee I won't be getting my heart broken, either," he added in a soft voice.
Se dem brinna över verkan se dem dansa framför bål
Se dem mässa inför satan se dem smida sina stål
Se dem mässa inför satan se dem smida sina stål
