.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
08-10-2014, 01:04 PM
en natt så kall och månen den var klar
Tell me how's the way to be
There was a reason there never were blizzards in the desert, or that forest fires never raged in winter—there was a reason, and in a way, Mauja felt like he truly was winter. And that barrier of snow and frost, of cutting ice and driving winds, separated him from the rest of the world. Where he shrank back into himself, sought perfection in his existence and purpose in the beating of his heart, she did not. Where he pulled back and studied his life like an object, she was too tangled up in it—living every moment. Where he found reason in simply observing who he had been, who he was, and who he might become, she despaired in the feeling of suffocating, meaningless life. Where he swallowed, and hardened his heart, and bore his failures, she let them eat her up.
Mauja was old enough to have learned to shelf his life.
Aurelia seemed young enough to still think there was a way to live life "correctly". Like there was some kind of pattern to follow, like love and family meant you were fucking happy and had succeeded—whatever the hell that meant. Life wasn't about success. Life wasn't about what you weren't but wished you were.
Life was about the blood in your veins, the breath in your lungs.
He wanted to help her. He genuinely wanted to help her, to open her eyes, to make her see that life wasn't about others but about yourself. He wanted to help her, but damn, she wore away so quickly at what fragile patience he had.
"They are calm," he simply responded, slightly amazed that he wasn't gritting his teeth and snapping at her yet. For her to understand.. it seemed so distant, almost as distant as him becoming who he'd been again; of circles fulfilling, and the rivers running uphill. "They are a focus—with them, my mind freewheels, and in losing myself to thought I find answers I otherwise would not. When you're too busy thinking of a problem, trying to find the solution, it eludes you, because you try too hard."
"If you see no future for yourself, go and drown. Then, when the ocean spits you back up on the beach, and your lungs still draw breath and your heart still beats, you'll realize the power of life—and the will to live, embedded in us all." Still talking to the stars. He dragged his gaze down, back onto her; the sharpness of ice lingered beneath the matted surface, the dull gray of his iris reflecting the myriad of stars. "You will never find control, or someone who loves you, if you don't go on living."
A heartbeat of silence.
"At the heart of it, Aurelia, life is truly purposeless. We are created from driving need, and born into societies as fragile as glass, and founded on nothing but mere ideas. There is no divine law, there is no purpose greater than the functions of our bodies. Everything in Helovia can shatter in an instant, because every empire is little more than dreams held together by the strength of someone's arm and the charisma of their words. There is nothing to life but what we decide to make of it—whether we live in the despair of knowing that nothing has any true meaning or if we decide that our own happiness and dreams are enough, is up to us. You will never truly achieve anything, Aurelia, and neither will I. When the breath leaves my body and nature reclaims my flesh, I will leave no mark that lasts longer than the memory of a few generations, if even that."
Perhaps not what she wanted to hear. Perhaps not what she needed. "You've only got one life; don't waste it, but use your wings and rise above it."
Probably not what she wanted to hear, either. But even if he thought it would solve anything, he couldn't bring himself to fuck someone who was still just a slip of a girl.
Se dem brinna över verkan se dem dansa framför bål
Se dem mässa inför satan se dem smida sina stål
Se dem mässa inför satan se dem smida sina stål
