Aurelia
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

"aurelia talk"
"What a pity I'm disinclined to follow the commands of others," I didn't sigh with relief. Maybe, just maybe, part of me wanted him to kill me. Part of me wanted him to end my life, so I wouldn't mess up another horse's. I guess if I died, I would let someone down. Someone with hopes for me. Someone that believes I am more than just Kill. Does anyone believe that? No horses have ever shown much faith in me, but that is something I should get use to.

Or I could die here and I'd never have to hear another horse's speech about how I disappointed them. I disappoint everyone and everything. "So, I'll get to live another day running around getting people angry, making more enemies?" My expression is still normal-- not happy, nor sad. I let out one sarcastic 'Ha!' before continuing. "I'm just living it up." I smirk and look away from Mauja. My cranium turns swiftly towards the dry land-- towards where home is.

Home. The word is now bittersweet. I've been promoted to seer, yes. I've also gained the ability to speak with the Moon Goddess, personally. Along with the rank and privileges that involve the Moon Queen, I've gained rank magic. I want to be the seer. I want to be worth something. I want it. I don't want loneliness anymore. I am tired of being just me and occasionally Shilva, but that isn't good enough. It should be, but I cannot help, but feel so alone. Is there no one that is compatible with me, the FireAngel? Am I to be a lonely lady with her 20 animals, pacing up and down the halls or the hidden caves neurotically? I do not know if that is the position for me, but I do know that.. that is were I am headed.

"Because maybe I'm hoping against hope that you'll prove me wrong?" Hoping against hope? I do not understand what this means. I am not as thoughtful as this. So, without a thought of what I am going to say, I begin speaking. "See, this is where you fuck up. I don't prove anyone wrong. I am still the hot-headed, ignorant, Aurelia you met in the Deep Forest! I'm not smart, I'm not brave, I'm not a fighter! What am I? I am Kill-- an animal that isn't amazing enough to get a name!" By now, my voice is quiet rage. I'm not mad at Mauja, I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at everyone and everything. I should just leave Helovia. By now, I am wishing Mauja had just ended my life.

It's on me, Mauja says. It's my fault I'm angry. I know it is, but my life hasn't exactly given me many chances to be happy. The only good news is I've been promoted. "I'm the World's Edge Seer, now, but now I feel more invisible then ever." I know I am not invisible, what I mean is that I feel people can pass me, and I am nothing to look at so they do not even offer glances of astonishment. I am hated, not loved. I am ugly, not beautiful. I am chained, not free.