I seem to not be your main point of focus, your eyes glazing over, your mind seeming to drift away. I watch you dream, wondering what it is your dreams are, what thoughts cloud your vision, what wishes grasp your mind. I simply stand, waiting for you to regain a sense of reality. While you aren't paying attention I let my jaded gaze wash over you, taking in your curves for yet another time. I was like a hungry predator, taking in these images of beauty and holding them as my own. During times like these I wonder if you're an angel, tossed from your heavenly ranking to live among the mortals.

You shake your crown, dark tassels falling before violet eyes, my jaw threatening to drop open and my eyes widening as the light hits you in a way that makes my skin crawl. Your words ring hollowly through my head, passing through the other side. I don't realize what you've said until a few moments after, my lashes fluttering as I return to the world of the living. "I'm not all that brave—" I murmur, looking down guiltily. I couldn't even admit my liking for you, the way you lure me into this darkness, ensnare me with your elegance, your soft words and delicate figure.

You begin to press me about it, telling me to seek her out, to woo her. My face is burning with guilt, horrifying guilt that washes over me like waves during a storm, pulling me under, filling my lungs with water. I'm choking, trying to keep myself from coughing up the truth. You stop mid sentence and I look up, your eyes wide and maw gaping. "L-Lakota?" I stammer, taking a step closer to make sure you were okay. My name slips out, but a hushed whisper falling form your lips. And then that one word, the word that falls to the floor and shatters. The word that releases a thousand thoughts, a crazed frenzy and panic rushes forward, fear eating away at what remains. I can feel my knees trembling, my legs growing weak beneath me as I gaze into your widened eyes.

"I— I.." Silence falls over me, my chin trembling as I gaze at you, trying to organize myself. I'm a filing cabinet, pushed over with all the files strewn across the floor, messed up and scattered. I can't take my time and pick them up, so I'm left standing in this mess, looking deeply into your violet gaze before dropping my head, shamefully whispering a single word that hurts for me to say. "Y- yes.." I glance up, raising my head but avoiding meeting your gaze. "I just... thought maybe I could push it off and then you wouldn't have to worry about any of this— " Breathe, go on now. "I hoped maybe I could hide it and you could live happily with Ktulu, maybe have that family you really want.." I'm stumbling over my words, clumsily falling over each syllable, tripping over each letter that falls from my lips.

You turn, revealing a scar that is so horrifying to see, I want nothing more than to wrap myself around you, and hearing your words, I can hear the pain in your words, the words that make my stomach twist into knots and my eyes water. "Oh Lakota—" I begin to murmur, blinking back the tears that threaten to run down my cheeks. "I would be willing to take that chance if it meant being close to you, you're an angel." I whisper the last word, our eyes locking as your turn back to face me directly. "I will do anything to get close to an angel, because being beside an angel is the closest I will ever get to touching heaven." My words are uneven, shaky, the knot in my throat making it difficult for me to talk or breathe. I was so shaken up by this change, this sudden turn of events.

You speak again and I shake my head, a silly little smile pulled up from the darkest depths, my features twisting, distorted as I attempt this smile. "I know you love Ktulu, it hurts so much to admit it—" My words are growing faint, my bottom lip trembling as I take a deep breath in. "And I know I cannot give you anything like that, a love that is eternal, that is unconditional. I can only give you silly compliments that you pass off as nothing but kindness, I can give you warmth that you can get from any other stranger. Really I'm not worthy of you, but Ktulu, she is. Cherish what you have with her Lakota, make sure you never let her go." I close my eyes, trying to collect myself, picking up the shattered pieces of my heart, cutting myself on the sharp edges. "I suppose I don't know who you are. I've fallen in love with a stranger—" I pause, my breathing rapid. It is then that I notice that the Rotunda has grown darker, that the sky is grey and clouded, no longer beautiful sunlight glowing radiantly, shining into the Rotunda, but storm clouds that gather above our heads. I can hear the first few patters of rain hitting the stained glass, looking down at you. "But goddammit that stranger I fell in love with was one of a kind. I'm proud that I had such a bittersweet moment with her before she forgets me and moves on while I cling to our past, unable to forget her." I can feel the first wave of tears wash over me as I swallow, the knot in my throat choking me as I cough, suddenly unable to hold it back anymore. "I'm just one big fuck up, aren't I? I mean, I fell for someone I shouldn't have, and now here I am trying to get over it but I just can't do it. I don't think I can." I stammer, shaking my head, curly dark locks falling over my eyes. I want nothing more than to shrink away and cradle these precious memories of our time together while you go off to frolic with your true love.
Talk talk talk"