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05-22-2014, 12:21 AM
memories,
haunting my mind
♥
"To be the reason someone dies, are not the same as killing them. I am sure Wilibald agrees." It was the same, yet it wasn't. If it hadn't been for my stupidity... Azzaron would've still been alive and well. "Not exactly the words I would have chosen. What do you mean you’re the reason he died? A rather intrusive question, and I apologize for that."
It was, but I was going to give him an answer. He was afterall my herd brother and families should be supportive... Should be.
"As for your kids, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself - parenthood is hardly easy. I gave my parents a rough time when I was young but we were able to patch things up." He didn't understand. My kids weren't the ones giving me a hard time - it was the opposite. "Suicide is… it’s not a solution. It makes any problems you might have permanent and there is no going back." Oh, I knew that. I sighed heavily and pinned my ears against the feathers on my poll. They ruffled softly against my ear and I just felt like crying again. Azzaron, come back. Please. I can't take it anymore.
"I did not come for him when he needed me the most, and instead... I escaped Helovia with my son - who was only a few months old at the time. When we came back, he..." A lump in my throat stopped my from continuing, but I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. I had to continue. "When we came back, I was greeted by my daughter, and right in the middle of our reunion, Azzaron..." Why was this so hard? "Azzaron stumbled in and he was so thin, his wings were plucked and he coughed blood. If only I had saved him... Rescued him from the Basin in time... But no, I escaped instead and didn't even think about the fact that I could save him." I closed my eyes and had to swallow hard again.
"As for my kids... They are not the ones giving me a hard time." I turned around and looked at Wilibald, right into his brown eyes. "During Destry's childhood, I was barely there. She grew up in the Basin together with those... bastards. She hates me now because I was forced to carry a child by a Basiner... It wasn't my fault." I turned my head towards the edge again, and I could feel it calling me. Oh, how I wanted to.
"Azarel... He's a brave boy, but he had to grow up too fast to save me from trouble." My words were but mumbling now and I was so close to crying. "I can only hope... That Cahira grows up slowly, nicely and becomes the best she wants to be," The whisper was like a breath taken from my lips and I gave up a shaky sigh. "Do you now see why I don't want this life anymore? I've had enough. So much abuse, so much heartbreak..." Only a few steps away from the edge... If I lunged myself, they wouldn't be able to catch me. If. "I cannot..."
It was, but I was going to give him an answer. He was afterall my herd brother and families should be supportive... Should be.
"As for your kids, you mustn’t be so hard on yourself - parenthood is hardly easy. I gave my parents a rough time when I was young but we were able to patch things up." He didn't understand. My kids weren't the ones giving me a hard time - it was the opposite. "Suicide is… it’s not a solution. It makes any problems you might have permanent and there is no going back." Oh, I knew that. I sighed heavily and pinned my ears against the feathers on my poll. They ruffled softly against my ear and I just felt like crying again. Azzaron, come back. Please. I can't take it anymore.
"I did not come for him when he needed me the most, and instead... I escaped Helovia with my son - who was only a few months old at the time. When we came back, he..." A lump in my throat stopped my from continuing, but I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. I had to continue. "When we came back, I was greeted by my daughter, and right in the middle of our reunion, Azzaron..." Why was this so hard? "Azzaron stumbled in and he was so thin, his wings were plucked and he coughed blood. If only I had saved him... Rescued him from the Basin in time... But no, I escaped instead and didn't even think about the fact that I could save him." I closed my eyes and had to swallow hard again.
"As for my kids... They are not the ones giving me a hard time." I turned around and looked at Wilibald, right into his brown eyes. "During Destry's childhood, I was barely there. She grew up in the Basin together with those... bastards. She hates me now because I was forced to carry a child by a Basiner... It wasn't my fault." I turned my head towards the edge again, and I could feel it calling me. Oh, how I wanted to.
"Azarel... He's a brave boy, but he had to grow up too fast to save me from trouble." My words were but mumbling now and I was so close to crying. "I can only hope... That Cahira grows up slowly, nicely and becomes the best she wants to be," The whisper was like a breath taken from my lips and I gave up a shaky sigh. "Do you now see why I don't want this life anymore? I've had enough. So much abuse, so much heartbreak..." Only a few steps away from the edge... If I lunged myself, they wouldn't be able to catch me. If. "I cannot..."
"Talking"
'Thinking'
'Dezba thinking'
wordcount // 526
tags // @[Windwalker] && @[Wilibald]
ooc // -
'Thinking'
'Dezba thinking'
wordcount // 526
tags // @[Windwalker] && @[Wilibald]
ooc // -
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