AURELIA
Realism [+2]
For the most part, I felt that your posts were very realistic. I noticed that there were several places where you showed some nice strategy – in choosing the location, for instance, and placing Aurelia by the cliffs. There were also a few mentions of physical differences, like how Kahlua is larger than Aurelia, and how crying would affect Kahlua’s sight. I thought that, in particular, was especially unique, so good job! The only criticism I have here is that I feel that Aurelia’s injuries weren’t mentioned very often insofar as how they related to her ability to fight. Mostly, she seemed to complain about her burned butt (and, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t?) but I didn’t see much about how that – or other injuries – affected her other than being minor annoyances. I would love to see a little more struggle, a little more description of how an injury made certain movements or attacks or defenses more difficult.


Emotion [+0.5]
There were a lot of places throughout this fight where I saw the emotion, but I didn’t really feel the emotion. You keep telling me what Aurelia’s feeling, but it’s a bit scattered – like, she feels this thing here, but this interrupts and now she’s feeling this other thing here, and oh look, a butterfly! (Well, that’s going a bit overboard, but I hope you catch my drift.) Anyway, I would love to see some elaboration. Slow down and really show me what she feels, every bit of it, a piece at a time. Finish one thought before you start another. I realize that some of this is just in her character – but I still felt that the emotion could have been a lot more developed.


Prose [-2]
While I have no problems with Aurelia’s style, there were a lot of spelling and grammar issues throughout this entire fight. While I’m sure it doesn’t seem like a very big deal, spelling and grammar are really distracting as we try and read through and judge, so spell check and re-reading before you post is really important! Here are some examples:
-- In post 0 (your initial challenge), paragraph 2: “…it's not like I am going to through Kahlua off the cliff…” Through should be throw.
-- In post 0, paragraph 3: “…but a giod one.or maybe…” Good is misspelled, and you’re missing a space.
-- In post 1, paragraph 3: “…to throw her off of balance…” Of is not necessary here and makes it kind of choppy and strange.
-- Also in post 1, paragraph 3: “Everything will happen quick.” Quickly.
-- In post 2, paragraph 2: “I think I have just burnt myself in an odd way? I don't like having my own magic used against, it is not okay with me.” I’m not sure why there’s a question mark after “odd way” instead of a period or an exclamation point, and you’re missing a word in the next sentence (“my own magic used against me”).
-- In post 3, paragraph 4: “I hope I am close enough to her and that she won't move away so I can kick her in the head really good.” Really well. Not really good.

However, I want to mention how much I love this: “I see Kaj flying towards us, trying to save the day and be mister "Oh I'm so perfect! Laddyladdyda."” (post 3, paragraph 3). This made me chuckle!


Readability [0]
Your initial attack (post 1, paragraphs 3 and 4) is a bit choppy and confusing. I had to re-read this several times to make sure I understood what was happening. The sentence, “I aim at her right side, but her shoulder is exactly where I aim,” is particularly strange to me – I feel like there are several other ways to convey that you are aiming for a shoulder without it being quite so choppy. Anyway, I felt that this didn’t flow quite as well as it could have. Perhaps it is being new to fighting, but it just felt pretty choppy overall.


Finally tally: 26 + 0.5 = 26.5 HP


KAHLUA
Realism [+3]
I thought that you did a really good job with realism. Damage was taken well and in amounts that made sense not only with her injuries, but also with her personality – she continually took attacks and damage because she felt she deserved it, which I felt was particularly realistic for her. Overall very good, no complaints from me.


Emotion [+2.5]
Going into the fight, I get a pretty good idea of Kahlua’s complete exhaustion, of how recent events have left their mark on a normally happy-go-lucky soul. The first attack post (though I suppose it wasn’t much of an attack) is absolutely heartbreaking. I love how you stick to her character so well, refusing to attack Aurelia in return. Her emotion remains very easy to see throughout the fight, and I love how easy it is to get into her mind and really feel what she’s feeling – betrayal, on several fronts, anger, dismay, horror. Wonderful!


Prose [+2.5]
This was well written, with no spelling or grammar errors that I could see.


Readability [+2]
This was very easy to read and follow. I felt little to no confusion while reading her attacks or defenses.


Finally tally: 32 + 10 - 0 = 42 HP