Lie in Our Graves | Spar: Aurelia

the Rift

[JUDGED] Lie in Our Graves | Spar: Aurelia

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004

Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8

Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE

Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd

06-18-2014, 11:19 AM

That she shied away ignited a fury deep within Gaucho. Her body should have crumbled under his weight - that pristine pelt soiled forever by her own blood. Unlike Aurelia, who was thankful that his spikes were not longer, Gaucho was suddenly irritated that they were not. They should have penetrated down to her very bones. The idea of the dry white-hot poke of his spikes against hardened bone was more enticing than simply shedding skin. Skin could heal - could scar in ways that perhaps a stallion (or a mare, he wasn't one to judge) might find alluring and enticing. But damage to the bone, was forever. She would remember him for the next few days as her wounds healed and slowly disappeared. But if his attacks could permeate to a deeper level...well then she'd remember him for the rest of her life.

If she wanted to remember him for something, let it be that. That he was the cause of a canter stride that was not quite balanced - of a gallop that was no longer smooth. Whatever game she - they - were playing, had consequences. If they wanted to remember him, that was fine. But he would be the writer of those memories, not some phantom leader of a 'dragon's throat'.

Darkness swam before his gaze, as this hostile and all-consuming irrational anger sullied both his vision and mind. Spots of black began to blur the edges of his vision, as soft white feathers fluttered down his dark nose, from where they had been senselessly torn from Aurelia's wing. Mara mentally hissed, shocked and frightened by this sudden dark twist in the primitive thoughts of her bonded. Gaucho, for all of his strength, had never been one to injure another needlessly. He had said it himself, that this was a spar, and yet his mind was trying to calculate how to break the bones (and spirit), of this wrongfully accused trickster. Sssssssssspar She urged, rattling her body around to try and shake the hold that his anger had over him. As she had done in the threshold, she flashed images of Gaucho and Aurelia playing when she was much younger: Playing tag, aerial chases and yes, even Aurelia's foolish attempts to flirt with him. Aurelia. Play, in Dragon'sssss Throat.

Now all of this you must understand, basically pushed Gaucho's mental computing power over the top. No more ram available, means no more windows open. Load the 'think rationally' tab? Sorry. As Mara's mental images forced yet another process to run in Gaucho's simple brain, his mind did what we would all expect: it shut off. Blue screen of death.

As his brain blanked at Mara's attempt to awaken memories, so too did it reject the anger that had darkened his vision. Time slowed as his long strides began to pull him away and to the right of Aurelia. His sweeping gaze which had already begun to look for intruders in the woods saw nothing, and in the slowed seconds that occurred, while his brain began to reboot, things didn't seem so bad. That was of course because his brain couldn't process emotions at the moment, but it was the first bit of peace Gaucho had felt, since the 'ambush' in the threshold.

However his hard reboot was interrupted, by what felt like a dull pain in his right thigh. Was it a cramp? Reality came crashing back around him, like a cold wave starting from his ears and finally ending right around where Aurelia had kicked him, and Gaucho realized that no, it was not a cramp. As her hooves collided with his thigh, his hips swung left to try and compensate. His large hooves slid haphazardly upon the wet moss, throwing up clumps of mud as he tried to right himself. As his head lowered to try and aid with balance, a misplaced step caused his thick neck to curl further inwards to try and remain stable, forcing his own spikes to gauge his lower lip, but luckily miss his throat.

As pain now radiated upwards from his already-bruising hip, and downwards from his dark lower lip - bloody and ragged from his own spikes - his primitive mind slipped into default mode. Finishing the spin Aurelia had started, he allowed his hindquarters to continue to swing left, until he judged he was once again facing her - or near enough, this wouldn't have to be terribly accurate. Raising his blackened wings, he spread them wide and back until they nearly touched over his dorsal-stripe. With a grunt that caused blood and snot to fly from his nose, Gaucho beat his wings at Aurelia, causing a wall of fire to fan from his flame-kissed feathers.

[WC: 790
Summary: Aurelia kicks him on his right thigh, as he had already began to move away from her. Moving away from her kick and sliding on the moss, Gaucho lowered his neck/head to try and help with balance, which caused him to injure his lower lip on his spikes in the process. He continues spinning and flame-attacks.

Attack: 2/3

OOC Teaching Notes

Great post! I might have liked to see some more emotion from Aurelia though. The beginning is good - mentioning his speech, Aurelia's need for a sire, etc., but that sort of isn't the interesting emotion. How is she feeling about the spar? Gaucho has been gone a while, is she better at sparring than since they last met? Is she disappointed that (if she is better), that without his memories his won't be able to appreciate it? Is she disappointed or hurt that he doesn't remember her? I think those are things that will help to motivate Aurelia's emotions during this spar.

Some things to watch for:

" I can't help but let out a little yelp as I thrust all my weight to the right, nearly knocking myself to the floor. First, it isn't the floor. The 'ground' would be more appropriate. And secondly, while Aurelia is smaller, if she had fallen over, I think that would have taken points off for realism, and so even your mere suggestion that she almost fell, seemed out of place to me. However, if you wanted to emphasize things, a better way to do it would have been to mention their size/breed differences, and to cite the slippery footing. I mentioned in my opening post that while the rain had stopped, there were areas that were more slippery than others.
Damage-wise, I'm not entirely certain you did take enough. The most damage Gaucho can do, is 13.5pts (7.5 (his attack stat) + 6 (highest roll)). This attack was worth 10.5. So if you mentally think, "If Gaucho attacked my character at full strength, what would that be like? Would it break bones? Would I be burned?" etc. So this roll was basically 78% of full strength, and you interpreted that as a few feathers being plucked out, and gashes that penetrated, but not enough to bleed or cause more discomfort when moving. Then again, not all your damage needs to come from Gaucho - you could easily have written that when bucking, Aurelia strained her right leg some what (since you mention that all of her weight was put on it). My advice, is when trying to interpret damage, look at what damage was rolled in proportion to the maximum damage that character could have done, and go from there.
I think one of your previous judges mentioned this as well, but be careful you aren't relying too heavily on your summary at the end. There, you state that After his attacks, as he runs past her, she kicks out, having no idea where she will hit. She only knows that she may hit anywhere from his shoulder to his tail. As she balances her weight back out, she feels the cuts stinging her shoulder as her weight is put back on that leg. The 'from the shoulder to his tail' is completely missing from your post. In the old judging, you'd lose -1 for directionality of that attack. In the new system, you might lose points on readability of your posts. Your summary at the end should be super brief, but not any more informative than your posts.
Watch your grammar: I slither a few steps forward to see if the cut hurt worse if I walk. They don't really hurt more, but they certainly don't hurt less. - Do you see how there's no agreement here? 'The cut' is singular, but then you jump to 'they'. Or, but it's already to late, should be 'too'. Just small things to keep in mind :)

So when I go to write my posts, I often read over my opponents several times, to make sure I understand what's going on. You rolled an 11 - which is the most damage Aurelia can do. However, I don't think I can straightforwardly take the damage from her. I mean, she sort of awkwardly kicked out, so either she's going to need to pinch a nerve or something that makes her awkward kick stronger than it should have, or the environment is going to have to play a factor. I ended up going with a combination of both to try and make things realistic - both in the sense that Gaucho took the damage that was rolled, but also that it came from appropriate sources.