CONFUTATIS
Realism [+4]
I really felt you had great descriptions for your attacks and defenses and especially liked the strong breed reference and use you had in your first post. You had some fantastic opening attacks - I particularly liked your strategy with the companion. I saw you mention the surroundings a bit and your timing seemed to be on for your attacks and defenses. The second post lost me a little bit more, but I’m going to score the general confusion in readability - what attacks I think you made seemed realistic. You only had a short opportunity to take injury in this fight but what you did take was appropriate. Overall an excellent job.


Emotion [+1.5]
I definitely felt Confutatis’ drive and hunger, particularly in the first post. You convey her in general just with your word choice and prose, but I would like to see more feeling and response in regards to when she misses attacks, when she lands attacks, how her feelings change over the course of the fight etc. Just more to help draw me into the moment with her, experiencing the fight as Confutatis and not someone on the side line.


Prose [+3.5]
You have beautiful writing and a distinct style that does not take away from anything. I really enjoyed it.


Readability [+1]
Although for the most part I could understand things, your first post had some typos and grammar errors in relation to sentence structure. By the second post I was a little confused as to everything that was happening. Your defense I understood and your magic attack at the very end I got, but everything else was just not very clear and I’m still not entirely sure if she attacked an additional time prior to the magic. So just watch that you don’t get too focused on word fluff and lose the reader.


Finally tally: 46+10= 56 HP


KAJ
Realism [+3]
All in all you had good responses and realistic attacks, defenses, and timing to everything. I really liked all your references to other fights and comparing them with this one, and how you really utilized their breed differences in each fight. I’d like to see more incorporation of the fact Kaj is a pegasus, since without prior knowledge, I read this fight and he seems like a normal horse. You don’t need to be flying in the air just because you have wings, but those appendages would definitely be doing something during the fight, whether helping, or hindering, or just being noted. Overall good descriptions that helped me understand the motive of your actions, even if I wasn’t always agreeing with them.


Emotion [+2]
There were moments when I could feel Kaj and his honorable desire to protect his herd, but I never felt sucked in and it’s because the emotion wasn’t weaved throughout the entire post, just given as an intro and conclusion. I want to feel with Kaj the whole time. Your second post I saw a bit more feeling as his desire to hurt her seemed to intensify, but I wanted to feel that with her vision of his friends being hurt, and I wanted to feel what Kaj was thinking and going through whenever he struck out at her, whenever he was struck, whenever he landed or missed blows etc.


Prose [+2.5]
You have some lovely writing especially when getting metaphorical. You use a nice variety of words and I find your posts overall enjoyable to read through from a prose standpoint.


Readability [-1]
I struggled with the readability in your posts and was especially confused throughout the second post and never even realized Kaj was wearing armor until you said it deflected her bite - I even went back to read your intro post, which is not usually read by judges since we start judging with the first attack post, but I could not find it mentioned anywhere. You have a few typos and grammatical errors throughout, but the brunt of the issue seems to be the dropped pronouns and generally long sentences. Don’t be afraid to say the word Kaj - if you’re too close to the word count, then cut down on the fluffy words, don’t drop the ones that make your sentences structurally sound.


Finally tally: 63+6.5= 69.5 HP

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VP has now been raised from 0.5 to 1 for Kaj.