Insults. You like it. Laughter rolls from your lips, a low grumbling sound that echos through the tight woods. Except that it's not the kind of laughter that makes you think of fluffy puppies and kittens. It's an odd kind of laughter, a trickling sound that might make one wish that they were nothing but a fly on the wall- the kind of laughter that does not bode well for anybody on the receiving end. He wants to mock you? Fine, he can mock you, but he's going to know that you can punish him for his mocking with the drop of a hoof. As your shoulder finds Fraub's side and digs in, you are pleased with yourself. Unfortunately, you must have hit at a slightly odd angle because you get some recoil from the blow and you frown in displeasure at your own foolish mistake. Of course, it's your own fault... nobody forced you to consume the locoweed. As your shoulder pulsates slowly beneath the skin, you suppose that blood is probably rushing to the area and preparing to form a bruise. The bruise itself is not particularly concerning to you- you're no stranger to the painful effects; however, you hope that the pulsing contusion doesn't turn into something more. Unfortunately, you think it might. As you step on that limb you feel the muscles pulling. It is a slight pull, just a whisper of restricted range of motion, but a warrior knows his body and you can tell the difference. Perhaps it won't get any worse. After your horseshoe does little but graze the opponent, you are not left with much time to think or react. Your opponent has set his trap wisely. His hind hoof catches you just on your last rib, pressing against the bone that is protected by just a thin layer of muscle and flesh. In fact, the combination of friction from his hoof and the tight skin over your sides leads to some tearing. A shallow cut opens on your side, letting some blood pool and then trickle down. It will clot soon enough, so you are not overly concerned, but now you must repay the small beast for his transgressions- both oral and physical. You turn just in time to see Fraub dance off and you are instantly left with a dilemma as you try to chase after him. How much can you do to make him slow down before it goes outside the bounds of the rules you have set for yourself? With a sigh, you decide not to use your blood magic... yet. It's a shame, really. This whole 'getting along with the herd' thing that you're trying already seems like more of an annoyance than it's worth. Still... you suppose you can try for a little longer. It will probably take more than a few minutes for the high king himself to notice that you're playing nice. So, instead of your magic, you let your companion fly out ahead of you to work her own sort of magic. Attempting to get in front of Fraub, your boggart uses her new found (and quite useful!) magic to try and create a distraction. Levitating a medium-sized stick that was laying upon the forest floor, the wisp of a girl attempts to send it flying towards Fraub's face. As long as it doesn't hit him in the eye, it should be an excellent form of distraction. And even though you do little more than give her a mental high-five, the boggart is instantly over the moon with excitement. You have praised her! Oh, sweet rapture! Only the fact that you are in a fight keeps her from rushing back to you to celebrate. That, and the fact that you would probably try to bite her. Around the same time that the girl is attempting to create a distraction, you are trying to trot behind the cover of some brush. It may not actually work that well, since you're rather large and all, but you suppose it's better than just announcing your presence. Attempting to come up along the stallion from behind, although slightly off to his left side in order to avoid any more flailing hooves, you try this time to use your height to your advantage. As you get to what you judge should be Fraub's side, you throw your body into a rear and lash out with flailing hooves, each one attempting to pummel the flesh just off-center from his spine. Ugh! Being tolerant of your herd mates may just be the worst thing that ever happened to you. You're quite certain you could have killed this stallion already. It's a shame, really. It would be so much more fun to beat him to a bloody pulp. WC| 797 Post| 2/3 @[Fraub]

Alright, time for the fun stuff! First thing, don't forget to note 1/3 or 2/3 at the bottom of your post. It helps the admin team with the dice rolls!
Overall, the first thing I really noticed about your post is that it's really short. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it made me think right away that you probably had room to build on what you had written. I'll break things down by section of the rubric, but if you want me to change the way I give you feedback just let me know. I want to make sure this is useful for you!

Realism- I can't really tell from your post if you took an appropriate amount of damage or not. I think you might have, but all you really mention in your writing is that Fraub got hit. With injuries, it's always good to note how much pain it's causing now, what the future consequences might be if its more than just a very minor injury (and follow up with these injuries in your future posts), and Fraub's response to the injury. It also helps to be fairly specific about the location of the injury. For instance, when Oxy rammed his shoulder into Fraub's side, I don't know where he hit. That information is useful to me because Oxy, depending on whether he is trying to really hurt Fraub or be gentle with him in the spar, might want to try and attack that location again or avoid it. Mentioning what future consequences might come from the injury and then mentioning those in your next posts is a nice tidbit that is a sort of 'cherry on top' to a good fight. There are no markdowns for your horse getting hurt, as long as you do it within the scope of the dice roll, so go ahead and let your character be injured! Ditto all these comments to Oxy's second attack. In particular, I have no idea where Oxy hit. That said, you did especially good with noting directions. I have a really good idea of where Fraub is in relation to Oxy at all times, and that is really helpful! I also think that Fraub's attack, although minor, was pretty realistic in consideration of the fact that he was attacked out of the blue, so good job with that.

Emotion- I think the weakest part of this post was probably that it was fairly dry and lacked a lot of emotion. Fraub is a really fun character, so don't be afraid to let him shine through! I laughed out loud as soon as I read the first sentence but then didn't get much more of that humor. Spars always tend to be serious, so if you can throw in some humor to lighten the mood up, that's great. To help me with emotion, since it's something I struggle with as well, I try to ask myself questions. So, Fraub got attacked all of the sudden. What is he feeling about that? Is he surprised? Angry? Annoyed? After all, he's going to have to clean his coat for the fourth time today! And how does getting hit change the way he's feeling? Does he want to fight back, would he rather run away? What is his motivation for not just bolting? These are just a few of the questions you can ask yourself to help find some of the emotion. Now, emotion doesn't have to be overt emotion. It's more that we want to see your character's personality shining through. If your character is more dark and broody, let them be dark and broody. If they tend not to feel much then focus more on their motivation and their hopes for winning the fight. You can really tailor this section to your character.

Prose- I didn't see any spelling mistakes, so good job with that! Sometimes the writing seemed a little choppy. Transition words are really helpful to create fluidity between sentences. Also, don't be afraid to read your post out loud if you think it will help you with that. Since grammar is included in this section, I also wanted to mention that there were lots of sentence fragments and oddly placed commas. Just remember that a comma usually indicates a pause if you were to read the sentence out loud. If you don't want the reader to pause, go ahead and drop the comma.

Readability- There were several fragmented sentences where I had to go back and re-read because I thought I missed something. Sometimes broken sentences can be a stylistic choice, but make sure that they are complete enough that they don't leave the reader returning to read again. Ideally, you want your opponent and the judges to be able to read straight through the post once and understand everything that has happened. Also, don't be afraid to use names, especially in fights with two opponents of the same gender. There were lots of times where you wrote 'he' and it took a second to figure out if you meant Fraub or Oxy.

Overall, I think you have a good starting base, but it's the little details that really bring everything together. Good work!