With the herd meeting completed, the queen watched her herd dissipate. However, she could not find it in her heart to do anything but stand there. Her heart was made of lead, her hooves were anchors that had hooked her to the ground. She was weak, hurting and feeling very much alone. She had tried to be strong for her herd, she hoped she had succeeded, but she could be strong no longer. Both her and Kaj had been through so much lately and perhaps the queen was finally beginning to understand what it meant for Kaj to have to run the herd by himself. Turning to him, before the last of their flock was gone, Kahlua pressed her head into his neck and whispered as a tear began to fall down her cheek. “Please, don't go...” She had been terrible to him, she supposed, but she needed him now. She had so much to say to him, so much to apologize for, and also so much to ask him about. She needed his advice now more than ever.

As she closed her eyes, she could still see her hoof beating against the snake's body, the creature writhing as it flew threw the air, and then lifelessness as it landed with a thud upon the ground. She could feel the heat of Aurelia's fire coming close to her but not burning her, the feel of Aurelia's hooves upon her skull. She hear the (imaginary) screams of her herd mates calling her murderess and feel her heart break at the realization that she had killed the innocent creature when all it had been doing was defending its bonded.

But she also knew that Kaj had been attacked, defended their family against a beast who was trying gain entry when they had been warned against her. He had faced his own hard battle, found his own bruises and proven his loyalty as much or better than she had. And in the past, all Kahlua had done to thank him for his service was run from their herd and try to find freedom. For the last month she had tried to stay home, to help him, to be more present, but poor silly Kahlua was more than certain she had done nothing to help.

So, when she finally herd the last of the herd leave, Kahlua opened her eyes and lifted her forehead from Kaj's neck, puffy blue eyes looked up towards her king. When she finally spoke, her voice was full of nothing but sincerity. She finally knew what it was like to carry the burdens that Kaj had carried these past months and she didn't know how to tell him. She didn't know how to tell him that she wanted to change, that she wanted to be better, that she was finally willing to share the crown with him.

However, she also didn't know how to tell him that she didn't think she could anymore. After all, how could a murderess lead a herd of peaceful horses in good conscious? So, in the end, the only words the queen found for her king were, “I'm sorry.”

@[Kaj]